Pride or Humility

Psalm 51:16-17 (NKJV)

¹⁶ For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart—These, O God, You will not despise.

Isaiah 66:1-2 (NKJV)

¹ Thus says the Lord: “Heaven is My throne, and earth is My footstool. Where is the house that you will build Me? And where is the place of My rest?
² For all those things My hand has made, And all those things exist,” Says the Lord. “But on this one will I look: On him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, And who trembles at My word.

Matthew 5:5-6 (NKJV)

⁵ Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.

God`s desire for us to have a broken spirit, contrite heart, hunger to know His scripture, to know Him personally, and to humble ourselves as much as we can. Once we get to that state, we see a different level of faith springing up. The main thing I`ve come to realize through all the trials is that everything I have is only by the grace of God, and if He doesn`t bless, the wilderness is my only prospect. I don`t want wilderness, I want green pastures that testify of His love and abundance in my life, so I choose to cleave to Him and to seek His face even when I don`t understand something or am drained as I am now.

I thank God for all the encouragement, prayers, and support that I get through the quiet time, sermons, and everybody who is praying for me. Although I had a few tests in the past month, which I must testify I passed, I must admit I struggled to obey the Lord at first. God was faithful to reward me and to answer some of my urgent prayer needs as a result of my obedience and desire to please Him.

I will encourage you if you have some outrageous requests that God is testing you to do, to not hesitate in your obedience to the Lord. I can testify to you that He is faithful to provide for you when you make that step of obedience to His word. Just like God provided Abraham with an alternative sacrifice when he obeyed to bring Isaac into sacrifice (as an act of obedience to God`s request); God provided for me the same way confirming to me that He is a Jehovah Jereh (Genesis 22-23). He has been disclosing His character to me through the personal knowledge of His names: Jehovah El-Roy (God who sees everything); Jehovah Jereh (God who provides a way where there is no way). I treasure those moments because I experience the Lord as close as never before, and I come to realize more and more that the rest is all vanity.  

Shortly after I passed a few tests and was blessed, the pressure became so tremendous that I found myself parched and spiritually drained. Once again, I had to come to the Lord and surrender all my desires in exchange for His will, so I could continue to walk in His way. My husband went on vacation with his friends, and it`s painful to realize that he continues to live for himself, but I was blessed that my daughter stayed with me for almost a full month as a result of that, so this is just another example of how God turns everything for the better to those who love Him.

Yesterday, I was reminded once again through the Sunday sermon in my church that God doesn`t choose the mighty or known, or prosperous people, but He chooses the unwanted. My pastor used the example of John the Baptist`s birth and the birth of Jesus as a contrast. John the Baptist was born with the great celebration in the family where family members from all over the country came to rejoice in the birth of John with Zachariah and Elizabeth. Yet, when Jesus was born, there was nobody in the stall (Jesus wasn`t even born in the house, but in the animal barn) other than Joseph and Mary with farm animals. God chose the unworthy, the unwanted from the town of Nazareth, so He could bring to this world His Son-our Savior (John 1:45-46). He chose the unworthy, the unwanted, so He could glorify Himself and to show that He loves the meek and the lowly in heart (birth of John and Jesus described in contrast in Luke 1-2 the best). This is how I feel myself- unwanted and unworthy. I come to realize that I am nothing without Him in my life. I am not as great as Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, or Daniel. I don`t have as much guts and faith as they had, and I am not worthy to be called His daughter, yet He is merciful enough to stretch out His hand and lead me, to guide me, to guard me and to sustain me. There is absolutely nothing that I can do on my own or of myself that would be rewarding and satisfying enough for me.

I think we can only come to that realization when we take to heart the scriptures above. Again, I think it`s important that God`s character and scriptures do not contradict each other in both Old and New Testaments as we see that in Psalm, in Isaiah, in Proverbs, in Matthew and other scriptures God shows us the same message- that He blesses the meek and lowly in heart. He is consistent in His word when He shows us that He is pleased with the humble, yet He rejects the proud. Contrite heart is the ultimate blessing for His sacrifice that we can bring to His feet because He is only interested in our hearts.

I have so much pressure because I face layoffs, because of the upcoming custody hearing, because of the financial shortage, because of all the loans that I have to pay for my school and for legal fees, but in all that I must once again trust the Lord would provide for me like He`s been doing every day.

I think it`s important what James 4:7-10 (NKJV) said:

⁶ But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”^{[c] 7} Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

It`s an extremely tough thing to do- humbling yourself and submitting  to the Lord even when you think you are right in your own eyes. Because then you are left off thinking what if God would want me to do this or that, and I don`t want to do that or think it`s “fair” of Him to ask me of that. I think these kinds of thoughts only prevent God from using us, and I must confess that I had to work through them myself. It was very tough to get to the place where I submitted it all to God and said I would do whatever it takes to glorify You regardless of how foolish or “unfair: it may seem to me.

I urge you to think of your life and of the motivations that you have in your heart because if they don`t coincide with God`s desire to see a broken and humble heart, He would not be able to use you. Until you get to that state, you are limiting God because the ultimate goal of our creation was to bring all the glory to Him and not to you. This is completely contradictory to what the world dictates us today. I personally want to decrease, so He could increase all the more (John 3:30). I don`t ever want to forget that God resists the proud but gives blessings to the humble. I`d rather be the last and wait for my turn, regardless of how exhausted I may get, rather than boast and attempt to exhault myself with my own pride and deeds.

God`s Exchange Rate

Matthew 25:14-25 (NKJV)

¹⁴“Forthe kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, whocalled his own servants and delivered his goods to them. ¹⁵ And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability; and immediately he went on a journey.¹⁶ Then he who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and made another five talents. ¹⁷ And likewise he who had received two gained two more also.¹⁸ But he who had received one went and dug in the ground, and hid his lord’s money. ¹⁹ After a long time the lord of those servants came and settled accounts with them.

²⁰“So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying,‘Lord, you delivered to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.’²¹ His lord said to him, ‘Well done,good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ ²² He also who had received two talents came and said, ‘Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’ ²³ His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’

²⁴“Then he who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed.²⁵ And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what isyours.’

²⁶“But his lord answered and said to him, ‘You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. ²⁷ So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. ²⁸ Therefore take the talent from him, and give itto him who has ten talents.

²⁹‘For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. ³⁰ And cast the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

There are important points here to understand:

1. God loves us, and He yearns to entrust us His kingdom; He wants us to inherent it in due time.

2. God entrusts us according to our abilities, and He knows are abilities, capabilities, and limitations all based on each of our spiritual levels of knowing Him personally.

3. He expects us to multiply all those entrusted blessings for His glory because our whole purpose of creation was to bring glory to Him.

4. There are consequences for those who are ignorant, lazy, and selfish of His entrusted talents and blessings. When we act that way we become useless to God, and He throws us away after giving us the ample chance to repent.

One of the vivid descriptions that God showed me was a bottle of change that most of us like to collect at home. Whenever we have any spare change, we tend to lump it into some kind of a bottle in the house, so it doesn`t bother our pockets/wallets, and that way serves as an additional earning that`s collected for some fun activities (vacation, some purchases, or perhaps even unplanned expenses).

That change has different order of coins: some are pennies, some are nickels, some are dimes, and some are quarters, but they all are coins that don`t have the ability to buy much on its own, and they don`t represent that great of a value to us.

The following descriptions God showed me that serve as an exchange rate in His economy:

- Each time we drop those coins into the bottle, it represents accumulated set of circumstances or feelings that remind us of the purchases made with money that brought those coins of change into our pockets.

For example, I got sick, and I went to the pharmacy to buy medication, but the change from the paid medicine, I lumped into my pocket or wallet, and I let it sit there to accumulate with other change. That change also reminded me of the feelings I had that day when I got sick (maybe I had a poison ivy and was itching making myself miserable; it made me restless and angry), so those coins of change served me as a reminder of the things happened that day.

Another example, it could be a purchase I made for the emergency as a result of unpredicted horrific circumstances, and the change of those coins reminded me of that day when something bad happened that prompted me to buy certain items. These same circumstances brought over a wave of feelings: resentment, unforgiveness, madness, sickness, anger, bitterness, etc.

When we drop these coins into the bottle, it`s like our heart that collects and accumulates all those feelings (change from the survived circumstances), and we bottle them down, just like we do with this change in the bottle. We just pour all those coins into the bottle and let it sit there until one day we decide to buy something or do something with those coins.

When we look at those coins sometimes they remind us of those events and remind us of all those bottled down feelings that we stored. God showed me that He wants to exchange those coins that we collect in our hearts: anger, resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness, you can feel in the blank; God wants to exchange them for bank notes of His love and talents. He would entrust to each one of us certain knowledge and responsibility to turn them around for His profit in order to bring Him glory.

 Just like God did with the servants in the parable described by Jesus in Matthew above, He wants to entrust us His talents to bring profit of His glory. Some of us collected enough change to exchange them for the bank notes of 5 talents, and some of us only collected enough to exchange for 2 talents, and some of us collected enough to exchange for only 1 talent. The more change we collected, the more we value His forgiveness and His love, so we qualify for more talents.

Jesus said in Luke 7:47 (NKJV):

 ⁴⁷ Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”

That`s our human nature: when we make costly mistakes, we appreciate it all the more when they are forgiven to us, and they in turn make us more compassionate to others when we see somebody making mistakes especially when they hurt us. We multiply for profit more talents that way because we learn to forgive the unforgiveable, we learn to love the unlovable, we learn to be patient with those who are impatient, we are merciful to those who don`t deserve it in our eyes because God is merciful to us, we learn to cherish and appreciate little things when before we took them for granted. All that we learn when we experience God`s love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness in our hearts; we experience that when He takes all those coins that were bottled down of rampant, vile, resentful heart, and replaces them with currency of His powerful redeeming love.

Another description for those coin holders God showed me as a description for our heart`s soil. Some of us choose those coin jars to be made from glass, so we can see all the coins that are inside and the level of the bottle when they fill up the bottle.

Some of us prefer to have enclosed bottle made from clay that`s invisible from the outside, and in a way it`s like a surprise to us when we don`t know how much change we`ve collected over the period of time, so when we pour out all the accumulated change, we are “pleasantly” surprised how much money we have stored that could be used for purchases.

Some of us like to use a metal bottle/jar that we use to store those coins, and we like to hear different noises that the coins make when we swish them around inside the jar to hear the level of them in the bottle. Each coin is made from different metal material, so each kind of metal makes its own unique sound, and in combination with the metal jar, it sounds distinct to our ears.

Some of us like to use old style piggy that`s completely enclosed, and most of the time requires breaking of the holder piglet in order to access the coins, and we can also apply the swishing effect to hear the level when it fills up the holder or when we lift it up and feel how heavy the piglet has gotten.

God showed me that each one of these types of jars represent the type of a soil in one`s heart. Some of us are transparent just like a glass jar, and that makes it easier for God to touch one`s heart and change it.

Some of us are very secretive and enclosed, so one`s heart could be like a clay jar that needs breaking in order to get to the essence of the inside jar. In order for God to get to those coins and exchange them for His talents, He needs to break a clay jar which could require some hardship circumstances in one`s life that would penetrate one`s heart and bring brokenness and repentance.   

Some of us are as harsh as metal jar; we make a lot of noise when hardships hit us, yet we remain unyielding as metal unless it`s content taken and refined through the fiery furnace. Only then, one`s heart could be softened and molded into the right content of God`s acceptance. Only then, God could take all the contents of those coins along with the metal jar and mold it altogether in order to exchange them for His currency of talents.

And then there are some of us are like those piglet storages that we use to collect coins. Those could only be accessed through breaking of the outer shell. Those piglets could get really heavy because of the material they are made of, and because people who own them, they tend to hoard the contents of the coins for their entire life span sometimes before they break them and get the funds out. Those people who hoard the collected coins the longest, they are the toughest people to get through in their hearts.  The coins represent some kind of a treasure to them; they continually live in the past and dwell on their faded “glory” or accumulated anger from some kind of “unjustified” event. God knows that the only way to access the contents of that heart when it reaches that kind of unreachable yet vulnerable attitude is by putting one through some afflictions that would break the outer shell and give access to God with those coins. It could be that the idol of the past would be crushed through circumstances, or something else, but God always gives the opportunity to allow Him exchanging those coins for His currency.

Each one of these heart attitudes requires God dealing with us; but the level of severity really depends on us. It really depends on how much we would be willing to yield to God for Him to use us and our lives for His glory. All He wants is to entrust us with His talents, so we could multiply His love, mercy, patience, grace, forgiveness, and the list goes on and on.

One of the scriptures that got stuck with me is from Jeremiah 15:19-21 (NKJV):

¹⁹Therefore thus says the Lord: “If you return, then I will bring you back; you shall stand before Me; if you take out the precious from the vile, you shall be as My mouth. Let them return to you, but you must not return to them. ²⁰ And I will make you to this people a fortified bronze wall; and they will fight against you, but they shall not prevail against you; for I am with you to save you and deliver you,” says the Lord. ²¹ “I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked, and I will redeem you from the grip of the terrible.”

This is the ultimate God`s goal for each one of us—so we get to the spiritual level of such close relationships with Him that we are capable to extract the “precious out of the vile” because God sees things different than we are. That`s why when He looks at my coin jar holder, He can see inside my heart and know that if He applied the right amount of pressure, a pinch of hardships, and a spoonful of affliction, I could become like refined gold that could be traded for His profit.

That`s my prayer that God would teach me to extract precious out of the vile and when I look at the people, I could see their pain despite of their bitterness or evil treatment of me because I know that God forgave me a lot, so I could forgive to the others. He loves me a lot, so I could learn to love the unlovable. I pray that my heart`s soil becomes transparent like a glass, so when God looks inside it, He could easily show to me what needs to change, and I could accept that through my repentance. That could only be learnt through obedient walk with Him and daily hunger to know Him more.

Do you feel like you`ve been storing far too much change in your jar at home (in your heart). What`s more, is your jar made of glass, brass, clay, or a piglet, so you could realize what you`ve been storing for God to come and show you what needs to change in your life to be entrusted with those talents to bring profit for His glory? Do you have a yielding heart and soft soil, so He could teach you how to extract the precious out of the vile, or do you waste your life in mere somber existence collecting all that change of anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness?

I urge you to reconsider your life values and realize that God loves those who want to become a refined gold traded for His profit and glory. He knows your abilities better than you yourself. If only you allowed Him to exchange all your stored “coins”, He could do far more with that than you could envision yourself. Are you willing to live your life to your fullest potential and seek to multiply His entrusted talents for His glory?

In the end, He will deal with those who rejected Him and thought of Him as being a cruel and unjust master because that`s not who He is. Only those who are selfish and lazy seeking to live for themselves, or choose to live in unforgiveness and bitterness, come up with those excuses because God is more than merciful and patient with each one of us to give plenty of opportunity to repent. God seeks for us to allow Him to exchange the stored “coin jar” for His currency, so we could invest it into His kingdom.  His exchange rate is a lot higher than we could ever estimate it to be because we could never encompass His love and mercy, and grace to its fullest.

I pray that every time you look at your coin jar, you think of your heart and the contents of it because this is what of the most vauable to God. He will not rest until He does everything He can to exchange all your stored "coins" for His talents. I urge you to conduct the inventory of your heart and what the material it`s made of (glass, brass, clay, or a piglet), so you could empty the contents into God`s hands and have no regrets about it. He will wait for you for as long as you live.