Love Suffers Long

1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 (NKJV)

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

This is something that the Holy Spirit convicted me of today as I opened today`s devotional to define part of God`s true love. I had to remind myself that Love is Long Patient and it Suffers Long. This is exactly what I go through now- suffering long. It`s been a very long and draining journey, but I can see the way God`s been changing me throughout this whole period of time.

I could never even consider admitting being rude or proud when admitting my mistakes or take responsibility for my piece of the mess in my marriage, and now I don`t have any problems admitting my faults, my side of the problem. I am very grateful to God for changing my heart and softening it to accept my faults in order to change them.

Last week I had a scheduling conference where the dates for the upcoming temporary hearing, mediation, pre-trial settlement conference were identified, and my husband once again attempted to get what he wanted, which was avoiding temporary hearing where the decision regarding custody, use and possession of the house, all legal fees repayment, etc. is going to be decided. He attempted to use the sessions with the pastor that we went to the week before as an excuse to show we are working on reconciling; hence we are not in need of the temporary hearing. After our last meeting with the pastor for the counseling session, he tried to use that to make me look as if I contradict myself when requesting legal separation stating that reconciliation is impossible while refusing to take accountability and full responsibility for his actions.

As our pastor emailed us the rules for the possible continuous counseling, I felt the urge to share both side`s legal documents to avoid counter-arguing during the counseling sessions, and this is where the Holy spirit got me good. He reminded me that if my whole purpose of the agreement for the counseling was to make all possible attempts to bring my husband back to God and to repentance, than I should have been humble as Jesus was when He was accused wrongly of the crimes He was not guilty of. I should have let God defend me and fight for me as He said that vengeance is His rather than proving my point by showing everything that my husband did to me.

³⁵ It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near
and their doom rushes upon them. ” (Deuteronomy 32:35 NIV)

¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[d] says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”^{[e] 21} Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:19-21 NIV)

I was reminded once again that it would have been so much more productive for the Holy Spirit to move in my husband`s heart if I overcame his evil with my good ignoring all the injustice that he is attempting to do to me. I repented in responding to prove my own justice, and I pray that God would give me another chance to make the difference in my circumstances. My husband agreed to drive to the neutral church, Calvary Chapel but in our local different area, and in the agreement we were supposed to attend two services out of the month together, even if we drove separate, which would allow my husband a chance to listen to the correct interpretation of the Bible, since he used to go to Calvary with me before he switched churches and went astray completely. After attending the church together with our daughter, we would have a counseling session with our pastor, and we are to do that for 3 months (2 sessions per month).

It all comes down to biting my tongue and searching the Lord to give me patience and self-control; the goal of these meetings is not for me to prove me right because for that I have ongoing litigation and God Who is going to bring all the truth out, but the purpose of these meetings is for God to start the work in my husband`s heart by allowing him to be in the right biblical environment and to hear the truth of God. That would enable God to move in his heart and to make him aware of the things my husband does wrong.

As I am praying for God to sustain me to commit to long suffering, long patience, to do good in return for evil, to love the unlovable, I ask the Lord to strengthen me in my commitment to bite my tongue to ignore all the alec remarks and lies that my husband says when twisting my words or my attorney`s, so be it.

Please pray for me, so God gives me His love, wisdom, grace to overcome evil by doing good, so that all the long suffering I go through produces fruit in His honor!

God Turns My Darkness Into Light

Psalm 18:24-28 (NIV)

²⁴ The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
²⁵ To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
²⁶ to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
²⁷ You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
²⁸ You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

I know it`s been awhile since my last post, but I try to only use this blog when God shows me some scriptures that speak to my heart making me urge to share it with others. This scriptures in Psalm 18 is one of the places in the Bible that God showed me as my promise and my hope to rely on. I know that so long as I continue to walk in His way and seek His face, He would continue to direct my path. God will continue to turn my darkness into light!

As I continue to pray for my husband, recently in one of our email exchanges regarding our daughter, he indicated that he would be willing to meet with my pastor (he stopped going to our church for over a year and the church he is going to now continues to misguide him biblicaly  and justify his actions). So we met last Sunday with the neutral pastor from Calvary Chapel in our area, and my husband was questioned regarding some things he`s done to me and to our daughter as a result of his recklessness and wickedness. Our session ended with my husband leaving the place pretty angry (and I left being angry with him for being such a coward), but as I came face to face with the Lord, He calmed me down and helped me to get to the place of humbleness. Once again this Psalm 18 served me the purpose of reminding me how just God is, and He never fails to bring out the truth into the light.

Yesterday I was able to get Pendente Lite hearing, although this is something that my husband strongly attempted to avoid, and my attorney was able to get this request satisfied. When I was going for the conference, I continued to pray that it would be God`s will on all the dates and events that would take place. Although we did have some unnecessary events to attend as a result to please the judge in exchange for the Pendente Lite hearing, all in all, God`s hand proved that my husband didn`t get what he wanted.

The Lord shows Himself shrewd with those who are devious and wicked, and this is exactly what I have on my hands. God continues to support me through His scriptures and provide for me in all the necessary areas. God deals with my husband according to his heart, and only God knows what`s in his heart. During my counseling with my husband last Sunday, I could see how cruel he is and what his intentions are towards me: to destroy me to the ground, but God would not allow that to happen so long as I continue to walk in His way.

If you are ever in situation like mine: have fear, exhausted, in need of His word, in need of His support, please know that God never forsakes His own. I hope you are able to see that through my testimony, and the way He`s been my right hand all along these horrible months of endless trials. He`s been my rock, my refuge, my salvation, my mercy, my grace, my hope, and only God is able to deliver me out of the hand of my enemy (spiritual battle I am referring to).

Please don`t loose hope because like Paul said in Galatians 6:7-9 (NIV)

⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 

God never fails to do justice, and He`s proven His word to be true at all times. I believe that what I sow now by agreeing to meet with the pastor and my husband for the counseling and by preventing myself to prove my circumstances, I allow God the opportunity to move and to bring His truth into the light. Through our last counseling session, my husband started to say out loud things, which were true of what he`s done, as a result of what`s in his heart. He started to bring out the true facts into the light, and he didn`t even realize he was saying those things. This is a result of my praying and many other prayers which take place in many different churches now, and among our friends. God is faithful to those who are patient and stay in His word, so please have no doubt that God is not going to be mocked. He will be shrewd to those who are devious and merciful to those who are kind.

My next hearing is on June 18, 2012, so please continue to pray for me, so God continues to direct my path and gives me wisdom to act and say things of His truth. Thank you for all your prayers for those of you who have been following my story; may God bless you and give you peace.

Leaving From Under God`s Protection

Ruth 1:20-21 NIV

²⁰ “Don’t call me Naomi,^[b]” she told them. “Call me Mara,^[c] because the Almighty^[d] has made my life very bitter.

²¹ I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted^[e] me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

I was reading the book of Ruth in the past few days re-reading it a couple of times, and God showed me something different this time. He showed me the character of Naomi who left from under God`s protection when she and her family (her husband and both of her sons) left her home country because of the famine and went to Moab. Looking at her example, we can see how we, as Christians, leave from under God`s protection when we either try to live a carnal life after being saved, or rejecting God altogether and becoming prodigals, or backsliding. By doing that, we leave from under the God`s protection, and we leave that “promised land” where God abides in one`s heart once one gets saved.

¹ In the days when the judges ruled,^[a] there was a famine in the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab. ² The man’s name was Elimelek, his wife’s name was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to Moab and lived there. (Ruth 1:1-2 NIV)

We can see clearly that the time period that`s listed here is already post conquest of the Promised land by the Israelites because it says that it was “when the judges ruled”, and we know that the Book of Judges in the Old Testament was written during the time when Promised land was in the process of being completely conquered by the Israelites.

This opening of the book of Ruth gives us the information that the family of Elimelek was not a God fearing family because if they would have been, they wouldn`t have left their home country, but they would have trusted that the Lord would have preserved them through the trials of famine and provided for them just like He always has done in the past.

Another important point to note here is during the time of Judges we know that Israelites started backsliding in their walk with the Lord because they disobeyed God and didn`t drive all the native nations from the Promised land, so most likely famine was the result of God`s judgment on their behavior attempting to bring them back to God.

What I find amazing when reading these chapters is that in all these trials neither Naomi nor anyone else in her family realized that the consequence of their running from the eyes of the Lord would not solve their problems. All it did was remove them from under His protection because they left the premises of the Promised land where it was God`s area of protecting Israelites from all of their enemies if only they continued to walk in His ways (Deuteronomy 28).

The following points I saw when reading the book of Ruth:

-Naomi and her family left the Homeland (their Promised land) in escape of God`s hand since the Israelites started to fall into idolatry by using the pagan gods from the locally residing nations (refer to the book of Judges in the Bible). Naomi`s family attempted solving the problem of famine on their own instead of coming to God for help and repenting in whatever they were doing wrong. What`s worse, they left to the pagan country where idolatry was even more prominent.

I thought it was a good reminder for me to look at Naomi and realize that every time I attempt to solve any kind of problems on my own instead of coming to God--nothing good comes out of it; only destruction. As a matter of fact, I am trying to get myself into a habit of asking the Lord and showing me if there is anything that`s hindering in my relationships with Him allowing me to know His will and direction. This is something that`s Naomi and her family didn`t do.

Sadly enough, we see how the whole family took all their possessions (which they probably had a good amount since in the verse 21 Naomi said that “she left full”) and took off on their own without seeking God`s guidance and direction. I don`t ever want to be like that because I`ve done it in the past, and I failed miserably.

- Naomi didn`t take heed in the consequences of the Israelites` backsliding, and her family didn`t repent, but they ran away from the hand of the Lord. They only brought more trouble on their heads by leaving their homeland—Naomi`s husband and both of her sons died in Moab.

God allows us to do whatever we want because we have free will, but He uses our own mistakes to bring us back. As we see in verse 21 Naomi said: “I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty”. All God cares about is our hearts; He doesn`t care about our possessions because He knows they are temporary. He makes all possible attempts to reach out to our hearts and to bring us back to Him, just like He`s done with Naomi.

- Naomi and her family didn`t trust God was capable to deliver them from famine, and they decided to solve that problem on their own by leaving into the "more abundant country".

I don`t ever want to get into the place where I don`t trust the Lord to handle my circumstances for me because the second I do that, I take myself from under His protection. I`ve tested His protection, and I wouldn`t want to miss on it in a millions years; His protection is all I got. I think it`s the nature of our lustful identity to see that the grass is always greener on the other side only to realize that it`s not once we tested it.

- This is another story where God is using all the circumstances to bring out His glory in the end and turn all things together for good. Through all these errors that Naomi and her family made, God brought Ruth into her family when she married one of her sons, and Ruth cleaved to God with all her hear.

¹⁶ But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. (Ruth 1:16 NIV)

God used Ruth`s heart, because he could get through to her, to bring Naomi back to her homeland and to lead Ruth to meet Boaz who was able to restore Naomi`s family name by marrying Ruth.

When I read this story of obedience that Ruth showed to God and to Naomi and see God`s character the way He rewards those who trust Him, I get encouraged that I need to continue to be obedient to Him and to honor His word. He would not let me down just like He`s proven His hand in all of my trials; just like He showed His faithfulness and goodness to Ruth.

Ruth was rewarded for her obedience by becoming a grand-grand-mother to David and is mentioned in Jesus` lineage (Matthew 1). This is the highest honor and reward she could ever get from God for guarding her heart and cleaving to God. I want to be like that too; I want to cleave to God, so He could use me just like He used Ruth- to bring glory to Him. It took a lot of sacrifice on her part to leave her homeland, her heritage, her family, and to go into unknown without any guarantee that she would ever be able to re-marry or be accepted by the Israelites. God rewarded her faith!

- Another point that I thought was interesting was Naomi`s exodus with abundance as escape from famine. Her family`s escape from God, is similar to the story of the Prodigal son (Luke 15) where the younger son left the father with all of his inheritance (abundance), but God allowed him to waste all of his inheritance and to squander it to the last penny only to bring him back home "empty". Naomi`s family attempted to escape the famine not to lose their family`s possessions, but in the end that`s exactly what happened to them. When we fix our actions around material things and become greedy, God turns that against us and shows us that anything perishable is not worth pursuing because it`s a mirage.  

I look at this story of Naomi as the way God uses whatever it takes to bring us back “home” to Him. We tend to make decisions that are unsuccessful because they are motivated either by selfishness, or ambition, or perhaps greed, and they are not according to God`s plan. As a result, we become blind by perishable things that drive us into the wrong direction bringing complete destruction and loss.

I`m looking into my circumstances, and I see how much I was motivated by my ambitions which made me deaf to God`s direction. I had to lose a lot in order to come to this place of complete surrender. It`s a shame to see that Naomi never realized the consequence of her actions and avoidance of God`s will.

-What`s more, Naomi didn`t use her trials, which turned out as a blessing in the end, to praise the Lord and to testify to others of His hand on her life. She could have changed her heart to realize that God`s hand was on her all along protecting her to the last moment; God loved her so much that he made sure he used Ruth to bring her back home and even reinstated her family`s name.

Instead Naomi called herself Mara (thinking of her life as “very bitter”).

¹³ So Boaz took Ruth and she became his wife. When he made love to her, the LORD enabled her to conceive, and she gave birth to a son. ¹⁴ The women said to Naomi: “Praise be to the LORD, who this day has not left you without a guardian-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel! ¹⁵ He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age. For your daughter-in-law, who loves you and who is better to you than seven sons, has given him birth.”(Ruth 4:13-15 NIV)

It is amazing that even the women in her town saw God`s hand on Naomi and the way He blessed her, but not Naomi herself. Instead of using her life as an example of God`s glory to testify of His goodness and faithfulness, she continued to grieve.

How common is it for us to be so self-absorbed and self-centered that we are incapable to see the bigger picture of the way God`s brining all pieces together for good. I tend to do the same: call myself “Mara” rather than concentrate on seeing God`s hand in the bigger picture. I continue to pray to God for direction, so I could make the right decisions and to testify of His glory by using this blog, but sometimes it`s too easy to fall into this state of self-pity.

I know that I don`t want to live this “promised land” where I abide in God and He abides in my heart because the second I leave that state, I bring troubles on my head.

-Lastly I thought of the way Naomi and her family didn`t have any personal relationships with God, and as a result it prompted them to act upon their flesh rather than being led by the Holy Spirit. I know that`s an Old Testament we`re talking about, and people didn`t have direct access to God like we have now through Jesus Christ, but I know God would have directed them to meet appropriate prophet or a priest assuring them of the right direction if only they hungered the Lord. It`s an example of how even now when we have that access through the blood of Jesus, we don`t always use it, but tend to act upon our flesh; we choose our own decisions rather than walk in Spirit.

I don`t want to accuse God of my mishaps; instead, I want to see His character and the way He protects me even when I don`t deserve it. I want to be under His protection because that`s the most secure place I could ever be. This story reminds me of being grateful to God for everything I have and to praise Him for all the work He never ceases to do in my heart.

"The LORD Preserves The Faithful"

Psalm 31:22-24 (NKJV)

 ²² For I said in my haste, “I am cut off from before Your eyes”; Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications When I cried out to You.

²³ Oh, love the Lord, all you His saints! For the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person.
²⁴ Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord.

I can only thank God for these verses! Oh God, how good You are to those who trust in You, and to those who love You. As I was reading Psalm 31, these verses jumped at me as usual, whenever God tries to reiterate something to me. I felt just like David: "I am cut off from before Your eyes!", but the Lord showed me that He hears all my prayers, all my pain, and He is there for me to preserve me. This is the best promise and encouragement I can have from Him.

He didn`t stop there either, He promises here even more that He will "repay the proud person". I don`t wish any harm or malice for my husband, but when I see this verse, it speaks of God`s character to me that He doesn`t "preserve the ways of the wicked" just like I wrote in my other article. God is just, and He knows who says what; He knows all the truth better than I could ever explain it to even the closest of my friends. My facts are so twisted and abundant that the only way to get the truth out is by coming to God and letting Him screen and sieve through my facts. I know I am in the right hands for that, and I don`t with anyone better than God for my Judge.

That`s why I find it so irreplaceable to come to my Father in my personal relationships and fall on my face before Him just like Jesus did because it reminds me of my humble place before the Lord: that He is in control of everything, and not me. I crave this personal time alone with God because this is where He shows me His plan, He sustains me, He convicts me, and He shows me His endless love.

My Lord continues to remind me to be courageous, and "He will strengthen my heart". Oh how I needed to hear these verses today. As I finally heard back from the court yesterday that my Scheduling conference would not be until April 25-Th, I felt desperate and depressed that I would have to wait over a month for the very first step of the process (this is the very preliminary step of the custody/legal separation process where the judge evaluates the case and decides whether the temporary hearing is needed to decide on custody, child support, use and possession of the house, whether mediation and other services are necessary or not). That`s another full month from now before anything else will happen.

God had to encourage me to be courageous because I was getting exhausted with waiting; I was getting hopeless that anything will change. I know that He has the right time for everything, but I am just growing weary. I want my daughter with me every day; I want to see my family restored; I want to see my family being Christian and serving the Lord already. But I have to wait.

I was reminded today of the way Jesus prayed in His time alone with the Father:

³⁹ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39 NIV)

God reminded me that the best way to pray is to seek His will and not my will because I can never know better than Him what`s best for me, for my daughter, for my husband, for my family; only He knows it best.

I felt this urge to go away somewhere and just like Jesus just fall on my face and weep before the Lord to take away this "cup" from me; I am too tired to fight; I am too tired to intercede. So God had to take me to another scripture and remind me that I have to preserve my faith just like Abraham did:

⁸ By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. ⁹ By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. ¹⁰ For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. ¹¹ And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she^[b] considered him faithful who had made the promise. ¹² And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore. ¹³ All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. ¹⁴ People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. ¹⁵¹⁶ Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. (Hebrews 11:8-16 NIV)

Abraham didn`t even flinch when Lord called him out of his homeland and led him into the unseen and unknown. Abraham had to obey the Lord by faith and live his life (without seeing the ultimate promise coming true during his generation) as if God already fulfilled His promise to him. This is the highest level of faith and relationships with the Lord: to obey and live by faith one`s life as if everything that Lord promised already came true and treating the unseen circumstances as seen.

I am at the place where I have no choice but to live that out, but that`s not out of my own accord because my faith is too small in itself. I was placed in the circumstances where I have no choice but to believe that whatever God does it will be faithful, according to His plan and purpose. In all this, I want for the Lord to be able to say about me that "He was not ashamed to be called my God". This would be the biggest reward for me for all my trials that I`m going through. I want to be like Abraham unflinching when carrying out God`s purpose even when I don`t see the plan in reality yet. God rewards our faith when we stay obedient.

That`s why my personal relationships are so important, so God could penetrate my heart with His truth to encourage me, to convict me, to uplift me, to teach me, and to preserve me.

If you go through some hardships, I encourage you to seek the Lord first because He preserves His faithful children. That`s who He is, period. He is always there for me, and He will be there for you if you will ask Him, just like David did, just like I am doing every day.

Be encouraged just like I am that God is faithful, and He is going to preserve His faithful children!  

God`s Attitude For Sinners

Luke 15:7 (NIV)

⁷ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

For those of you who have been reading my last few posts, you could trace the thread of struggle that I am going through especially in the past couple of weeks. My struggle is internal where my impatience and desperation for a God`s change in my circumstances (restoring my family) collides with a struggle to give up my husband to God, so He could deal with him at whatever level necessary to bring him to repentance to get him saved. I started to fall into severe depression due to this "dormant" endless waiting period. It`s been almost three months since the filing of the custody claim, and I am yet to hear from the circuit court regarding the date for a scheduling conference that`s supposed to outline the set of appointed hearings/prospect court decisions.

As I was slowly falling into this state of depression and weeping again on a drive home yesterday, God showed me this scripture in Luke 15:7. I know this whole chapter all too well because I can associate myself with the prodigal son, but God spoke to me something else yesterday. He reminded me not to be like the other son, who got jealous and unhappy of Father`s acceptance of the prodigal son. He showed me verse 7 where He brought me down to my knees once again to intercede for my husband.

It is all too easy for us to concentrate on the misery of one self rather than look at the circumstances through God`s own eyes. Although I continue to pray for God to sustain me in His word and to make sure I don`t fall down spiritually, but I noticed that in desperate times, especially when I have to wait for so long for any piece of information, it is too easy to think about my own misery and get depressed. Once I let that happen, I start looking at my husband through my own eyes—only seeing evil, pride, self-righteousness, anger, bitterness, and unfaithfulness.

God had to take my attention off of myself yet again, and show me what my situation is really all about: " there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent". This is what it`s all about- to get my husband to repent, to get him saved, and God is doing it slowly and surely one step at a time. I just have to be patient and stay faithful to Him, so I don`t become like the other son in the chapter Luke 15:32 where Father told him:

³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” (NIV)

I could see myself becoming like the older son who was grudgingly praying to God: why is that my husband continues to get the house and he has so much more vacation time to take our daughter out any time he wants while I have to go to work every day and barely have any leave to afford for the court dates, let alone taking time off for my fun time with my daughter? I was starting to steep inside, and God had to remind me the ultimate goal for my circumstances.

I like how Oswald Chambers said in today`s devotion:

“. . . and the life which I now live in the flesh,” not the life which I long to live or even pray that I live, but the life I now live in my mortal flesh-the life which others can see, “I live by faith in the Son of God . . . .” This faith was not Paul’s own faith in Jesus Christ, but the faith the Son God had given to him (see Ephesians 2:8). It is no longer a faith in faith, but a faith that transcends all imaginable limits-a faith that comes only from the Son of God.

Only when I allow God to live in my heart, He transforms my life to have this transcending faith that`s capable to change all “imaginable things”.

If you feel like you`re losing your faith or starting to doubt, or concentrating on your own self rather than on God`s ultimate plan for your life, think about this verse that God commands us to rejoice and to do whatever it takes to get even one sinner saved because eternity is at stake. Our mortal few decades on this earth are nothing compare to what eternity holds, and God is far too aware of the consequences of the sin to know the importance of getting as many sinners saved as possible to help them avoid the hell and eternal damnation.

¹³ “Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ (Matthew 22:13 NIV)

⁴⁰ “As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. ⁴¹ The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. ⁴² They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. ⁴³ Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Whoever has ears, let them hear. (Matthew 13:40-43 NIV)

I think we don`t have to argue regarding the reality of heaven and hell because for those of us who believe in God, we have Bible that`s full of scriptures describing both heaven and hell; but when I see these scriptures where God is showing us this vivid picture of those who denied Him and of those who didn`t repent to get saved, their place would be in the eternal fire where they would have “weeping and gnashing of teeth”, and it sobers me up to deny myself the luxury of self-pity or self-concentration,   

I don`t want to see my husband there, or anyone who I care about deeply. That`s how God feels about all of us whom He created with His own hands, and that`s why He made it so clear to us in His scripture commanding us to do whatever it takes to get saved as many people as we can to help them avoid this kind of a consequence.

I urge you to reconsider your attitude towards your circumstances and adopt the same perspective God has for those who wronged us: He craves for them to get saved just like you and I are saved. Don`t be like the older brother who should have been rejoicing with the Father regarding the return of his prodigal brother. I know I had to reconsider my attitude again and direct my faith towards God`s ultimate goal rather than towards my own heart`s desire.

It is Better To Suffer For Doing Good

Philippians 4:5 (NIV)

⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

As I struggled yesterday with my emotions and feelings towards my husband when going through the thread of emails with him, I blew it in the end afterall. This year we had a very early summer, and I wasn`t prepared to have all my and my daughter`s summer clothes out so early. What made it worse, is that my main pair of sandals that I use to wear with my work clothes to work, and most of my daughter`s summer clothes stayed in my house where my husband is now. As I contacted him yesterday to see when I would be able to drop by to pick up some of my things, I was met with yet another rejection on his part refusing me for another time in the house. His reply was: "let me know what you need, and I`ll bring it over". That stirred all sorts of pain, anger, bitterness, resentment for him, and I replied him stating that he had no right preventing me from getting into my house since it`s a joint property, and he was the one kicking me out of the house on his own accord against my will.

As our conversation over the email escalated, I made sure I made him aware that I plan on getting into the house regardless of whether he liked it or not, and he had no choice but to agree to leave the key for me at certain time for me today to stop by and pick up whatever I needed while he was out.

As I sent him my last reply, I was directed immediately by the Holy Spirit to the following scripture in 1 Peter 3:17 (NIV)

¹⁷ For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.

I could just scream inside out for God convicting my heart so fast and to the point. How is that every time I bring all my searing pain, and anger and resentment to His feet, He does justice to bring out the truth in me right up front. I had no right sending my husband those kinds of emails because in my actions I contradicted against what I`m praying for.

If I pray for healing in my heart and for love for him, and for his complete repentance, yet I provoke a fight, I only prevent God from doing something particular in each of our hearts. In my situation I had two choices:

- I could either let it go right after I got a reply from my husband refusing me to go in the house

- Or I could have never emailed him in the first place asking to let me in the house to pick up some of my belongings because I already had a similar experience in the past, and I knew the kind of reaction I would get form him.

Right after God showed me this scripture, I could hear His clear voice questioning my trust in His ability to provide for me. Didn`t He provide for me the apartment, all the furniture, necessary clothes for me and for my daughter, finances, car, etc? He asked me whether I believed He could provide for me for the missing items: my shoes, my daughter`s summer clothes, and other things, and I had no choice but to repent.

I felt so miserable that every time regardless how hard I try, I fail. I started to pray that God would take away my feelings of hurt prompting me to despise my husband and to resent him for everything that he does to me and to our daughter, and to fill me up with the vision of the way God views him. Some days I am capable of seeing him that way, and some days, like yesterday, I give in to my emotions prompting staleness in the progress.

As I continued to pray today on a way to work for God to show me how to deal with my feelings, I was taken to the message that I got from Proverbs 31 Ministries showing me the scripture in Philippians 4:5.

The meaning of this word "gentleness" is actually is more of a humble sense, more like "Let your "humbleness" be evident to all. The Lord is near. " I could have "clipped" my tongue and said nothing in my response to my husband`s rejection, and with that response, I would have been "gentle/humble". By doing the opposite, I gave way to Satan to play with both of our minds. I am sure my husband is thinking all sorts of negative things about me just as well as I was.

These scriptures really bring me to my knees to beg God to change me and to conform me into His image, so I could produce the gifts of the Holy Spirit:

 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5:22-26 NIV)

I could not find joy, peace, love, goodness, gentleness, and self-control anywhere in me yesterday, that`s for sure. What`s more, I could find envy, that I saw for my husband was planning on taking our daughter somewhere between 1pm-7 pm, and I knew he was gonna be off from work to have that time with her while I had to be at work and not being able to spend time with my daughter.

All these unchecked emotions and feelings were ruling me instead of me taking charge of my flesh disallowing myself this kind of "luxury" to lash at my husband if I continue to pray for his change of heart. Throughout yesterday I kept getting reminders how Abraham was taken out of his household and out of his homeland into some unknown place, and he trusted the Lord with his whole heart. It was a reminder for me to continue to trust in the Lord and to put aside all this bickering to satisfy my flesh`s desire to avenge my hurt.

I have to look at what`s unseen because that`s the outcome of the faith: acting upon something unseen yet promised of. God promised that He would restore my family and do the impossible, and I only have to stay obedient to His promise and wait; otherwise my faith is futile, for the faith has to produce fruit.

¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. ¹⁹ You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. ²⁰ You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless^[d]? ²¹ Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? ²² You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. ²³ And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”^[e] and he was called God’s friend. ²⁴ You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. (James 2:18-24 NIV)

Abraham believed that God is capable to deliver him and his family throughout his trials, and he acted in obedience as a correspondence to his faith. In other words, his faith produced obedient actions appropriate to please the Lord and to show he trusted God.

That`s exactly what god showed me I had to do: if I suffer, I have to suffer for good and not for evil, and to be patient about it, so my faith could produce the appropriate fruits to please the Lord in order to change my circumstances.

I know that when I am obedient to the Lord, I give Him full access to change the circumstances and to produce the necessary outcome, so I had to remind myself all over again to dream of the positive, to dream of my victory to restore my family, to dream of God`s victory to produce this glory in His name for everyone to see that only He can do the impossible.

If you face similar challenges where you battle with your flesh or with your emotions of hurt, God showed me yesterday that instead of thinking about the negative and all that pain, I have to think and dream of the victory, and it will prompt the necessary change in heart to respond the right way to ungodly behavior that my husband is showing me. That`s the only way I can win this battle with myself- is by allowing this vision of God`s glory to victory to see the invisible, for "Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)

It is only by assurance in the invisible and through the confidence in that hope I can get through these trials.

I had to pray with Karen Ehman from the Proverbs 31 Ministries with this prayer today:

 Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I choose condemnation over love; rudeness over kindness; or decide to do nothing rather than do the right thing. Please prompt my heart and interrupt my momentary schedule so my actions accurately reflect who You are. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Being Zealous For God!

1 Corinthians 5 (NIV)

¹ It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife.

² And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this?
³ For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this.
⁴ So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present,
⁵ hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh,^[a][b] so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

As I was reading 1 Corinthians today, this whole chapter just jumped at me, and I knew that I had to share it with you. I believe this is one of the very important scriptures in the Bible where God explicitly describes what kind of behavior should not be tolerated in the church among Christians and the kind of actions have to be taken in order to attempt to save that person in the end.

-First, Paul mentions the appalling behavior that was condoned in the church: that sexual immorality of the kind that even among pagans was not allowed, yet that was permitted in the church. I can tell you that my husband is very well accepted in the church where he goes to and tolerated for all his evildoing, sexual immorality, and drunkenness rather than being "handed over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord. " (verse 5).

This verse goes along with the scriptures that I quoted in the past articles where Paul says in Romans 1:24 (NIV):

²⁴ Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.

Also God said in Psalm 81:11-12 (NIV)

¹¹ “But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. ¹² So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.

When we voluntarily continue to sin after "getting saved", we become numb to the Holy Spirit`s conviction, and God gives us up to the desires of our hearts, so we can get enough of whatever sin that captures our lives. It is important to note that it is acceptable and even necessary to stand up to the truth and to reject sin from the church because that`s what Jesus did as an example when He casted out all merchants from the temple; He took a whip and started getting everyone out. God requires us to be zealous for His truth and stand up for it even if it means rejecting some people out of the church, so not to defile the whole "body" of Christ.

John 2:13-17 (NIV)

¹³ When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. ¹⁴ In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. ¹⁵ So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. ¹⁶To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” ¹⁷ His disciples remembered that it is written: “Zeal for your house will consume me.”

Elijah was zealous for God when he went out and killed all the Baal priests in order to get nation`s attention for God`s truth (1 Kings 18:36-40). These examples are not necessarily something that we need to do in our days and age (like start killing false priests, getting a whip, etc.), but these examples should serve us as a check points for our hearts-- testing whether we would be willing to do whatever it takes to get across God`s truth even if it makes us unpopular, even if it means loosing some friends and support.

I am being called "crazy" by my own husband because I chose to live for God and to stand up to His truth even if it meant putting on a line my family, my life, my freedom because I knew that I want to be obedient to His word. I was tired of hypocrisy and mediocrity in my life; my tolerance of my sin and my husband`s sin only delayed the possibility of God`s deliverance. If I have given up my husband to his own heart`s lusts right after I found out about all his lies and saw he was unwilling to change (which was year and a half ago), maybe I wouldn`t have had to be where I am now, but because of my tolerance, I only extended the period and extent of my trials.

Paul goes further and says in this chapter 1 Corinthians 5:6-8 (NIV):

⁶ Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? ⁷Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. ⁸Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

Paul is making this clear picture of dough making and the way people used yeast to expand the volume of dough and the quality of dough to prepare bread. Not only did the yeast enhance the quantity of the bread, but the flavor was a lot better too. If any of you ever tried bread made with yeast, we all can relate as to how much more delicious it is in flavor compare to the unleavened plain bread, which is something that Israelites had to use during the Passover holiday; they were to put away all yeast a week prior to Passover and sweep their house clean of any leaven bread or yeast in order to have this remembrance of the Passover (their exodus out of the Egypt when God spared all firstborns among Israelites and killed them among Egyptians).

In this passage, Paul reminds us that our sinful actions (which is like yeast expanding our lustful desires) must be put away (this “old yeast”) because it will affect not only one`s heart but one`s actions also, which would in turn produce further destruction and consequence of sin including those closely surrounding that person. Sin perpetuates a deadly cycle: thought to action, action to consequence, consequence effecting one`s heart and life and affecting those around.

My husband defiled himself, and his sin produced a lot of destruction to his heart and life, but the consequence of his sin produced a complete destruction of our family defiling me, our daughter, our relatives, parents, serving as a poor testimony of God`s name among his unsaved family and friends. That`s why Paul challenges us to live our life without sin, without this “old leven” that produces malice and wickedness, reckless and irresponsible behaviors, but rather in brokenness of a true repented heart that produces “sincerity and truth”.

One of the most crucial parts here is the last portion of the chapter where Paul distinguishes between attempting to save the sinners and between those who continue to live in sin, yet claiming to be “Christians”.

1 Corinthians 5:9-13 (NIV)

⁹ I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— ¹⁰ not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. ¹¹ But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister^[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. ¹² What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? ¹³God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”^[d]

This is the part where a lot of churches refuse to take a stand and to make that blatant distinction between those who voluntarily continue to live in sin and between those who live in sin unaware of what needs to be done in order to get saved.

In other words, if I have unsaved friends or family members—it`s not that I must disassociate with them, but rather attempt to bring the truth of the Gospel to them and to show them through my actions and through my life the authenticity of Christ`s sacrifice; however, if I am saved, yet I choose to live in sin being aware of the consequences, than this is something that`s unacceptable to God, and something that as Christians we are challenged to stand up for and disassociate ourselves from those kinds of people.

The reason for that is because as human beings, we tend to fall under the influence of sin tempting ourselves to fall into the old sinful ways of living. I cannot tell you how many times I attempted to make a stand against my husband`s behavior and to stop sinning myself, yet I was only finding myself falling right back because the temptation was too great, and I wasn`t strong enough spiritually to resist my flesh.

Another important factor for disassociating ourselves with those “Christians” who continue to live in sin is we take a stand for God`s truth. If we don`t make that stand, we become partakers in whatever one`s sinful actions are. To illustrate that, we could look at the bank robbers: if we knew of someone who was going to rob the bank, and we didn`t make a good faith attempt to prevent that from happening, we became accomplices in the actions because we had a chance to prevent that from happening, yet we did nothing to stop that. In the real world, we would have been charged with crime as accomplices and could go to jail as a consequence.

Here, God is saying the same thing, if we are aware of “anyone who claims to be a brother or sister^[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler” and continue to tolerate that, we become their accomplices and grieve Holy Spirit.

God said in Hebrews 10:26-30 (NIV)

²⁶ If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, ²⁷ but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. ²⁸Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. ²⁹ How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? ³⁰ For we know him who said,“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[d] and again,“The Lord will judge his people.”

Hebrews 6:4-6 (NIV)

⁴ It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, ⁵ who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age ⁶and who have fallen^[c] away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.

God requires us to be zealous for Him and for His truth. By tolerating “brother or sister” living a sinful life and associating with them, we “trample the Son of God underfoot” with them. I don`t ever want to do that again, and today`s chapter really spoke to my heart to encourage me to keep on the path where I am now- to continue to stand up for His truth even if it means legal separation until the right day, but I don`t ever want to look back and see myself as someone being called an accomplice of a condoned immoral and sinful behavior. God is a very jealous God, and He will not tolerate this kind of behavior, whether we like that or not.

The good thing about this passage, is there is that promise from God that if we leave those “Christians” brothers or sisters” alone- give them up to their own hearts` lust, they could be “saved on the day of the Lord”. That means that God never stops to wait for them and hope that they would make that impacting decision to yield to the Holy Spirit and to repent. Our Lord is merciful and loving, and by disassociating with those people, we are doing them a favor because it produces challenge for them to face their actions, their sins. Also, we are still commanded to pray for them, to intercede, so God could continue to do His work in their lives.

That`s why this chapter was such an encouragement for me- knowing that my interceding prayers for my husband actually work and will produce harvest one day if only I will stay obedient to the end. I encourage you today, if you know someone who claims to be “saved” yet lives a sinful carnal life, to take heed of this scripture and commit your life to stand for the truth, yet continue to pray for that person to turn to God fully. God will reward you for your faithfulness to His word and obedience to no end. He is doing that to me already, and I know that He will do the same for you.