Philippians 4:5 (NIV)
5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
As I struggled yesterday with my emotions and feelings towards my husband when going through the thread of emails with him, I blew it in the end afterall. This year we had a very early summer, and I wasn`t prepared to have all my and my daughter`s summer clothes out so early. What made it worse, is that my main pair of sandals that I use to wear with my work clothes to work, and most of my daughter`s summer clothes stayed in my house where my husband is now. As I contacted him yesterday to see when I would be able to drop by to pick up some of my things, I was met with yet another rejection on his part refusing me for another time in the house. His reply was: "let me know what you need, and I`ll bring it over". That stirred all sorts of pain, anger, bitterness, resentment for him, and I replied him stating that he had no right preventing me from getting into my house since it`s a joint property, and he was the one kicking me out of the house on his own accord against my will.
As our conversation over the email escalated, I made sure I made him aware that I plan on getting into the house regardless of whether he liked it or not, and he had no choice but to agree to leave the key for me at certain time for me today to stop by and pick up whatever I needed while he was out.
As I sent him my last reply, I was directed immediately by the Holy Spirit to the following scripture in 1 Peter 3:17 (NIV)
17 For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
I could just scream inside out for God convicting my heart so fast and to the point. How is that every time I bring all my searing pain, and anger and resentment to His feet, He does justice to bring out the truth in me right up front. I had no right sending my husband those kinds of emails because in my actions I contradicted against what I`m praying for.
If I pray for healing in my heart and for love for him, and for his complete repentance, yet I provoke a fight, I only prevent God from doing something particular in each of our hearts. In my situation I had two choices:
- I could either let it go right after I got a reply from my husband refusing me to go in the house
- Or I could have never emailed him in the first place asking to let me in the house to pick up some of my belongings because I already had a similar experience in the past, and I knew the kind of reaction I would get form him.
Right after God showed me this scripture, I could hear His clear voice questioning my trust in His ability to provide for me. Didn`t He provide for me the apartment, all the furniture, necessary clothes for me and for my daughter, finances, car, etc? He asked me whether I believed He could provide for me for the missing items: my shoes, my daughter`s summer clothes, and other things, and I had no choice but to repent.
I felt so miserable that every time regardless how hard I try, I fail. I started to pray that God would take away my feelings of hurt prompting me to despise my husband and to resent him for everything that he does to me and to our daughter, and to fill me up with the vision of the way God views him. Some days I am capable of seeing him that way, and some days, like yesterday, I give in to my emotions prompting staleness in the progress.
As I continued to pray today on a way to work for God to show me how to deal with my feelings, I was taken to the message that I got from Proverbs 31 Ministries showing me the scripture in Philippians 4:5.
The meaning of this word "gentleness" is actually is more of a humble sense, more like "Let your "humbleness" be evident to all. The Lord is near. " I could have "clipped" my tongue and said nothing in my response to my husband`s rejection, and with that response, I would have been "gentle/humble". By doing the opposite, I gave way to Satan to play with both of our minds. I am sure my husband is thinking all sorts of negative things about me just as well as I was.
These scriptures really bring me to my knees to beg God to change me and to conform me into His image, so I could produce the gifts of the Holy Spirit:
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5:22-26 NIV)
I could not find joy, peace, love, goodness, gentleness, and self-control anywhere in me yesterday, that`s for sure. What`s more, I could find envy, that I saw for my husband was planning on taking our daughter somewhere between 1pm-7 pm, and I knew he was gonna be off from work to have that time with her while I had to be at work and not being able to spend time with my daughter.
All these unchecked emotions and feelings were ruling me instead of me taking charge of my flesh disallowing myself this kind of "luxury" to lash at my husband if I continue to pray for his change of heart. Throughout yesterday I kept getting reminders how Abraham was taken out of his household and out of his homeland into some unknown place, and he trusted the Lord with his whole heart. It was a reminder for me to continue to trust in the Lord and to put aside all this bickering to satisfy my flesh`s desire to avenge my hurt.
I have to look at what`s unseen because that`s the outcome of the faith: acting upon something unseen yet promised of. God promised that He would restore my family and do the impossible, and I only have to stay obedient to His promise and wait; otherwise my faith is futile, for the faith has to produce fruit.
18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. 20 You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? 21 Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”[e] and he was called God’s friend. 24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. (James 2:18-24 NIV)
Abraham believed that God is capable to deliver him and his family throughout his trials, and he acted in obedience as a correspondence to his faith. In other words, his faith produced obedient actions appropriate to please the Lord and to show he trusted God.
That`s exactly what god showed me I had to do: if I suffer, I have to suffer for good and not for evil, and to be patient about it, so my faith could produce the appropriate fruits to please the Lord in order to change my circumstances.
I know that when I am obedient to the Lord, I give Him full access to change the circumstances and to produce the necessary outcome, so I had to remind myself all over again to dream of the positive, to dream of my victory to restore my family, to dream of God`s victory to produce this glory in His name for everyone to see that only He can do the impossible.
If you face similar challenges where you battle with your flesh or with your emotions of hurt, God showed me yesterday that instead of thinking about the negative and all that pain, I have to think and dream of the victory, and it will prompt the necessary change in heart to respond the right way to ungodly behavior that my husband is showing me. That`s the only way I can win this battle with myself- is by allowing this vision of God`s glory to victory to see the invisible, for "Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)
It is only by assurance in the invisible and through the confidence in that hope I can get through these trials.
I had to pray with Karen Ehman from the Proverbs 31 Ministries with this prayer today:
Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I choose condemnation over love; rudeness over kindness; or decide to do nothing rather than do the right thing. Please prompt my heart and interrupt my momentary schedule so my actions accurately reflect who You are. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
As I struggled yesterday with my emotions and feelings towards my husband when going through the thread of emails with him, I blew it in the end afterall. This year we had a very early summer, and I wasn`t prepared to have all my and my daughter`s summer clothes out so early. What made it worse, is that my main pair of sandals that I use to wear with my work clothes to work, and most of my daughter`s summer clothes stayed in my house where my husband is now. As I contacted him yesterday to see when I would be able to drop by to pick up some of my things, I was met with yet another rejection on his part refusing me for another time in the house. His reply was: "let me know what you need, and I`ll bring it over". That stirred all sorts of pain, anger, bitterness, resentment for him, and I replied him stating that he had no right preventing me from getting into my house since it`s a joint property, and he was the one kicking me out of the house on his own accord against my will.
As our conversation over the email escalated, I made sure I made him aware that I plan on getting into the house regardless of whether he liked it or not, and he had no choice but to agree to leave the key for me at certain time for me today to stop by and pick up whatever I needed while he was out.
As I sent him my last reply, I was directed immediately by the Holy Spirit to the following scripture in 1 Peter 3:17 (NIV)
17 For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
I could just scream inside out for God convicting my heart so fast and to the point. How is that every time I bring all my searing pain, and anger and resentment to His feet, He does justice to bring out the truth in me right up front. I had no right sending my husband those kinds of emails because in my actions I contradicted against what I`m praying for.
If I pray for healing in my heart and for love for him, and for his complete repentance, yet I provoke a fight, I only prevent God from doing something particular in each of our hearts. In my situation I had two choices:
- I could either let it go right after I got a reply from my husband refusing me to go in the house
- Or I could have never emailed him in the first place asking to let me in the house to pick up some of my belongings because I already had a similar experience in the past, and I knew the kind of reaction I would get form him.
Right after God showed me this scripture, I could hear His clear voice questioning my trust in His ability to provide for me. Didn`t He provide for me the apartment, all the furniture, necessary clothes for me and for my daughter, finances, car, etc? He asked me whether I believed He could provide for me for the missing items: my shoes, my daughter`s summer clothes, and other things, and I had no choice but to repent.
I felt so miserable that every time regardless how hard I try, I fail. I started to pray that God would take away my feelings of hurt prompting me to despise my husband and to resent him for everything that he does to me and to our daughter, and to fill me up with the vision of the way God views him. Some days I am capable of seeing him that way, and some days, like yesterday, I give in to my emotions prompting staleness in the progress.
As I continued to pray today on a way to work for God to show me how to deal with my feelings, I was taken to the message that I got from Proverbs 31 Ministries showing me the scripture in Philippians 4:5.
The meaning of this word "gentleness" is actually is more of a humble sense, more like "Let your "humbleness" be evident to all. The Lord is near. " I could have "clipped" my tongue and said nothing in my response to my husband`s rejection, and with that response, I would have been "gentle/humble". By doing the opposite, I gave way to Satan to play with both of our minds. I am sure my husband is thinking all sorts of negative things about me just as well as I was.
These scriptures really bring me to my knees to beg God to change me and to conform me into His image, so I could produce the gifts of the Holy Spirit:
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5:22-26 NIV)
I could not find joy, peace, love, goodness, gentleness, and self-control anywhere in me yesterday, that`s for sure. What`s more, I could find envy, that I saw for my husband was planning on taking our daughter somewhere between 1pm-7 pm, and I knew he was gonna be off from work to have that time with her while I had to be at work and not being able to spend time with my daughter.
All these unchecked emotions and feelings were ruling me instead of me taking charge of my flesh disallowing myself this kind of "luxury" to lash at my husband if I continue to pray for his change of heart. Throughout yesterday I kept getting reminders how Abraham was taken out of his household and out of his homeland into some unknown place, and he trusted the Lord with his whole heart. It was a reminder for me to continue to trust in the Lord and to put aside all this bickering to satisfy my flesh`s desire to avenge my hurt.
I have to look at what`s unseen because that`s the outcome of the faith: acting upon something unseen yet promised of. God promised that He would restore my family and do the impossible, and I only have to stay obedient to His promise and wait; otherwise my faith is futile, for the faith has to produce fruit.
18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. 20 You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? 21 Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”[e] and he was called God’s friend. 24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. (James 2:18-24 NIV)
Abraham believed that God is capable to deliver him and his family throughout his trials, and he acted in obedience as a correspondence to his faith. In other words, his faith produced obedient actions appropriate to please the Lord and to show he trusted God.
That`s exactly what god showed me I had to do: if I suffer, I have to suffer for good and not for evil, and to be patient about it, so my faith could produce the appropriate fruits to please the Lord in order to change my circumstances.
I know that when I am obedient to the Lord, I give Him full access to change the circumstances and to produce the necessary outcome, so I had to remind myself all over again to dream of the positive, to dream of my victory to restore my family, to dream of God`s victory to produce this glory in His name for everyone to see that only He can do the impossible.
If you face similar challenges where you battle with your flesh or with your emotions of hurt, God showed me yesterday that instead of thinking about the negative and all that pain, I have to think and dream of the victory, and it will prompt the necessary change in heart to respond the right way to ungodly behavior that my husband is showing me. That`s the only way I can win this battle with myself- is by allowing this vision of God`s glory to victory to see the invisible, for "Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)
It is only by assurance in the invisible and through the confidence in that hope I can get through these trials.
I had to pray with Karen Ehman from the Proverbs 31 Ministries with this prayer today:
Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I choose condemnation over love; rudeness over kindness; or decide to do nothing rather than do the right thing. Please prompt my heart and interrupt my momentary schedule so my actions accurately reflect who You are. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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