Peace Through The Storm

John 6:16-21 (NKJV)

¹⁶ Now when evening came, His disciples went down to the sea, 

¹⁷ got into the boat, and went over the sea toward Capernaum. And it was already dark, and Jesus had not come to them. 

¹⁸ Then the sea arose because a great wind was blowing. 

¹⁹ So when they had rowed about three or four miles,^[b]they saw Jesus walking on the sea and drawing near the boat; and they were afraid. 

²⁰ But He said to them, “It is I; do not be afraid.” 

²¹ Then they willingly received Him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land where they were going.

As I am going through this predicted monster storm Sandy on the East Coast, I continue to pray for the Lord to pour out his Holy Spirit on me afresh abundantly just like the rain keeps pouring now and the wind keeps howling.

A few important things the Lord has showed me about the necessity of the storm in one’s life is the need to renew strength. In the storm, the Lord pours out his strength afresh, His Holy Spirit afresh, and He gives peace because only assurance in His deliverance can provide one with peace surpassing understanding.

It is important to note that nobody likes storms because they bring uncertainty and even trivial things changing one’s life forever; nevertheless, they are important in our Spiritual growth and maturity. It is so many times that we ask God to take away trials and storms in our lives, but Jesus keeps testing our trust in Him. Just like He’s done to His disciples, He does that to all of His followers. This is the gage that He’s using to measure our level of growth.

Sometimes these storms serve as refreshment and sometimes as a trial to exercise hope, but in either case it requires faith, knowledge of the Lord personally, and belief that He is capable to deliver us and to provide the necessary strength to ride out any storm.

I think this is interesting the way Jesus` disciples never wanted to wait out the storm just for the heck of curiosity whether Jesus would save them or not if they were so afraid, but they always complained to the Lord that He either didn’t care about them or didn’t think of delivering them. In the Gospel of Matthew 8:24-27 (NKJV):

³ Now when He got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. ²⁴ And suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea, so that the boat was covered with the waves. But He was asleep. ²⁵ Then His disciples came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” ²⁶ But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.²⁷ So the men marveled, saying, “Who can this be, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

Jesus accused His disciples in having little faith; the storm they were riding out, while Jesus was sleeping without any hesitation, they failed. Disciples doubted that God had plans to deliver them, and they didn`t know Jesus personally to know that if He was at peace and sleeping, so they should have been at peace as well. We have to keep our eyes on Jesus to know the direction, the destination, and to have the personal revelation to keep moving.

The main points to remember when we are in the appointed storm:

- It is always for our benefit; God has a plan for my life and for your life, so whatever happens, whatever storm you are in whether that`s physical or emotional, or financial--it is for our benefit. Sometimes we don`t feel that way, like I don`t feel that way right now, but I trust the Lord anyway because I know He is faithful when I am faithless. 

- God uses the storms (physical and life situations/trials) to gage our faith level, so He knows the direction to take us for further growth. Tests produce patience, hope, and more faith (Romans 5:3-5). 

- God always stays in control regardless of the storm; regardless of the strength or uniqueness of the storm. If Jesus is at peace and can sleep while the water rises beyond the sea level and while the wind is howling, so we too should take the example knowing Jesus is with us. Who can be against us if He is for us? Nobody because God is still in control.

- We have to walk with the Lord to make sure that whatever storm comes our way it’s either to fill us afresh and to take us to the next faith level, or to correct and teach us something. For that we must walk with the Lord closely to understand His plans and know Him personally.

- God using storms for His warfare. Whenever I look at the weather conditions, I see God`s greatness and might. We know that our battle is not against the flesh and blood but against the spiritual principalities (Ephesians 6:12), and we also know that God has special storage rooms in His Kingdom that He`s storing for the spiritual battles. 

²² “Have you entered the treasury of snow,Or have you seen the treasury of hail, ²³ Which I have reserved for the time of trouble, For the day of battle and war? (Job 38:22-23 NKJV).

 This is so great to see this storm and realize that this is God`s battle and not mine to fight. If I know that this is God`s battle, than I have nothing to worry about, and my job is nothing else other than to pray. 

I don’t ever want to be in situation when I quench the Holy Spirit by asking Jesus to stop the storm, but I want for all that rain to feel me up afresh with His presence, with His strength, and with His direction. I don`t want Him to stop His warfare knowing that He is fighting for me.

I am currently waiting for one of the worst storms to hit the Eastern Coast, and that storm was announced right after my hearing last Friday. God doesn’t have coincidences, and He doesn’t take chances. God has a plan for everything, and although I don’t know what kind of trial this brings to others, I know that this storm brings a test for my faith to trust the Lord can protect my daughter who is currently with my husband, and I have no control over what may happen to them. I can only continue to pray for God’s protection on their lives.

I just finished listening one of the strong and helpful sermons by Jon Courson (one of the very good Bible teachers that I like). I placed the You Tube link below for those who would like to watch it. It’s called Part 5 "The Issue of Suffering and Pain".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7JsUGvvbug&feature=related

He brought up a very important aspect of pain and suffering, and that’s: sympathy over Godly peace. I knew it so well, but I just never knew how to react to such statements like: “I’m so sorry this happened, etc.” God knows why whatever happened and the goal is to make me stronger in the Lord. The goal is to take me to the next level, so I could withstand this storm and move on bringing glory to His name.

You see, we are in no position to question the Creator, so the best we can do is accept and know that He knows better. Only now, a week later, I can see the reason why certain things went the way they did at my final hearing, and I can now see what is the potential benefit God had in mind when He allowed certain things to happen. He knows better than me, and I have to trust Him to see me through this storm: not just the current physical Sandy storm, but my circumstances.

My wind keeps howling, and the waves keep thrashing against the rocks producing the deadly painful emotional wounds, but I say to the Lord: bring it on, and please don’t stop the storm; please teach me what you have in plans to teach me through this; please fill me afresh with your Holy Spirit, so I could come out as a winner in Christ rather than a defeated beat down outcast.

The world would never understand why certain things happen, and they may even accuse us in carrying some kind of a punishment as a result of what one may have done, but that’s not God’s character. God’s character is not to beat us down and to punish us with every potential blow He can produce from our circumstances, but His character is to make us stronger, so we could become better equipped to serve Him.

I like how Jon Courson said that you cannot have peace beyond the understanding and sympathy at the same time because God is bigger than sympathy. When we accept sympathy we accept that God has failed us, and He would never fail those who trust in Him. This was a huge consolation for me to hear as a reminder. I heard so many times people just pitying me, but I don’t want that. I don’t want another pity party; I want to have God’s peace that although I may walk through the valley of death, His rod comforts me and He is going to lead me out on the other side of the green one day.

I don’t know what this storm Sandy would produce as a result, but I pray for the major shift in my circumstances, that whatever happens God turns only for His glory. Please note, that in both instances of the storms that the disciples withstood, Jesus was with them both times. That’s all I need to know: that Jesus is with me through this storm because He will deliver me like He’s done it to His disciples.

Jesus is capable to bring the “quiet in the sea”, but that would mean you would be stalled in the current level. If you will not allow Him to ride out the storm especially knowing that He is with you, you would never find out what awaits you on the other side of the shore. Note, that as soon as Jesus got in the boat, they arrived on the shore. That’s our Deliverer, our Savior- Jesus, Who always takes us to the right destination when we allow Him to do that.

I urge you today not to reject the storms but to look at them as the opportunity for the Lord to fill you up afresh with the Holy Spirit and to take you to the next level of Spiritual maturity. Adventures could be scary, could be fun, but when we know that the Lord is with us, what can we be afraid of? May God bless you and give you peace beyond your understanding, like He did that to me.

Quenching The Fiery Darts Of The Wicked One

Ephesians 6:10-17 (NKJV):

¹⁰ Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,^[c] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

¹⁴ Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness,

¹⁵ and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

¹⁶ above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

¹⁷ And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;

When in doubt, go back to the Word of God and search it out. As I am searching the Lord and a way how to continue accepting my current circumstances, I have more and more fiery darts being fired at me. I was thinking about the scriptures today and which scripture to cling to and to apply for my current state. God is always faithful to show us a way when we truly seek Him, and He pointed me to this scripture in Ephesians 6 reminding me about the Armor that I have to put on. Apparently while being exhausted with all these tests and trials, I took off some pieces of the armor and made myself vulnerable.

I was reminded again that my battle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the wiles of the devil. I am not fighting humans, but spiritual battle, and I must have my armor on for that. When going through each of the pieces of the armor, I noticed the very important placement for the Faith- shield with which I am able to quench the fiery darts of the wicked one.

Wow, thank you, Lord, for being so faithful and for showing me the direction once again! I`d like to direct your emphasis on the scripture on the verse 16 which states that “Above all”,a.k.a. most importantly, taking the shield of faith; this is our most important piece of armor. Without faith we cannot please God, and we cannot allow Him room to move.

How can I protect myself against the wiles of the devil and all the fiery darts? It`s by shielding myself with my faith and trust in the Lord knowing that only He can deliver me. He is not finished with my battle yet. He is still fighting for me, but I have to ensure I have all the armor on especially now.

There are many fiery darts being fired against me right now, and I started to falter from being so exhausted. This is why God had to direct me to the crucial information and remind me that I cannot concentrate on my feelings against the people because they would prevent me from interceding and fighting spiritual battle, but I have to concentrate on shielding myself with Faith that God would guide me and protect me.

My circumstances cry out against my faith and hope in the Lord, but this is why the definition of the Faith is: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV).

Again, we do not walk by sight, but by faith, and that means that although I see all these attacks of the devil being fired at me, and I am being laughed at, but this will not last forever. God`s word would prevail against all these wiles, but I have to hope for things I`m praying about, and disregard the actual current facts because they are not final! My current actual facts state that my husband got everything, and I got nothing, but God is not finished yet.

There is a good reason why God made sure we know that above all we must have a shield of faith, and the fact that we shield ourselves with faith and not with the sword or any other piece of armor. In order to make that “shield” effective and strong against the fiery darts, it has to be made from the substantial enduring material that could withstand those fiery darts and wiles of the devil. The only way how I can make sure the material is strong enough is through my faithful walk with the Lord and trusting His word being true and faithful. I have to pick up my sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, and get back on the battle field!

Understanding The Lord

Psalm 84:5-7 (NIV)

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.^[d]
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.

God is only as big as you will allow Him to be. Disbelief limits the work of the Lord and prevents Him from blessing you. These are the things I had to remind myself of today as I keep processing everything that happened on Friday in court. I don`t want to limit the Lord only because I didn`t see the vivid shift in may favor. When Jesus went to the court, He was convicted although He was innocent, and although it looked like a complete failure from the human`s perspective, God had a different plan. God`s plan involved complete triumph regardless of how the facts looked at that moment.

As believers we have a command from the Lord to walk by faith and not by sight, and there is nothing else that needs to be added to that. It truly summons everything that I said above: We make God as big as we allow Him to be. If we look at the circumstances and believe that the Lord is a failure just like us, than that`s what we are going to get. If we believe that regardless of the condition of the circumstances, the Lord is capable and Mighty to deliver us even if the circumstances tell us the opposite, than He will be faithful to do just that! This is all I can stand on right now. I cannot please the Lord without faith!

One of the scriptures the Lord showed me right before the hearing last week was Psalm 84. This is the ultimate test for me: Would I prefer to spend one day in His courts rather than a thousand years in the tents of wickedness even if the couse was to loose everything I hoped for?”

¹⁰ For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God Than dwell in the tents of wickedness (Psalm 84:10 NKJV).

Would I choose to backslide and blame God for the horrible outcome in the court, or would I stand on His word and continue believing that the last word is after Him, and He hasn`t completed what He started yet.

I know many of you have been waiting impatiently for the results of my hearing, but they are not what a typical “Hollywood” outcome that could have been predicted. When I was fasting and praying for direction for the things to ask from the Lord in the upcoming hearing, I realized that there is nothing that I should be asking for myself because it would be selfish and unproductive for the prospect plan of the Lord. So, I decided to pray that the Lord would use that hearing and the outcome of the hearing not for the things that I wished had happened, but for whatever necessary outcome that could produce the change in my husband`s heart. The truth is, if I asked just for custody for myself and the house, and the refund of the legal fees, and the whole nine yards, I would have contradicted the goal of what I was praying for all this time, which is a restoration of my family, so the Lord could rebuild it on His word and truth. That could only happen if God could change my heart and my husband`s heart. He`s done a mighty work with me in the last couple of years, but my husband continues to resist God and change, so there was no reason for me to pray for the things for myself if I truly believed in God`s capabilities to save and realign my marriage on His word. I would tell you even more, the closer I got to the day, the more I realized that I would potentially lose everything rather than gaining anything.

There was no massive change that took place on Friday as an outcome other than confirming that custody is shared and the decision is for good. My husband got the use and possession of the house, which I gave up for him since I didn`t want to go back there, and I had to drop the request for legal separation. As of right now, I am married, leaving separate from my husband, and our daughter is split between the two houses. This is it. I am stuck with enormous amount of debt that I would have to repay for my legal fees and the last couple of bills for my attorney, ongoing current bills that are higher than what I can afford to pay, and all this my God knows. All these facts look like a complete failure, but it`s up to me whether I would give in to temptation and take the initiative into my hands trying to resolve everything myself, or whether I would trust the Lord to be Big and Mighty to save me from a complete bankruptcy which is what I face right now.

Only God knows what`s going on in my husband`s heart, and only He knows what`s necessary to change my circumstances. The bottom line is, it`s up to me, whether I would trust God and choose to be a “doorkeeper in the house of my God,” or whether I would go back to living in the “tents of the wickedness.” We always have that choice to make, and I choose the Lord. I choose to say that He is not finished yet, and He is going to complete what He started in His own due time.

I am drained and weary, but that`s not a crime. Elijah was drained and weary when he lied down and gave up on his work. He thought of himself as nothing better than his ancestors, and this is how I feel too. I would be lying if I said I know everything I must do because I don`t. I feel just like Elijah-- to lay down under the “broom bush: and never wake up again, but God has a different plan for me just like He had a different plan for Elijah.

³ Elijah was afraid^[a] and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there,⁴ while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”⁵ Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” ⁶ He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. ⁷ The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” ⁸ So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. ⁹ There he went into a cave and spent the night (1 Kings 19:3-9 NIV).

I was afraid just like Elijah was afraid for his life. I was afraid for loosing custody over my daughter when I went to the court because of the attitude the judge displayed. She didn`t feel like listening to my case, so she warned if we didn`t settle for what was already in place, she would make sure she would make a decision against what I fought for. If God was able to strengthen Elijah, I know He can strengthen me and direct me for the next assignment. God fed Elijah to nourish his body knowing that he had to make a lengthy trip by foot to mount Horeb; that was a 40 day trip by foot. When Elijah reached the destination, he questioned God about his next assignment, and God was able to direct him from there.

I am in dire need of God`s "nourishment" because I am drained and tired from these constant spiritual battles, but I still choose to trust the Lord. Who am I to question the Lord?

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. ¹⁰ As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, ¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:8-11 NIV).

God`s word doesn`t return in vain until it completes what He intends it to complete, so there is no place for me to question God`s timeline. My thoughts are not like His, and His ways are higher than mine, so again, I have no right to question what He intends to do to shift my circumstances.

Looking back at Joseph`s story, we know that He had two main tests: he went from bad to worse. He first was sold into slavery by his brothers, underwent a horrible trip to Egypt by foot, being a slave, than from working hard as a slave, he was unjustly accused by Potiphar`s wife who wanted to sleep with Joseph, and he ran away from her, so he didn`t sin against God. As a result, he was sent to jail for many years. Joseph went from bad (being sold into slavery) to worse (being sent to jail), and through all that God`s hand was with him even though the outcome didn`t seem fair to the humans. God`s ways are higher than ours.

My pain is great, my faith is weak, and my strength is gone, but my God is Mighty to cover it all! This is a new chapter in my life that`s called: Living One Day In His Courts Rather Than Thousand Years in the Tents of Wickedness. I choose God, for the better or for worse!

“Many Are Called, But Few Chosen”

Matthew 20:8-16 (NKJV):

⁸ “So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, ‘Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first.’

⁹ And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius.

¹⁰ But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius.

¹¹ And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner,

¹² saying, ‘These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.’

 ¹³ But he answered one of them and said, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius?

¹⁴ Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you.

¹⁵ Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?’

 ¹⁶ So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen.”

This is always such a privilege when God shows me the scriptures and opens them up in a special way; I really feel honored and blessed when God does that with me. Holy Spirit showed me this parable of the laborers in the vineyard awhile back from a different perspective, and it could be found in my article “When Doubts Creep In”, but today He showed it to me from a different angle again. This is why I love so much the Word of God: it is alive and speaks to our hearts when we seek to know the Lord personally.

Since I continue to ponder on my desire to see the precious out of the vile and pray about all my situations in that way (Jeremiah 15:19), God showed me this parable to remind that there are many called, but few chosen. It has nothing to do with some of us being born under a “lucky star”, but it has to do with the motivations of our hearts. Throughout Jesus` teachings, we can clearly see the way He tried to direct human`s understanding that the life itself is no gain if the heart is lost to the world. The ultimate meaning of the life is gone if one doesn`t live for the Lord. It all comes down to this:

²⁴ Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. ²⁵ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. ²⁶ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? ²⁷ For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works (Matthew 16:24-27 NKJV).

What`s the point in one`s life if it`s not for the Lord because in the end it would be lost? That`s why there are many who are called, but few chosen because although God calls everyone to follow Him, but only few choose to actually follow through with that.

So I`d like to share the reasons as to why many are called, but few chosen from what God showed me in this parable of the vineyard laborers in Matthew 20:

First of all, the wages that Jesus refers to in this parable is His grace, mercy, and justification before our Heavenly Father. We are all given the same wage of Jesus` blood that He shed on the cross when He offered Himself in a sacrifice for humanity, so we could claim that payment and labor for our Father. But in the end, we all receive the same wages of His love and grace.

Therefore, if we labor for our Father knowingly that we were saved and bought by the steep price of the precious blood of Jesus, than we ought to work with full recognition and realization that we don`t deserve anything ourselves, but everything we own belongs to the Father. If we give our hearts to the Lord truly, than we ought to produce the vivid fruit of our spiritual growth and maturity for the others to see God`s work in our lives and through us.

This is precisely what these laborers didn`t have, and there are so many people who claim to be “saved”, when in reality they only care about the wages and not about the work itself that they perform for the Lord. For some reason, we think that we are entitled to some honor and glory if we serve the Lord, when we already received our wages when we accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior. If that`s really the case, than we shouldn`t worry about who gets paid first and who gets paid last; or who gets paid the same wage as us even though we worked longer years for the Lord.

It all comes down to what`s in your heart? What`s the real motivation in your life, in your service to the Lord? Do you help in Sunday school, and you expect to see public reward and recognition for the work that you perform, or do you do that diligently and quietly without the desire to be noticed?

Another important point God showed me today was His encouragement to those who get saved recently compared to those who`s been saved for longer years. God rewards those who are “babes in Christ” when serving Him to encourage them to continue to do the work. For those who`ve been serving the Lord longer, the expectations are higher because God expects us to produce fruits of the repentance bringing spiritual maturity. Spiritual maturity should not care whether you are first or last, but it should only care whether your life is pleasing to the Lord and what you`re doing is pleasing to the Lord.

Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. ² I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. ³ You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?(1 Corinthians 3:1-3 NIV)

Paul distinguishes here between those who got recently saved (infants in Christ) who still have some worldly perspectives that haven`t been changed through the spiritual walk with the Lord, and between those who “live by the Spirit”, who are mature in the Lord and have a tried faith that produces fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

Sometimes when one gets saved, the person would get quick prayer response from the Lord as an encouragement, but those who are mature in Christ, they face tougher trials which serve the purpose of their further spiritual growth. When we don`t respond to those trials in the appropriate manner, it serves the purpose for the Lord of discern the levels of our growth, but it also serves to discern those who are real and genuine in Christ and those who have false motivations.

Spiritual maturity should be producing obvious fruits where things like murmuring and envy should be eliminated through the authentic change of heart. The laborers started murmuring and had envy in their hearts because the wages were the same across the board, and they felt entitled to more money compare to those who worked less time than them (verses 11-12).

This translates directly into our personal relationships with the Lord and how well do we know Him face to face? Personal relationships one way or another always produce spiritual maturity and growth in faith. I changed my perception about many things throughout my life through my personal relationships with the Lord, so I can now say that I count it all as loss just like Paul testifies in Philippians 3:8 (NLJV):

⁸ Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

This is why there are only few chosen, because not everybody chooses to count it all as loss and follow Jesus by giving up everything else even if it cost them lives. How much are you willing to give up for the Lord? That will define whether you are chosen for the Lord or not because in the end He will distinguish between those who are called (since everyone is called), and those who are chosen. It all begins with the heart.

Lastly, the Lord always tests the substance of our hearts to discern between those who are true and those who fake. I believe when Jesus told this parable of the laborers, He meant to get across the point that when we labor for the Father, we wouldn`t care whether we are first or last, whether we got paid at all and saw the public recognition.

One of the reasons why I keep this blog anonymous is because I want all the glory to go to God, and only to God. I don`t want any public recognition. If reading my testimonies and articles, get you thinking about the Lord and make you research His word, than I am blessed to know that God is using me to serve Him. I don`t care about the wages. I only care that He is using me for His glory.

Where is your heart today? What`s more important, where is your growth today if you claim to be a believer? What`s the point living a life that in the end would be lost to this world? I`ve had it all, but I chose to lose it, so I could gain the ultimate life with the Lord; my greatest reward is my inheritance in Heaven with my Father. I want to be a chosen one and not just among those who are called. Like Paul wrote to Timothy in one of his epistles:

²⁰ But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. ²¹ Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work (2 Timothy 20-21 NKJV).

I want to be that vessel in honor that God would use for much work. There is no greater joy than seeing His hand opening scriptures to me and showing me the treasures of His heart to me. I share everything I have with Him, and He does the same in return with me. That`s a love relationship that could only be possible through the true surrender to Jesus.

I challenge you today to examine your heart and search out what is it that you are living for? Is it more money, better career, larger house, fancier car, longer vacation, luxurious travel? Whatever it is that you esteem higher than picking up the cross and following Jesus would not be worth it in the end because it would waste your life away. My life now is a lot more rewarding, despite the trials, because God`s hand is so close on me and so protective, that I wonder sometimes if there is anything bigger than the love I already experience from the Lord. I can truly say that His hand guides me and protects me, and no harm comes near me despite the Satan’s attempts to bring me down. I encourage you to seek the Lord and His will first, so He could use you and choose you to manifest His glory.

Assigning Blame; What`s The Point?

Matthew 5:7-12 (NKJV):

⁷ Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

¹² Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

The more I think about my life and the circumstances, the more I realize that it`s futile to try assigning blame to someone or something to justify yourself to be right or to justify your own injustice. I realized that my whole life came to this: “I will follow You, Lord, whenever you go; I am Yours”. I always have these words in my heart from the children`s book that I read to my daughter; it`s called “Hermie” by Max Lucado. Little caterpillar Hermie keeps asking God why did He make an ant so strong, the lady bug so pretty, and a snail with such a cozy house, yet Hermie himself felt like nothing special. God`s answer was kind to Hermie every single time, and He would answer him: “Wait, Hermie, I`m not finished with you yet; I`m giving you heart like Mine”. My whole life came exactly to this point when the Lord would tell me: “Wait, I`m giving you a heart like Mine”. A heart like His is very expensive and comes at a very steep price: sometimes it comes at a price of one`s life, one`s child, one`s family, one`s spouse, but in the end, God rewards those who persevere and hold on to His promise.

My price included my spouse, my daughter, my family, almost my freedom, and my life. I surrendered it all to God, so in return He could give me a heart like His. A heart that cares about people, a heart that`s gentle and kind, a heart that`s loving, a heart that`s forgiving, a heart that sacrifices everything and never doubts. My God had to teach me all these things through the trials that I am going through.

I realized that it would be prideful and disobedient of me to say that I don`t deserve all that I`m going through (although I`ve sad that in the past, right after I discovered betrayal by my husband. I sad that I didn`t deserve that). Jesus didn`t deserve to be crucified for us, Paul didn`t deserve to be decapitated, Peter didn`t deserve to be crucified upside down. It`s childish and foolish to try assigning blame to somebody who caused me pain because majority of my misery stemmed from my husband`s betrayal. But if I didn`t have that, I could never see the other side of the pained heart. I could never understand the heartaches of other people. I could never learn to forgive. I could never learn to die to myself, so God`s love and sacrifice could be manifested through my life. I could never be that light to the world.

I think we spend so much time thinking about all the wrong that was done to us, simply because it helps us to justify a self-pity mode and get depressed. I`m not saying to be compassionate or to empathize with others is wrong, but I`m saying that the motive of assigning blame is really- pride. It comes down to me admitting to myself and to others that I am not any better than anybody else, and I don`t deserve any forgiveness and mercy, yet Jesus didn`t give up on me, but He persevered to save me by using all these messy circumstances. If He did that with me, than how is anybody else any worse or better than me?

It all comes down to realizing that we have to look at our circumstances as a bigger picture: as something of a greater destination assigned by God for each one of us. How could I ever come of age and mature in my faith if I haven`t had these trials? Only God knows the true substance of my heart and what could break all these calluses, so it`s irrelevant and inappropriate of me to question: “Why? Or claim that I don`t “deserve” this.”

I keep going through the Gospel of Matthew 5, and every time I read the characteristics of the truly godly person, I realize that none of these characteristics could be obtained if it wouldn`t be for trials and hardships. What`s the point of me blaming my husband and telling everybody of all these miserable experiences if the purpose of them was appointed by God to change my heart? By my act of complaining and assigning blame for betrayal, I refuse to accept the ultimate purpose of God for my life, which is to Give Me a Heart Like His!

As I approach my final hearing, which is exactly in 2 weeks from today, I realize that whatever happens would be from God. I cannot change what He has in store for me because He knows what`s better for me. I am willing to pay that steep price to see His glory because I know this is the ultimate reason why He preserved my life. I have faced death 4 times besides other hardships, and every single time He delivered me, so I have no other reason to live other than for Him and for my family. I want to see His mighty power manifested in my life to praise His name.

How about you? Do you have somebody whom you haven’t forgiven? This is the toughest thing to acknowledge for me and to say that the betrayal that I survive by my husband has only changed my heart for God and made me surrender and cleave to the Lord all the more. It all comes down for me to seek to see things through God`s eyes; just like He reminded Jeremiah in chapter 15:19-21 (NKJV):

¹⁹Therefore thus says the Lord: “If you return, Then I will bring you back; You shall stand before Me; If you take out the precious from the vile, You shall be as My mouth. Let them return to you, But you must not return to them. ²⁰ And I will make you to this people a fortified bronze wall; And they will fight against you, But they shall not prevail against you; For I am with you to save you And deliver you,” says the Lord.²¹ “I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked, And I will redeem you from the grip of the terrible.”

If only I learn to extract the precious from the vile, than He would speak to me and will find me to use for His glory. This is the toughest thing to accept and to learn for us to do because as human beings we tend to put ourselves ahead of everybody else, and this is exactly the opposite of what God commands us to do. The only way how I could extract the precious out of my vile circumstances is by acknowledging and admitting that it was God`s hand on everything that I go through in order to teach me to love the unlovable, to forgive the unforgiving, to care for those who defile and trample me and my reputation, and to serve to those who don`t “deserve” it in my eyes. God didn’t orchestrate my circumstances Himself, but me and my husband did. As humans, we made mistakes because we locked God in the special “pockets”, and we only allowed Him to come out whenever we needed something from Him. God was more like a Jinni to us rather than a Live Savior. As a result, we did things that were soulish and unwise because God`s word wasn`t part of it. God in return, took all these mistakes and circumstances and is working with them to change our hearts.

Today I can say from the bottom of my heart that if it wouldn`t be for my hardships, I couldn`t have matured in faith and come of age; I couldn`t have admitted all the testimonies that God gives me every day. That`s why I thank my Lord for leading me through these trials and for being my strength!

I would challenge you today to look at your life and to question the reason for your life and for your circumstances. Any success, accomplishment, achievement in life only takes us so far, and after that there is still that abyss of unsatisfaction because our ultimate purpose for creation was to praise and glorify the Lord. Only when we live out our initial and most important purpose in life, do we get full satisfaction with ourselves. That`s why I challenge you to seek out the Lord and to question Him for your goals, so He could direct your paths to where He purposed you to go.