Self-sacrificing

John 15:9-21 (NIV)

⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. ¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other. ¹⁸ “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. ¹⁹ If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. ²⁰ Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’^[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. ²¹ They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me.

This is a tough scripture to swallow and to follow. I am going through a lot of afflictions and being beaten down from all directions: my husband, my in-laws, my work, yet I am called to self-sacrifice and turn in the other cheek and to love those who hate me, persecute me or hurt me. It is interesting how God never allows us to stop growing in our relationships with Him. He always challenges with something deeper because it`s a lifelong process to be conformed into His image. I am challenged to love those who badmouth me and gossip about me and pervert my words to use to their own advantage. It`s a very painful feeling to overcome and to concentrate on obedience to God Who commands me to love those people. I am challenged to self-sacrifice everything that I feel to justify my own rights and completely surrender to Him. I cannot afford to be weary for a second because satan doesn`t stop to attack (he is walking like a roaring lion seeking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8), and the second he sees my guard is down, he strikes a blow. Every time I think to myself that what I endured is so severe, unjust, and there is no way there could be anything worse than that, I face more and more betrayal. I got to the point where there is only one solution, and that is God`s miracle in my situation. There is nothing I can do to change the circumstances that I have except for the miracle from God to show His glory.

My goal is to concentrate on loving my enemies and to continue to turn my other cheek while He is coming out as Warrior and leads all of my battles because He is the Winner, and only He can show His glory and glorify His name through my circumstances. I love this scripture where it shows us how strong and mighty our Lord is:

¹³ The LORD shall go forth like a mighty man; He shall stir up His zeal like a man of war. He shall cry out, yes, shout aloud; He shall prevail against His enemies (Isaiah 41:13) NKJV

God is not going to forsake me, but instead he continues to reassure me with His scriptures and by sending random people on my way at the right time to point me onto the right direction to make sure that I fulfill His plan on my life. I want to glorify Him. For God to be able to use me means I have to crucify my flesh, self-sacrifice all my desires and continue to surrender and devote my life to Him every day. Once I started doing that, I saw how rewarding it is because He promised that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I experience that now, and I know that when I comply with His will and obey Him, it brings me joy regardless of how hard it was to make that first step.

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30) NKJV

Our God is faithful in what He does, so if today you experience the same disillusionment, depression, you need to make that decision to take up His yoke because it`s light, and God never lies. I can promise you that based on my own experience. When circumstances tell me the opposite, I continue to press on because I know that what I see now is unfinished product, and the finish is nearing close for me to glorify my Lord through my circumstances.

Hebrews 12:1-2

 ¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I am running this race for God because I want to glorify Him and for others to see His greatness in my circumstances. My God never leaves me nor forsakes me, and everything He promised He will fulfill for He cannot deny Himself.

¹¹ This is a faithful saying: For if we died with Him, We shall also live with Him. ¹² If we endure, We shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He also will deny us. ¹³ If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself. (2 Timothy 2:11-13)NKJV

Remember, that God is for me and for you, and He will guide you when you put all your faith in Him, so persevere and hang in there whatever your circumstances are; but do not be weary, help is on a way! 

Giving Up For Him...

Luke 18:18-30

English Standard Version (ESV)

 ¹⁸ And a ruler asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

¹⁹And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.

²⁰You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.'"

²¹And he said, "All these I have kept from my youth."

²²When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me."

²³ But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich.

²⁴Jesus, seeing that he had become sad, said, "How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!

²⁵For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God."

²⁶Those who heard it said, "Then who can be saved?"

²⁷But he said, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

²⁸And Peter said, "See, we have left our homes and followed you."

²⁹And he said to them, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers^[a] or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God,

³⁰who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life."

As I was reading today`s devotions, I was reminded once again by the Holy Spirit that God deals with each one of His children individually as we all have our own distinct ways of living that prevent us from following Him and obeying His will. God doesn`t play games, and in this passage in the Gospel of Luke we see how strict Jesus was with this young man because He knows our hearts and what truly rules our lives. Jesus saw that this young man followed the Law that Moses wrote down; however his heart was far away from God.

In this passage Jesus challenged this young man with something more sacred and more important to God—personal relationships with Him. It is so often that we claim ourselves to be “Christians” when in reality we only follow “the Law” by going to the church, home group, reading Bible devotions every day, or every other day, praying once a day for 15 min., etc. but in reality our hearts are far away from God and it prevents us from following His will.

God is very patient with us, and He doesn`t nag us or beg us; He generally say something personal to individual once and then He withdraws, so when we don`t hear Him say anything after that, it is because there is nothing else to say. It`s either His way or no way.

I remember when I fought with God for a good three weeks before I gave in to His will and finally obeyed Him by apologizing before my husband for being unforgiving, angry, and bitter. I remember lying in bed for a good fifty minutes before I could utter those words because they went against my own instincts and pride. My pride was telling me not to do that because he doesn`t deserve to hear those words, but I chose obedience to God over that because I knew there was no other way for me. I didn`t want to be in the desert any longer isolated from God with my sins, so I made that step of obedience into the right direction, and it produced fruit that same week. It didn`t sold all of my problems, but if gave me that small break and reassurance that God is there for me when I follow Him, and He provides for me the necessary situations and resources to come out as a winner.

If you look inside your heart, do you have something that keeps you from “following Jesus”? Is there something that you need “to sell” such as pride, hard heart, your old ways of living, your carnality because none of those things would allow you to Hear God nor comply with His will. Paul clearly stated what our God`s will is for each one:

Ephesians 1:8-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding,
⁹ he^[a] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ,
¹⁰ to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

God`s will is to bring the whole universe that He created in obedience to Jesus Christ. In other words, when we see Jesus telling this young man to sell off his properties to follow Him, He is waiting for that obedience. God knows our hearts, and He knows that we are selfish and always have something holding our attention, our heart that is inappropriate. Our Lord demands that we glorify Him first. We cannot do that if we concentrate on things that are selfish to our own benefits.

I like how Oswald Chambers said:

This man understood what Jesus said. He heard it clearly, realizing the full impact of its meaning, and it broke his heart. He did not go away as a defiant person, but as one who was sorrowful and discouraged. He had come to Jesus on fire with zeal and determination, but the words of Jesus simply froze him. Instead of producing enthusiastic devotion to Jesus, they produced heartbreaking discouragement. And Jesus did not go after him, but let him go. Our Lord knows perfectly well that once His word is truly heard, it will bear fruit sooner or later. What is so terrible is that some of us prevent His words from bearing fruit in our present life.

God`s word bears fruit when we hear it and not just listen to it. How many times have I gone to the church and listened to the sermon without “hearing” it. How many times did I deny God`s obedience because I was “discouraged” by the amount of hard work it involved and went against my own desires and selfishness. The only way to please Him and to bear fruit is to die for oneself. I am still trying to do that because it`s extremely hard to do.

It is important to ask yourself whether there is something in one`s heart that takes precedent over God because He is not going to plead or beg; He is going to simply leave us alone. I personally don`t ever want to be in that place when I don`t hear His voice again or feel His support because it`s a horrible place to be where you are left all to yourself and to your own selfish motives and carnal lifestyle. I`ve been there, done it, and I am not going back.

If you have something in your life that you feel like takes precedent over God, something that you are holding on and not willing to “sell”, I encourage you to make that lip of faith and give it up because God will reward you for that. He is already doing that with me. The amount of peace and reassurance that I get when I surrender to Him my life, my circumstances, my problems, my husband, could not be explained; it could only be personally experienced. I encourage you to pray and repent in whatever that kept your attention away from God, so instead of being discouraged with His will, be reassured that He will not fail you. His ways are way better than our ways.

Untouchables

Jeremiah 48: 7-13 (NKJ)

⁷ For because you have trusted in your works and your treasures,  You also shall be taken.  And Chemosh shall go forth into captivity, His priests and his princes together. 

⁸ And the plunderer shall come against every city; No one shall escape.  The valley also shall perish, And the plain shall be destroyed,  As the LORD has spoken.

⁹ “ Give wings to Moab, That she may flee and get away;  For her cities shall be  desolate, Without any to dwell in them. 

¹⁰ Cursed is he who does the work of the LORD deceitfully, And cursed is he who

 keeps back his sword from blood.

¹¹ “ Moab has been at ease from his^[e] youth;  He has settled on his dregs,  And has not been emptied from vessel to vessel,  Nor has he gone into captivity. Therefore his taste remained in him,  And his scent has not changed. 

¹² “ Therefore behold, the days are coming,” says the LORD, “ That I shall send him wine-workers  Who will tip him over  And empty his vessels And break the bottles. 

¹³ Moab shall be ashamed of Chemosh,  As the house of Israel was ashamed of 

Bethel, their confidence.

Some people think they can actually get away with their sins even after being saved; they are what I call “Untouchables”. The reason why I use this term is because when sin enters one`s heart, it binds and blinds one`s mind, which boosts pride and brings a person to the “I rule the world” place where there is no room for God. God doesn`t share His glory with anybody nor can He dwell in the place where the pride rules.  He leaves those Christians “untouched” for a while because He applies long patience to save us, and He waits if we would hearken to Him.

This is what happened to Moabites, they mocked Israelites for being punished by God when they worshiped idol gods (“Israel was ashamed of Bethel”) and sinned against the Lord. Now God is telling Moabites in chapter 48 that although they were “ease from his youth” , meaning “untouched”, there are days coming when vessels would be empty and those bottles would break, so there would be no way back to the old ways of life.
 

Sin perpetuates a deadly cycle: thought enters one`s mind, then action-we sin, then covering up for the actually committed sin, then denying the committed sin, then self-justifying the committed sin, then cutting Holy Spirit`s conviction off due to the pride in one`s heart. We are busy people. It is exhausting trying to keep up with all this work that sin creates for us.

It`s something that amazes me because it is foolish to think that we can hide from God. We could definitely hide certain sins and facts from people, and even with that, the truth always comes out with time. God puts us in situations where the truth revils and the person who lied only get embarrassed. In this scripture of chapter 48, Jeremiah talks about Moabites who were like “vessels” that weren`t touched, and they produced smell of spoiled odors.

This is a very interesting scripture that I think could be very well applied as a vivid depiction of the backsliding Christians-- “saved Christians” who although claim to be “saved”, but they don`t live that. How can someone attempt to do the work “for the Lord deceitfully”? It is foolish, yet I did that, and I know many who continue to live a “fake” life of “untouchables”. The reason why it`s showing that the vessels weren`t touched is because God is long suffering and long patient; He doesn`t enjoy wiping people off the earth. He created us to have relationships with Him, and He is always on our side waiting patiently when we would turn our ways to Him with all our hearts and mind to seek Him. However, at some point after we get saved when we continue to live the life of “an old man”, His cup of patience and mercy turns into a rod, for our own sake, and He starts to “empty the vessels” and “touch” the “untouchable” through the different circumstances that we bring into our lives with our own hands.

What these verses tell us is that the hardships that we experience in life are part of maturing in Christ process (emptying from vessel to vessel), so the lifestyle that we produce becomes transparent and pure in reflecting the nature of God.

Ezekiel: 33:12, 17-20
 

 ¹²Tell them that when good people start sinning, all the good they did in the past cannot save them from being punished. And remind them that when wicked people stop sinning, their past sins will be completely forgiven, and they won't be punished.

¹⁷Ezekiel, your people accuse me of being unfair. But they are the ones who are unfair.

¹⁸If good people start doing evil, they will be put to death, because they have sinned.

¹⁹And if wicked people stop sinning and start doing right, they will save themselves from punishment.

²⁰But the Israelites still think I am unfair. So warn them that they will be punished for what they have done.

God is merciful and He is willing to cover our transgressions with His love and Jesus` blood that He shed on the cross for us, but we have to be willing and start listening to what He is telling us. We have to yield to the Lord. That means that we have to hearken to Him, for those of us who were or still are prodigals, or maybe non-saved people. God is longing for us to hearken to Him and to come to His presence, to have that personal relationship that He prepared to have with each one of His children.

God placed me in situation where I was no longer “Untouchable”, and He had to apply the rod to get me out of the sin to recommit my life to Him once and for all. His grace is overwhelming, but He will discipline His children to the point when we stop fighting with Him and give in to His will. Our Father has a much better will on our lives than I could ever envision or create on my own. I know that because I`ve tested it, and I was blown away by His blessings in my life. I continue to go through the Death Valley, but He is my Shepherd, and He renews my strength every day to give me enough to get through each day. I know that I will see His glory in my situation as great as never before, and it would serve as a great testimony for others.

If you go through the hardships, you should ask yourself:

- Is it because I was “Untouchable” for so long that my sins reached the threshold in His eyes, and if so, then I need to repent? Is your heart so hardened that you no longer feel Him or hear Him or able to detect what`s His will?

Search your heart and really think whether it`s worth going against the Almighty Utmost High because the truth is, it`s futile. He always wins, for our own sake.
 

Sin Causes Fear, Pride, and Disobedience to God

¹⁴ Then Zedekiah the king sent and had Jeremiah the prophet brought to him at the third entrance of the house of the LORD. And the king said to Jeremiah, “I will ask you something. Hide nothing from me.”
¹⁵ Jeremiah said to Zedekiah, “If I declare it to you, will you not surely put me to death? And if I give you advice, you will not listen to me.”
¹⁶ So Zedekiah the king swore secretly to Jeremiah, saying, “As the LORD lives, who made our very souls, I will not put you to death, nor will I give you into the hand of these men who seek your life.”
¹⁷ Then Jeremiah said to Zedekiah, “Thus says the LORD, the God of hosts, the God of Israel: ‘If you surely surrender to the king of Babylon’s princes, then your soul shall live; this city shall not be burned with fire, and you and your house shall live.
¹⁸ But if you do not surrender to the king of Babylon’s princes, then this city shall be given into the hand of the Chaldeans; they shall burn it with fire, and you shall not escape from their hand.’”
¹⁹ And Zedekiah the king said to Jeremiah, “I am afraid of the Jews who have defected to the Chaldeans, lest they deliver me into their hand, and they abuse me.”
²⁰ But Jeremiah said, “They shall not deliver you. Please, obey the voice of the LORD which I speak to you. So it shall be well with you, and your soul shall live. (Jeremiah 38:14-20)


It is a great lesson for us to see the example of sin in the life of the king Zedekiah and his reaction to the word of God that was prophesied through Jeremiah. God already told Zedekiah about the consequences of his sins that Babylonians are going to come and take over the nation. Zedekiah had no choice but to surrender to the greater nation in order to stay alive because God already spoke to him to let him know that the war against Babylonians is not going to succeed--it was God`s hand to send Israelites into captivity for all the sins they`ve been committing in front of the eyes of the Lord.


The interesting principles here are the following:

1. When we know we sin, we tend to flee and hide from the consequences. There are always consequences to the sin, and there is no way to hide from the eyes of the Lord even if we try to cover up for our actions.

2. Another interesting thing is when we sin, we harden our hearts because we know what we do is wrong. Satan uses our sins to keep us captive and tell us lies for the possible circumstances if we would attempt to straighten our ways.

For example, in the case of Zedekiah, satan was telling him that he shouldn`t trust to surrender because people of Judah would go against his decision to surrender to Babylonians, and he was afraid to die from the hand of his own people. Another fear that satan was telling him that it wasn`t true that God promised Zedekiah would survive the captivity by Babylonians.

How often does it happen when we sin that we hear these small voices in our head that tell us if you do the right thing, people would not understand or accept that, or they would judge it the wrong way. For example in my case, I knew I was sinning against God by rejecting Him and His will on my life and in my circumstances, but because I wanted God to deliver me from my problems my way, I couldn`t surrender to Him and to His will. It took Him almost three weeks to talk to me through the scriptures, daily devotions, and through the direct communication with me to let me know that it is either His way or no way. It doesn`t matter how long we refuse to obey His will, He would continue to pressure the circumstances around us until we surrender to Him. This is exactly what happened to Zedekiah-- he had to be pressured by the war and people as a consequence of his sins, but he still refused to repent and surrender to God for all of his sins.

3. The worst part of the sin is the change of our hearts and what happens to our behavior and actions when we sin. We get so blind that we reject the truth. Very close friend of mine, continues to harden his heart to the truth of God because it goes against of the things he likes to do regardless of how wrong it is in the eyes of the Lord. The consequences of the sin is pride, hardened heart, and blindness that binds us with satan`s chains. It is very said to see people being deterred from coming to God because they choose to be chained by satan`s lies. It is never better on his side because satan`s path only leads to death and hell and further destruction not only in our own life but also  to close people around us. 

If you feel like you are one of those people who cannot break the chains of satan, I can tell you that there is only one way to do that and that is by making a decision to surrender to God. There would be consequences one way or another because sin carries consequences, but God is merciful and it is better to fall into His hands than into the hands of people. 

2 Samuel 24:14

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁴ And David said to Gad, “I am in great distress. Please let us fall into the hand of the LORD, for His mercies are great; but do not let me fall into the hand of man.” ¹⁵ So the LORD sent a plague upon Israel from the morning till the appointed time. From Dan to Beersheba seventy thousand men of the people died. ¹⁶ And when the angel^[b] stretched out His hand over Jerusalem to destroy it, the LORD relented from the destruction, and said to the angel who was destroying the people, “It is enough; now restrain your hand.” And the angel of the LORD was by the threshing floor of Araunah^[c] the Jebusite. ¹⁷ Then David spoke to the LORD when he saw the angel who was striking the people, and said, “Surely I have sinned, and I have done wickedly; but these sheep, what have they done? Let Your hand, I pray, be against me and against my father’s house.”

David have sinned after he made a decision to record all the men of Israel to see how many strong people he had that could be used for wars, and that was a sin against God because God was the One meeting the needs whenever Israelites went to war with their enemies and provided them with the necessary resources, equipment, and the amount of people needed to win. David had a choice to select his punishment as a consequence of his sin, and he chose to fall into the hands of the Lord, for He is merciful. Note, that sin had effect on the people around David, for 70,000 men died; those were innocent people. Sin always has consequences in the lives of those who surround us--close family members, friends, work, etc. A lot of times it is the only way how we learn- is when we see how innocent people suffer due to our actions. It is said that we are such wicked people that it takes us to hurt others, because of our own selfishness, in order to see what we did was wrong. However, it is a great promise that we have from God to know that He is always on our side, but He also applies the rod, so we could learn from our mistakes and could return to the right path; the only narrow way is with Him and to follow His will.

Zedekiah never listened to God`s promise to spare his life and his household if he surrendered himself to Babylonians, and as a result the city was sieged by the Chaldeans, many died from famine, many were slain, and Zedekiah`s sons were slain in front of his eyes. That was the last thing he got to see with his eyes before Babylonians gauged his eyes out and took everyone who`s left captive to Babylon.

This is a great example of disobedience to God. God only desires everything for the better for us, and He is long patient and long suffering. He wants us to hearken to Him. Zedekiah was warned so many times, yet He chose not to hearken to God and obey His words.

Are we obedient to God in what He expects us to do, to live by? His ways are not our ways, and our disobedience produces great impact of sin in our lives and in the lives of those who are close to us. In my case, my entire family is being affected by the sin and disobedience to God. I choose to obey Him regardless of how hard it is and how humbling it is because I know that in the end, He wishes to bless me. I`ve been blessed in the last two months to know Him like never before. He is there for me and He strengthens me when I`m limping or when my hands weaken because only He can provide with that strength and support when we need it. He knows what we go through, He knows why, and He wants to provide us with everything necessary to conquer those trials, so we could come out stronger. All that is only possible through obedience to Him and through being close to Him.

What is This All About

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint (Isa 40:30-31).

As I think about the Lord, I see His majesty and greatness in everything that He does in my life. He raised me from the ashes. We cannot afford to be weary and weak, and this is why this blog was created– to help those who struggle to rely on God and keep focus on who He really is.

As Oswald Chambers said:

“God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be.”

If you are going through the struggles, you need to know that God has plans for the better only! He would never put you through something that you cannot handle. The most important thing is to seek Him. Do not rely on people because they are the same ashes as you an I are, but seek the Creator.

I am a prodigal daughter who returned to my Father for good; I am a wife, a mother, and I live for the Lord.

It wasn`t that long ago when I rejected God and became angry with Him for putting me through the worst nightmare any woman can go through, a marriage betrayal. As I became angry, bitter, and only desired to punished those who wronged me, I didn`t notice how I kept destroying my own life. I brought myself so low, that as I was retching on the floor in the bathroom all drunk, I realized that I have no right to be this selfish. There is no place for self-pity when you are a true christian, because you realize that everything you go through and live for is for your own benefit and for the glory of the Utmost High. He would never put me through something that would not be for my own benefit and for His glory. He loves me so much that He gave His own Son, Jesus for me.

When I woke up the next morning, I decided that something had to change, and I met with my pastor and his wife.

The hardest thing I ever heard that day was their advice: seek the Lord and His will first, and everything else would be added along the way. I had to go to the very beginning--start reading the Bible. I had to face forgiving my husband, and many other people that were/are involved.

He binds up our wounds. My Lord promised in Psalm 147:3:
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

This is the promise that I have from my Heavenly Father that regardless of how much others betray me or do me wrong, He is there for me to lift me up and "bind up my wounds". He already started doing that as I submitted to His will and asked for forgiveness being that prodigal daughter.

I surrendered my life over again to Him once and for all. He renews my strength every day, so I could mount up with wings like eagles not to be weak and weary of my every day trials and circumstances.

My Lord is faithful God, and He can do for you what He is already doing for me.
If you feel like there is no end to your struggles or to your trials, know this, that our Father gave up His own, sole Son, Jesus Christ, so you and I could be redeemed of our sins, transgressions, iniquities, sickness, hurt, and death.

If you feel like there is nothing left in your life and you understand that the only way out is through Him; He is there to restore you, to rebuild you, to save you. You can commit your life to God realizing that we only get saved through believing that Jesus died for our sins and rose again. If you believe that, you can pray with all your heart the following words:

Dear Heavenly Father, I realize that I`m a sinner and are not worthy to be called your son or daughter. I realized that I have sinned against You. I am asking You to come into my heart and forgive me all my sins that I`ve been committing in my life because I know that the only way forward is with You. I need Your grace, Your mercy, Your forgiveness, Your love, Your healing. Please take over my life and cleans me of all my iniquities. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

If you have prayed this simple prayer, I can only say this: Congratulations! You have the most gracious Father now, Who is for you, and Who would lead you and protect you.

Please make sure you find the church near where you live. I go to Calvary Chapel church. Here is the main link to find the closest location of their church to where you are.
http://calvarychapel.com/

May God bless you and keep you whenever you go! Amen