Love Suffers Long

1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 (NKJV)

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

This is something that the Holy Spirit convicted me of today as I opened today`s devotional to define part of God`s true love. I had to remind myself that Love is Long Patient and it Suffers Long. This is exactly what I go through now- suffering long. It`s been a very long and draining journey, but I can see the way God`s been changing me throughout this whole period of time.

I could never even consider admitting being rude or proud when admitting my mistakes or take responsibility for my piece of the mess in my marriage, and now I don`t have any problems admitting my faults, my side of the problem. I am very grateful to God for changing my heart and softening it to accept my faults in order to change them.

Last week I had a scheduling conference where the dates for the upcoming temporary hearing, mediation, pre-trial settlement conference were identified, and my husband once again attempted to get what he wanted, which was avoiding temporary hearing where the decision regarding custody, use and possession of the house, all legal fees repayment, etc. is going to be decided. He attempted to use the sessions with the pastor that we went to the week before as an excuse to show we are working on reconciling; hence we are not in need of the temporary hearing. After our last meeting with the pastor for the counseling session, he tried to use that to make me look as if I contradict myself when requesting legal separation stating that reconciliation is impossible while refusing to take accountability and full responsibility for his actions.

As our pastor emailed us the rules for the possible continuous counseling, I felt the urge to share both side`s legal documents to avoid counter-arguing during the counseling sessions, and this is where the Holy spirit got me good. He reminded me that if my whole purpose of the agreement for the counseling was to make all possible attempts to bring my husband back to God and to repentance, than I should have been humble as Jesus was when He was accused wrongly of the crimes He was not guilty of. I should have let God defend me and fight for me as He said that vengeance is His rather than proving my point by showing everything that my husband did to me.

³⁵ It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near
and their doom rushes upon them. ” (Deuteronomy 32:35 NIV)

¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[d] says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”^{[e] 21} Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:19-21 NIV)

I was reminded once again that it would have been so much more productive for the Holy Spirit to move in my husband`s heart if I overcame his evil with my good ignoring all the injustice that he is attempting to do to me. I repented in responding to prove my own justice, and I pray that God would give me another chance to make the difference in my circumstances. My husband agreed to drive to the neutral church, Calvary Chapel but in our local different area, and in the agreement we were supposed to attend two services out of the month together, even if we drove separate, which would allow my husband a chance to listen to the correct interpretation of the Bible, since he used to go to Calvary with me before he switched churches and went astray completely. After attending the church together with our daughter, we would have a counseling session with our pastor, and we are to do that for 3 months (2 sessions per month).

It all comes down to biting my tongue and searching the Lord to give me patience and self-control; the goal of these meetings is not for me to prove me right because for that I have ongoing litigation and God Who is going to bring all the truth out, but the purpose of these meetings is for God to start the work in my husband`s heart by allowing him to be in the right biblical environment and to hear the truth of God. That would enable God to move in his heart and to make him aware of the things my husband does wrong.

As I am praying for God to sustain me to commit to long suffering, long patience, to do good in return for evil, to love the unlovable, I ask the Lord to strengthen me in my commitment to bite my tongue to ignore all the alec remarks and lies that my husband says when twisting my words or my attorney`s, so be it.

Please pray for me, so God gives me His love, wisdom, grace to overcome evil by doing good, so that all the long suffering I go through produces fruit in His honor!

God Turns My Darkness Into Light

Psalm 18:24-28 (NIV)

²⁴ The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
²⁵ To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
²⁶ to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
²⁷ You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
²⁸ You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

I know it`s been awhile since my last post, but I try to only use this blog when God shows me some scriptures that speak to my heart making me urge to share it with others. This scriptures in Psalm 18 is one of the places in the Bible that God showed me as my promise and my hope to rely on. I know that so long as I continue to walk in His way and seek His face, He would continue to direct my path. God will continue to turn my darkness into light!

As I continue to pray for my husband, recently in one of our email exchanges regarding our daughter, he indicated that he would be willing to meet with my pastor (he stopped going to our church for over a year and the church he is going to now continues to misguide him biblicaly  and justify his actions). So we met last Sunday with the neutral pastor from Calvary Chapel in our area, and my husband was questioned regarding some things he`s done to me and to our daughter as a result of his recklessness and wickedness. Our session ended with my husband leaving the place pretty angry (and I left being angry with him for being such a coward), but as I came face to face with the Lord, He calmed me down and helped me to get to the place of humbleness. Once again this Psalm 18 served me the purpose of reminding me how just God is, and He never fails to bring out the truth into the light.

Yesterday I was able to get Pendente Lite hearing, although this is something that my husband strongly attempted to avoid, and my attorney was able to get this request satisfied. When I was going for the conference, I continued to pray that it would be God`s will on all the dates and events that would take place. Although we did have some unnecessary events to attend as a result to please the judge in exchange for the Pendente Lite hearing, all in all, God`s hand proved that my husband didn`t get what he wanted.

The Lord shows Himself shrewd with those who are devious and wicked, and this is exactly what I have on my hands. God continues to support me through His scriptures and provide for me in all the necessary areas. God deals with my husband according to his heart, and only God knows what`s in his heart. During my counseling with my husband last Sunday, I could see how cruel he is and what his intentions are towards me: to destroy me to the ground, but God would not allow that to happen so long as I continue to walk in His way.

If you are ever in situation like mine: have fear, exhausted, in need of His word, in need of His support, please know that God never forsakes His own. I hope you are able to see that through my testimony, and the way He`s been my right hand all along these horrible months of endless trials. He`s been my rock, my refuge, my salvation, my mercy, my grace, my hope, and only God is able to deliver me out of the hand of my enemy (spiritual battle I am referring to).

Please don`t loose hope because like Paul said in Galatians 6:7-9 (NIV)

⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 

God never fails to do justice, and He`s proven His word to be true at all times. I believe that what I sow now by agreeing to meet with the pastor and my husband for the counseling and by preventing myself to prove my circumstances, I allow God the opportunity to move and to bring His truth into the light. Through our last counseling session, my husband started to say out loud things, which were true of what he`s done, as a result of what`s in his heart. He started to bring out the true facts into the light, and he didn`t even realize he was saying those things. This is a result of my praying and many other prayers which take place in many different churches now, and among our friends. God is faithful to those who are patient and stay in His word, so please have no doubt that God is not going to be mocked. He will be shrewd to those who are devious and merciful to those who are kind.

My next hearing is on June 18, 2012, so please continue to pray for me, so God continues to direct my path and gives me wisdom to act and say things of His truth. Thank you for all your prayers for those of you who have been following my story; may God bless you and give you peace.