Only God Knows Our Hearts

Genesis 37:31-35 (NKJV)

³¹ So they took Joseph’s tunic, killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the tunic in the blood.

³² Then they sent the tunic of many colors, and they brought it to their father and said, “We have found this. Do you know whether it is your son’s tunic or not?”

³³ And he recognized it and said, “It is my son’s tunic. A wild beast has devoured him. Without doubt Joseph is torn to pieces.”

³⁴ Then Jacob tore his clothes, put sackcloth on his waist, and mourned for his son many days.

³⁵ And all his sons and all his daughters arose to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted, and he said, “For I shall go down into the grave to my son in mourning.” Thus his father wept for him.

Joseph`s story is one of my favorite stories in the Bible because this is one of the very powerful examples of God`s faithfulness and sovereignty over His word. This account only proves that God keeps watch over each word He says.

Today God showed me this story from a different angle, and that is the motivations in the hearts which led to the events in Joseph`s life the way they did. This is just another proof to me that only God knows our hearts, and He searches them out. He already knew that Joseph`s brothers had jealousy and hatred in their hearts, and their motivations were evil. They despised Joseph for all the love and special attention he was getting from their father, and it was building up over time in their hearts. Nobody knew what was really in their hearts except for the Lord. When He gave those dreams to Joseph, only God knew why He was planning to elevate Joseph over his brothers and his father because only God knew all the motivations in their hearts. God knew that Joseph had soft yielding heart that He could use for His glory, and God knew that Joseph`s brothers had unyielding hardened hearts which could not be touched by even their father`s weeping.

God gave Joseph dreams showing that his brothers and his father bow down to him, and his brothers rebelled against Joseph even more after they heard his dreams since they knew that Joseph was Jacob`s favorite son.


Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors. ⁴ But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.⁵ Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more. (Genesis 37:3-5 NKJV)

It says here that Joseph`s brothers refused to speak peaceably to him indicating that they probably called him names, humiliated him, and made fun of him mocking his dreams. In all this, only God knew their hearts, and what we see in Joseph`s dreams is a subsequent result for each one of their hearts. We clearly see that Joseph was raised in the fear of the Lord because his faith in God is what kept him going after he was sold into slavery; he kept God`s commandments close to his heart and gave all the glory to God when he was asked to interpret the dreams while serving his time in prison and later to Pharaoh.

His brothers on the other hand, did the opposite, they were so cruel and unyielding that even when they sent the bloody robe to their father Jacob and knowing that he was weeping and mourning for Joseph for so many days, they didn`t tell him the truth that Joseph was alive. When you are that cruel and unempathetic, it`s a pretty good indication of how much sin in one`s heart that caused to harden one`s heart.

These verses from 33-35 just blew me away when I was reading the chapter because it says that not only did Joseph`s brothers didn`t have the courage to tell their father the truth and feel repentance/remorse, but they went even further with that—they killed the goat and bloodied the tunic to make it look like Joseph`s blood, and they decided to cover up for their lies instead of owning to their sin. The part that made me see this story different though was Joseph`s brothers` attitude of cruel treatment of their father when they saw Jacob weeping and mourning for so many days.

It says that all the sons and daughters gathered and came to console their father, but Jacob didn`t want to be consoled and continued to mourn. When you get to the point of this kind of hardened heart that you don`t feel compassion anymore, it`s a good indication that only God could break that bond of sin.

God does exactly that, and this is what I never noticed before. When we read that God gave Joseph those promising dreams, we question first: why is it only Joseph gotten those dreams and not any other one of his brothers? From the start God knew their hearts, and only He knew that Joseph would suffer the injustice, but He would reward him for his tested faithfulness to the Lord and use him to not only save his family from starvation, but God used Joseph to break that bond of sin in his brothers` hearts to bring them to complete repentance.

This story not only points to the fact that only God knows and searches our hearts, but He tests them and uses circumstances to reveal and distinguish those who are humble, so He could reward them, and to humiliate those who are prideful. All that was done to break the bond of sin; the ultimate goal of Joseph`s dreams was to break the bond of sin in his brothers` hearts because God used their humiliation and humbling to bring them to their knees to repent.

I always saw this story as a way of God`s provision and salvation from the starvation to save Joseph`s family, but I never looked at this story as a way of God to use Joseph to save his household and to get his brothers to repent. The account of Joseph`s sacrifice resulted in humbling of his brothers.

Sometimes we think that God doesn`t see or know anything, and we question His motivations as to why some injustices happen, but if only we could be a little more patient to make it to the end of the story, so we could find God to be faithful and just as always. The Bible didn`t stop on Joseph`s story with him being sent out to slavery, but it ended with God proving to be faithful and just to the end when He rewarded Joseph with promoting him into the one of the most prestigious positions (he was named the second after the Pharaoh), and with his brothers traveling all the way to Egypt to meet Joseph face to face to discover that he was alive. That faithfulness of God prompted them to repent and to acknowledge God being in control of everything.

I have seen so much injustice and was growing weary on some days from exhaustive waiting for God`s deliverance, but my story doesn`t end here. Like Joseph, I`m waiting for the outcome of God`s faithfulness on my life, so He could bring out all the justice to pass and bring out my truth. God already had a plan as to why He took me out of my house and led me to where I am now because He knows better what`s coming. I can only surrender to His will and know that He is faithful always!

I think we have to think twice before we question God as to why things happen the way they happen, and why does He select certain people over the others because like in case with Joseph, we see that God was judging according to each one of their hearts` motivations. As humans, we don`t have that luxury to see people through, although we have the Holy Spirit`s discernment, but it`s God`s privilege to test our hearts and to search them out, so He could use each one of us according to its true implication.

I am grateful that God is showing me every time how faithful He is, and He continues to uphold me whenever I feel doubts start creeping into my heart. I have no reasons to doubt God or to question His timeframes because only He knows when the right time for everything is.

If you feel like you were wronged, or you are tired of waiting for the Lord to show His justice, please stay patient and wait until the end because God is faithful and just every single time. The only thing that could delay His response is our hearts and their motivations, so I urge you to search out your heart and to test it against God`s word to assure that whatever you expect to happen will allow God room to bring it to pass by using your clean heart.

I personally make it a habit to pray the same prayer David prayed in Psalm 139:23-24 (NKJV):

²³Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; ²⁴ And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

God`s Grace Abounds

2 Chronicles 33:10-13 (NKJV):

¹⁰ And the Lord spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they would not listen.

¹¹ Therefore the Lord brought upon them the captains of the army of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh with hooks,^[b] bound him with bronze fetters, and carried him off to Babylon.

¹² Now when he was in affliction, he implored the Lord his God, and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers,

¹³ and prayed to Him; and He received his entreaty, heard his supplication, and brought him back to Jerusalem into his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the Lord was God.

The part that amazes me about Manasseh is that he was one of the most wretched kings that Israel had throughout the history, and even after all the horrible things that he`s done, when God sent him into the captivity, he was able to humble himself and cry out to God. Not only did the Lord hear him, but He forgave him and brought Manasseh back to his kingdom and restored his throne to him. This story just blows my mind away by the way God`s mercy and grace abounds and covers the worst of or transgressions.

Some of the important points that God showed me through this scripture were:

Deep inside, all people realize the true existence of the Lord regardless of how much they resist to acknowledge it in their lives or acknowledge it publically. We all deep inside realize that the Lord is the only true God. People always have reverence and belief in God no matter what, even when they choose to play those games with the Lord by rejecting Him and by rebelling against Him claiming that He doesn`t exist. Manasseh did exactly that- he was playing games with the Lord. He was the son of Hezekiah (one of the most godly kings after David (Isaiah 36-38; 2 Kings 18-19) as the scripture tells us, and Manasseh had exposure to the truth of the Lord and the scriptures since he was born, yet he chose to play those games and rebel against God.

 Manasseh was one of the worst of the kings who did the sorcery, the witchcraft, soothsaying, passed his sons through the fire, established the idol in the house of the Lord (in the Temple itself), yet when God sent him into captive, He called out to the Lord for deliverance rather than to all those idols that he worshiped throughout his life.
⁶ Also he caused his sons to pass through the fire in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom; he practiced soothsaying, used witchcraft and sorcery, and consulted mediums and spiritists. He did much evil in the sight of the Lord, to provoke Him to anger. ⁷ He even set a carved image, the idol which he had made, in the house of God, of which God had said to David and to Solomon his son, “In this house and in Jerusalem, which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, I will put My name forever; (2 Chronicles 33:6-7 NKJV)

I think of Manasseh as an example of how much we toy with the Lord in our daily lives and rebel against Him in disobedience knowingly. We clearly see that although Manasseh was one of the wicked kings and rejected to repent, in the end he knew that only the Lord is the true and living God, and only He is capable to save him from the captivity.

I guess when you have hooks stuffed through your mouth and you are bound with bronze fetters, you would feel pretty uncomfortable to say the least and would be more prone to ask the Lord for deliverance and guidance. Manasseh did exactly that, as we see in the verse 12, that he “implored the Lord his God”, and he knew the Lord was his God.  

This leads me to the next point that I`d like to make, and that`s the importance of afflictions. They always work in humans` lives. No matter how stubborn and proud one can be the afflictions do the trick. Some require to have hooks pulled through their mouth and have bond of bronze fetters on them (like Manasseh had it), and some require other things that get their heart in the right place with the Lord, but the afflictions always work.

When I look at the example of Manasseh, my heart just stops for the Lord. He was such a wicked king, yet the Lord showed grace and mercy to him when he repented while being in captivity. Not only that, but God restored his throne back to him. This is just another confirmation to us of the true God`s plan and goal for each one of us: He is only after our hearts and desires for each soul to be saved. It all comes down to this true statement that John wrote in the gospel:

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16 NKJV).

This is where our Lord`s heart is: our salvation. He loves us so much that even Manasseh, one of the most treacherous and wicked kings when he repented, the Lord forgave him. God is consistent in His message and His character: He cares about everybody without exception. It doesn`t matter what our past is/was, it doesn`t matter how bad of a person we have been in the past; the Lord only concerned about our hearts, so we get saved.

I just can`t stop to wonder about God`s mighty love for us when I think about Manasseh because the history tells us that he was that king who ordered the prophet Isaiah to be sawed in half (reference to that is in Hebrews 11:37), and he was so rebellious against the God`s word that he even established the idol in the Lord`s temple. I mean he was one of the meanest, wicked of the people. I can only picture Isaiah coming to him with the word from the Lord urging him to repent and for the nation to repent in their rebellion, and seeing Manasseh laughing straight in the face and dismissing all the prophecies of the Lord. This is astonishing to see that this same person found God`s grace to abound in his life. God is so loving to us!

I think it`s important to note here another vital point: God`s ability to save even the worst of the human kind, so we could see His glory. This testimony of Manasseh`s salvation cries out to me of our Lord being alive and being vigilant over His word. He never rests until He accomplishes goal for each one of our lives. This is astounding to me to see that if God was capable and willing to save even the worst of the human kind, He is able to move my circumstances and save my husband.

God is faithful to His word, and He will not rest until those who we pray for, would get saved. If you have any doubts about that, I believe that I will have that testimony in my life that all those who I pray for, they would get saved.

If you feel like your life is not worthy of the Lord, or you claim that there is no God, I urge you to stop playing these games. God is alive, and He is the only God that there is. He was the One who created heaven and earth, and all human kind, and only He knows you personally. If you don`t know Him yet, I urge you to seek Him with all your heart, so He could save you just the way He saved Manasseh and me because nothing is impossible to Him.

On the example of Manasseh, we see that he could pray and worship all sorts of the idols in his life, but when the circumstances came to the real business, the Lord was the only One who was able to deliver him, and not only did He do that to show His glory, but He forgave Manasseh.

If you don`t know the Lord as your personal Savior and would like to accept Him into your heart, you will need to repent first. We clearly see throughout the Bible the consistent message of the Lord that He is willing and desiring to save us, but we need to acknowledge our sins and repent genuinely with whole heart in them in order to confess Jesus as our savior.

⁹ that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. ¹¹ For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” (Romans 10:9-11 NKJV)

This message is very clear that we must believe and confess our sins that would produce cleansing change in our lives. Everything that we did before, we no longer do. Just like Manasseh when he returned from captivity, he changed the way he lived after he cried out to the Lord for salvation. That change is the fruit of repentance that we produce when we confess our sins to the Lord openly.

Ingredients for Victory

John 15:4-5 (NKJV)

⁴ Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

⁵ “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

Jeremiah 17:5-8 (NKJV)

⁵ Thus says the Lord:

“Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord.
⁶ For he shall be like a shrub in the desert, And shall not see when good comes, But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, In a salt land which is not inhabited.

⁷“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,And whose hope is the Lord.

⁸ For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear^[b] when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

Judges 7:20 (NKJV)

²⁰ Then the three companies blew the trumpets and broke the pitchers—they held the torches in their left hands and the trumpets in their right hands for blowing—and they cried, “The sword of the Lord and of Gideon!”

As I was fasting and praying for the Lord to fill me up afresh with His Holy Spirit, He was once again faithful to me. He showed me these scriptures today through my devotional reading as a reminder of what I should do. He reminded me of the main 4 ingredients that are needed for my victory.

Here are these 4 main ingredients:

1. I must abide in Jesus as He abides in me. It`s a mutual responsive relationship which could only exist through the personal knowledge of God and authentic genuine desire to know Him (John 15:4-5)

2. I can only rely on God in everything I do and not on man for cursed is the man whose strength is in people rather than in God (Jeremiah 17:5-8)

3. I must allow God to “break pitchers”, so His light could shine through me (Judges 7:20).

4. I must always carry “trumpets” with me whenever I go. To us, as believers, these trumpets represent our daily praise and thanksgiving to God for everything that He does in our lives.

I`ll go through each one of these components in greater details to remind us of the opportunity God presents us with by using these ingredients to win battles that we each face.

1. I must abide in Jesus as He abides in me. This is crucial to every believer to abide in Jesus and to realize the significance of His sacrifice.

When listening to the testimony of Nicky Cruz, he says that it wasn`t the deliverance of Mary Magdalene (Luke 8:2), or the demon possessed man who lived among the tombs that was delivered by Jesus (Luke 8:27-33) that touched his heart, but the crucifixion of Jesus and a graphic depiction of that event, that got him to repent and really surrender his life to Jesus. Nicky says that he realized the Jesus was good and he was bad; he realized that he didn`t deserved to live, yet Jesus died for him on the cross. That`s the power of the Gospel that`s alive and continues to touch the hearts of people. We must acknowledge Jesus in our hearts and surrender to Him, so He could abide in us. We must abide not in other people, not in media, or whatever else that makes us tick, but in Jesus, so He in turn, could abide in us and bear “much fruit”. This mutual responsive relationship that softens our hearts; it uproots whatever sin we harbor in our lives, and produces spiritual maturity. We cannot win battles without this crucial component.

2. I can only rely on God in everything I do and not on man.

This is another significant truth that we have to have in our live as a backbone of our walk with the Lord. Whatever the circumstances are, our trust must be solely in the Lord and Him alone. People are like weather and seasons—they change on us unpredictably, and those whom we count to be most reliable today, tomorrow may stab us in the back and betray, but God remains faithful at all times for He cannot deny Himself (2 Timothy 2:13 NKJV):

¹³ If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.

My own husband, my the best friend, betrayed me in the worst possible ways, so I would never put my trust in people ever again. Not to say that I would not be open to rebuild my relationships with my husband, but that I would never make him my source of reliance. I had so many opportunities to depend on my attorneys, or some people, or judges, but I knew that I would fail miserably in the court if I put my trust in who defends me or judges my circumstances because they are only flesh and blood appointed by God. I have to trust in my ultimate source—in God who orchestrates everything. There is nothing, and absolutely nothing, that happens without His permission. I think if we would truly realize that and remember every day, we would have no trouble trusting in Him alone to see us through our trials. If He gave us those trials, than He is the only source who could provide us with the solution and guidance as to how to win the battle; therefore, we must to have our trust only in the Lord.

3. I must allow God to “break pitchers”, so His light could shine through me (Judges 7:20).

This is a unique scripture in the book of Judges that He showed me today and shed a new light to the way I understood it before when reading the story of Gideon. This is just another reason why I love Bible so much because every time I read the same scriptures, I notice either a verse that I never understood before or never even remembered that it existed; God just uses Holy Spirit to open my eyes to the places that I need at the right time.

So here we have a story of Gideon and the way Israelites were oppressed by Midianites after their backsliding with God. The Lord commanded Gideon to first sieve through the multitude of the people who responded to the call to go to war with Midianites. God made sure that only the brave 300 were left to go with Gideon to war. Once he sieved through the multitude of the people, God commanded Gideon to take only the trumpets, and the pitchers with oil.

I`d like to stop for a moment on the significance of the instruments that God commanded to Gideon to use for this war with Midianites: trumpet and a pitcher (torches with light). There were no weapons, no knives, or any other killing instruments other than these two important items: pitcher and a trumpet.

God showed me that these pitchers had to be broken down in order for the light to shine. The oil was hidden in the pitcher, and in order to use the oil to light up the light, the pitcher had to be broken. To us, as believers, it applies directly in such a way that we are clay in God`s hands, and He molds us into the pitchers/vessels of His glory. Sometimes in order for Him to get Jesus to shine through us and to direct our paths, He has to break this pitcher that He Himself created in one`s mother`s womb. Sometimes, He allows devastating circumstances in our lives that break our old nature and personality, so He could release that light in our hearts to bring victory.

I always carry with me this scripture in Jeremiah 48:11-15 (I used part of this scripture in my article called “Untouchables”):

¹¹ “Moab has been at ease from his^[e] youth; He has settled on his dregs, And has not been emptied from vessel to vessel, Nor has he gone into captivity. Therefore his taste remained in him, And his scent has not changed. ¹² “Therefore behold, the days are coming,” says the Lord,
“That I shall send him wine-workers Who will tip him over And empty his vessels And break the bottles (Jeremiah 48:11-12 NKJV).

Although God is talking about Moabites here and the example of the vessels of wine, but the principle stays the same: God breaks the vessels in order to get to the substance inside. This scripture is very dear to my heart because God showed it to me as a prophecy of what`s gonna happen to my husband and the way God would deal with him in order to get him saved. He is going to break this vessel that was left for awhile (my husband got saved when he was in high school during one of the evangelistic crusades, and after that he went right back to living an unsaved life), so God is going to break this vessel that was “untouched” from his youth, and He is going to pour the substance of his heart out, so He could give him a new heart, a heart of flesh rather than a heart of stone.

To us, as believers, this is a very important principle- God always breaks the pitchers in order to get to the light inside and make it shine. Some of us resist it longer than the others, but when God evaluates the substance of our hearts and sees that under certain amount of pressure, we would break, He does it because He cares for us so much. He cares only about our hearts, so they are given all the opportunity to get saved ad to abide in Him to bring “much fruit”.

We must have this component in our lives to see God`s victory. When God doesn`t deal with our “pitchers” (our hearts), than we cannot be worthy warriors for His Kingdom and bear fruit, so I encourage you not to estrange the hardships, afflictions, and trials. That only means that God cares about you greatly and He is trying to get to that “light” in your heart to make it shine, so you could win whatever battle of “Midianites” you have in your life. This is God`s prove that when we have Jesus in our hearts that shine brightly, all our enemies start running around in terror like all the Midianites did with the multitudes of others; God turned their hands against each other, so that Israelites didn`t even have to kill anybody. Whatever battles we fight, we must remember that those are God`s battles and not ours, so the victory is His!

4. Always carry “trumpets” with us whenever we go. To us, as believers, these trumpets represent our daily praise and thanksgiving to God for everything that He does in our lives. Israelites were appointed to have the Feast of Trumpets by God in which day they weren`t allowed to work but had to rest. That day was specifically to remember all the God`s work.

¹⁸ When I and all who are with me blow our trumpets, then from all around the camp blow yours and shout, ‘For the Lord and for Gideon.’” (Judges 7:18 NIV)

Gideon and the 300 people who came with him for the battle blew their trumpets as a first weapon they used against the multitude of the nations gathered to fight against them.

Praise and thanksgiving is one of the most powerful weapons that we have against the enemy-Satan, on the days of our battles. These “trumpets” represent a mighty weapon of praise and worship.

The trumpets were common instrument Israelites brought with them as it served multiple purposes: as a warning of the enemy`s proximity, Levites carried trumpets to worship God and keep the service going while people were at war, there was a Feast of Trumpets (Leviticus 23:24, Numbers 29:1) in remembrance of everything God`s done for the nation, and they weren`t allowed to work that day but rest and remember all God`s work. Trumpets were also used for the calling of the assembly whenever Israelites were getting ready to leave from some place and move their tents for the road (Numbers 10:1).

As believers, we must have always in our daily walk with the Lord a grateful heart for everything that He does, and make it a point to remember each day down to the small details all the testimonies that He gives us. I make myself write down as many testimonies as I can for the way Lord protects me, delivers me, provides for me, and shows His endless love. It serves me a constant reminder of the way His hand sustains me, and it helps me believe on the days when I doubt that He is with me, and this is His battle and not mine that I fight.

Only today, I was praising Him for the way He provided and alternative temporary job for one of my close family members knowing already that the job she had until last week was going to temporarily stop. God already knew ahead of time that we would need additional income, and He made sure that He organized and worked out all the details for the alternative employment week ahead of time before my family member found out about her layoff. This is marvelous work of God, and it only proves that only He knows all the deadlines and circumstances ahead of time. He orchestrates everything and guides us when we are faithful to Him and abide in Him.  

We must have grateful hearts even for the small details (I remember the days when I thanked Him for a free cup of coffee that I would get once in a while or free food, or a gift card to buy clothes when I needed to buy some alternative size after losing a lot of weight with all the stress that I am going through this year).  I would never forget the day when out of the blue, a person whom I never met before, but whom my cousin knew (she was a mother of one of his friends in school), she brought us gift cards and basket of food right before last Christmas worth for $400. We were in awe the way God provided for us every day when we literally had no means and were tight on money. All those gift cards weren`t just unnecessary luxurious items, but they were gift cards for the grocery store, particular really nice clothes store (which ran enormous sale right at that time allowing me to buy the necessary clothes for work by a really good clearance), and other needed items. That was a glory of God that sustained us and continues to see us through all the hardships whenever we experience.

I make sure I carry my “trumpet” with me every day and make it a point to thank Him for everything. He rewards me greatly for my soft and receptive heart. This is important for us to remember to have praise and worship time every day and share with others of all the things He`s done and does each day. This kind of grateful heart produces testimonies which are the best music to His ears because they testify of His glory. They produce much fruit, which is exactly what Jesus referred to in John 14:4-5 when He stated that when we abide in Him, He abides in us, and we bear “much fruit”. I love this. This is yet another promise of God that I will bear “much fruit” when I commit myself to truly daily and faithfully abide in Him.

There is no magic here when we look for these main 4 components bringing forth God`s victory, yet so many times we lose some of these ingredients in our lives, and as a result we fail. When we fail, we tend to blame God for our failures when the answer is simple: abide in Him, rely on Him only, allow Him to break your “pitcher” and take out your “trumpet”. It is essential that we have all 4 of these things present in our lives to see the victory. I am grateful to the Lord that He reminded me of these things as I approach my upcoming hearing in a month. I have a count down for a last month until my hearing on October 19^th, and I better have all these 4 components up to date in my life, so I could see a victory on the day of the hearing.

It may even look to us sometimes that these are not substantial enough resources to battle our circumstances with, yet these are exactly the components God wants us to use to fight, so we don`t become proud. He wants to receive all the glory. These ingredients require faith and trust in the Lord, and sometimes it`s too tempting for us to seize control in our own hands and attempt fighting our battles with worldly typical weapons: lie for a lie, vengeance for betrayal, hate for hate, blow for blow.

Here is what God told Gideon in Judges 7:2 (NIV):

 ² The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’

We are so selfish, proud and sinful in nature, that it`s only natural for us to boast when we win. That`s why God calls us for using unnatural weapons to our nature requiring complete surrender in faith. He eliminates and sieves through the multitude of the resources that we have when facing battle, so only His “light” and “trumpet” could win.

We should always keep in mind that God is on our side when we abide in Him, and He would never leave us when we put our trust in Him on the day of our battle. The victory is His to begin with, so we only need to allow Him to win by walking in obedience.

God`s Time, Not Ours

Genesis 15:12-16 (NIV)

¹² As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a thick and dreadful darkness came over him.

¹³ Then the Lord said to him, “Know for certain that for four hundred years your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own and that they will be enslaved and mistreated there.
¹⁴ But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions.
¹⁵ You, however, will go to your ancestors in peace and be buried at a good old age.
¹⁶ In the fourth generation your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure.”

 This is yet another scripture that I read so many times in the past but never paid any special meaning or attention to what God promised Abraham when making a first covenant with him. Right after God affirmed Abraham to have endless amount of descendants, God showed Abraham a prophecy about Israelites going into Egypt and becoming slaves for 400 years (as we know it happened right after Joseph`s reign), and God`s promise to save them and bring them back into the promised land.

Here is a very important part of the prophecy as to why it would take so long for Israelites to maintain in slavery despite their cries for freedom: “for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure”. Wow! God`s timing is not ours, and He knows better than we could ever calculate when is it the due season for everything. Only He can look at both sides of the story and know the depth of the circumstances, and we need to always remember that. Only God knows when it is the “right measure”.

This was a very sobering reminder for me to wait long patiently for the resolution of my circumstances because although I may think that I`m ready for the breakthrough, but another side of the story is hidden from me and only available to God, so I`m left with only trusting that He will make everything right in His right time.

Looking back at the prophecy that God gave to Abraham, we see a very crucial principle: God judges and He is a very fair Judge. He saw that in the land where Abraham dwelt, there were other nations, and they were evil. The things they did by serving pagan gods and committing all sorts of atrocities were a huge abomination to God, but He was waiting until the sin of their lives would reach the right “measure”, so He could judge them. God used Israelites when He led them out of the Egypt to judge Amorites and other nations that lived there by ordering Israelites to exterminate them completely; to wipe them out of the face of the earth.

First of all, God didn`t decide to kill one nation for the sake of another, but He used one nation to judge the evil doing of another nation. That`s how God operates. When we see the atrocities committed in the different parts of the world, it is not always because those people were innocent, but most of the times those people are either evil worshipers/ pagan worshipers, and they live extremely defiling lives regardless of being warned to repent.

¹⁶ However, in the cities of the nations the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes.¹⁷ Completely destroy^[a] them—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the Lord your God has commanded you. ¹⁸ Otherwise, they will teach you to follow all the detestable things they do in worshiping their gods, and you will sin against the Lord your God. (Deuteronomy 20:16-18 NIV)

We clearly see that God ordered to exterminate these nations for their evildoing, and so they would not teach Israelites those same evil things for which God is judging them and wiping them off the face of the earth for.

⁵ It is not because of your righteousness or your integrity that you are going in to take possession of their land; but on account of the wickedness of these nations, the Lord your God will drive them out before you, to accomplish what he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (Deuteronomy 9:5 NIV).

The interesting thing here is God already had a plan the way He would lead the Israelites out of the Egypt with all the glory and might, and the way He would give them the land. If He agreed to answer Israelites` cries for slavery deliverance any time earlier than appointed 400 years, than He would not have been able to wipe the Amorites and the other nations out, and the Israelites would have to co-exist with them by sharing land. In the end only risking for Israelites going into backsliding, which they did anyway because they disobeyed the Lord to exterminate those nations completely.

This is how perfect God`s timing is. Nobody else could ever calculate this better than God Him. Only He defines the “measure” and the Day of Judgment, so all we can do is stay faithful, continue praying, and never loose heart.

I read through the first 21 chapters of Genesis yesterday, and I made it a point for myself to mark each situation where God was fair, just, and faithful, and there has been so many occasions just  in those first 21 chapters, that it really encouraged me to keep up my faith. I saw that God is fair, and there has been not one situation where He didn`t protect or judged fairly. People failed, but He didn`t. That`s our best promise from Him that He is Faithful Always! 

The same way God judged the Amorites and the other nations, the same way He judged Israelites later on when they started to backslide while living in disobedience to the Lord. He doesn     `t makes exceptions because He is a sovereign God.

¹¹ Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals. ¹² They forsook the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the Lord’s anger ¹³because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths.¹⁴ In his anger against Israel the Lord gave them into the hands of raiders who plundered them. He sold them into the hands of their enemies all around, whom they were no longer able to resist. ¹⁵ Whenever Israel went out to fight, the hand of the Lord was against them to defeat them, just as he had sworn to them. They were in great distress. (Judges 2:11-15 NIV)

This is why God was so clear to exterminate those nations, so they would not lead the Israelites into the sin, but the Israelites disobeyed His command and left some of the nations around. Sure enough, they started following their rituals, pagan worshiping and doing other wicked things in the sight of the Lord.

God has His time for everything, and we are not to question His reasons. We live in the world of an instant gratification, and that makes us impatient whenever we have to wait, leave alone when we have to wait long patiently.  It`s been two long horrible years for me, and partially it`s due to my disobedience and unyielding to God, but partially because God has His time for everything and not me.

I need to continue reminding myself that God is Sovereign, Fair, and Just, and whatever happens at the hearing in October, it would be because He has His own reasons for it. All I am accounted for is praying, fasting, and seeking His will. Only God knows when the right “measure” would be reached to judge those whom He needs to judge, and to save those whom He needs to save.

I encourage you today that if you are as weary as I am and drained from constant battle for specific circumstances/problems, please go back to His word. I haven`t found one scripture where God was inconsistent or unfaithful or unjust and contradictory to the nature of His character. It`s just not in the Bible. In the Bible, we see the opposite—He comes through to those who choose to trust in Him and to remain faithful. He especially protects and guards those who honor His word. We must persevere and remain patient because His time is perfect, but ours is not.

Holding On To Your Vision

Ezekiel 22:30-31 (NIV):

 

³⁰ “I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one.

³¹ So I will pour out my wrath on them and consume them with my fiery anger, bringing down on their own heads all they have done, declares the Sovereign Lord.”

It is so important to hold on to your vision because when we lose sight of it, we lose direction, the purpose of God`s calling, and a reason for our circumstances. It took me some time in the past month, while going through different struggles, to recapture the essence of my vision that God showed me in the scripture. I vowed to God and pleaded with Him awhile back (many years ago) to use me for His glory, to use me to stand in the gap for those who are lacking forgiveness and deserve His wrath. I had to go back to my vision and start praying even harder for God to pour out His mercy and bring my husband to repentance, so He would not pour out His wrath on him and other people who did a lot of evil to me.

I know it`s been awhile since I`ve last written, but I promised myself and to God that I would not be using this blog for nonsense or self-praise writing. As a matter of fact, I never liked writing, but last summer God told me very clearly to write down everything that`s going on, so it would be for His glory, so I`m finishing up my second volume of diary (my daily devotionals with revelations, testimonies, and events that take place on a daily basis, which has been a great blessing to me). Sometimes I look back for scriptures that He game a month ago or a year ago, and it serves the purpose of reminding me of how much He loves me that He continues to guide me and to sustain me throughout all my life. These writings have been constant reminder to me of endless amount of miracles that I`ve experienced with the Lord being my Shepherd. I am grateful that He`s been strengthening me in documenting all my events. It serves as a great testimony primarily for me to see His hand on me in so many ways that I praise Him even more.

Before I go any further, I`d like to share some testimonies that took place in the last month:

First of all, I had my daughter with me almost entire month since my husband went on a 2 week vacation, and then he decided to go for his first season`s football game to his alma mater school. That huge testimony in itself is a result of my yet another sacrifice and act of obedience that I had to take. God tests our hearts to reveal what`s in them, and I`ve grown to appreciate that and to thank Him for it.

In the beginning of August, Holy Spirit convicted my heart that I have been spending my time with my daughter in a Sunday school instead of sitting in the service to listen to the sermon. As much as I tried to reason with God that since I don`t get to see her all that much, I take every opportunity I get, but I had to remind myself that it`s useless arguing with God especially when He comes back with the scripture. He reminded me of what Jesus told to the Pharisees in Mark 12:17 (NIV):

¹⁷Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.”

I couldn`t argue with that, so I committed my daughter once again to Him, and left her in a Sunday school while I myself went to listen the sermon. I prayed like Anna did when she prayed for a child, and God gave her Samuel (the last Judge before Israel appointed a first King-Saul). Anna prayed a prayer of promise to God that she would devote her child to the Lord, if He gave her a son, and God was faithful to fulfill His promise. He gave her a son right the next year (1 Samuel 1:11, 21). I prayed the same prayer to the Lord, that I devote her to His ministry and service, if only He would return her to me, and I devote all the church time to Him. I did that for both morning and for a night service.

On Monday morning, right the next day, I received an email from my husband letting me know that he was planning on going to Florida with his friends on vacation, and asking me whether I wanted to keep our daughter. I was in awe as to how fast God rewarded my obedience and sacrifice by giving up couple of hours in one day. IN return, I got a whole month with her. God is good to those who act in faith and in obedience.

Right couple of days before my husband was supposed to take off for vacation (because initially he asked me if I wanted him to take our daughter on vacation with him or if I wanted her to stay with me where I naturally replied that I wanted her to stay with me). So on Wednesday, right before he was supposed to leave, God asked me to allow him to take our daughter on vacation with him. I couldn`t believe this request. Not only did He asked me that, but He literally gave me a few scriptures from the old and new testaments about Abraham being faithful to God by bringing Isaac on the altar assuming that God was almighty to raise him from the dead in confirmation that it was in fact God Himself asking me to do that and not just my mind.

There was no doubting in Abraham`s mind that God was going to provide a way when there was no way; all he had to do was perform an act of faith (Genesis 23). The same was required of me- I had to perform an act of faith by calling my husband and asking him whether he wanted to take our daughter with him on vacation. I was on my knees weeping the night before I called him, pleading with God to pass this cup from me just like Jesus was praying in the Gethsemane Garden before His crucifiction, but so not my will, but His will would happen (Matthew 26:39).

When God asks us to do something, He doesn`t change His mind because He has only the best in His heart for us, and although He was testing me, but He had in His mind to bless me. I went through endless amount of scriptures not to lose heart and my mind, and the next morning before I called my husband, I decided to read my devotionals first (only to open the same scriptures from Romans 4:20-22 (NIV) that He showed me as one of the scriptures the night before when He asked me to contact my husband:

²⁰ Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God,²¹ being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. ²² This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”

After I saw this scripture yet for another time (God doesn`t have coincidences), I praised Him, prayed and dialed my husband. I tried to keep my emotions as neutral and my voice as even as possible when I asked him whether he would like to take our daughter on vacation with him. Although he was surprised to hear me saying those words, he declined my offer by saying that his plans have already been finalized, and he would not be able to take her with him on vacation this time around. After one more question of small talk, I finalized our conversation and hung up the telephone.

I was shaking from what just took place as I knew God was faithful to provide a way when there was no other way for me just like He did with Abraham. He recompensed my time with my daughter and left her with me, but I was still in disbelief of what took place. Like in Abraham`s case, when the ram got stuck in the bushes, and he was able to sacrifice him instead of Isaac his only son, God provided a way for me that my husband already made other plans for vacation and they didn`t have a place for our daughter. This is what I call God`s faithfulness and response to the act of faith. He rewards and respects those who choose to be obedient to Him. He rewarded me with a whole month with my daughter seeing how restless and weary I was growing from waiting for my custody hearing. Out of 3 months waiting period before the hearing, he gave me a break of one full month with my daughter. It happened at the right time, and it bore fruit for His glory. I could never stop thanking Him enough for being so patient with me and so rewarding.

During the month of August, I realized that I started to lose my vision of His plan for my life. I made a decision and committed “to stand in the gap” for my husband and for my family. I have to continue to pray for him and for our marriage to reconcile, so God`s glory would be manifested through this. I had to reject all the doubting thoughts that so unnoticeably started to crawl in while thinking about all the dirty possible things my husband was doing while on his vacation in Florida, that I realized I started to lose my fire and heart for God. I immediately repented and asked God to renew my fire, fill me up afresh with the Holy Spirit, and show me specifically what is it that I needed to do.

God doesn`t like mysteries, and what`s more, He is more than willing to guide us when we seek Him with our whole heart. He showed me a sermon by David Wilkerson while he was on a conference in Ukraine in 2003, and that sermon was on renewing a fire and praying. The sermon was about going up on the mountain to seek God face to face and to have communion with Him face to face like Moses did. Wilkerson reminded in his sermon that many of us place a camp half way to the mountain as a rest stop when we get either distracted with the daily problems or temptations, and we never make it to the mountain. I realized that I got stuck somewhere in a limbo camping somewhere before I reached the mountain for my daily communion with the Lord, and I needed to start fervently praying even more. I have to assure you that when God sees the desire and willingness, He responds immediately.

What started to happen to me is doubts started to creep in that God may judge my husband while he is on vacation, and something bad might happen, so I wouldn`t even have to go to court because He would resolve everything prior to that with some kind of a cataclysmic event. I was checking weather forecast for an upcoming storm Isaac that was predicted to hit Tampa and possible the southern part of the Gulf of Mexico, and I thought to myself, maybe this is it. He was right there with his friends, and maybe God was going to judge them. These were thoughts straight from Satan because they contradict God`s word. God is hungry to pour out His mercy and He seeks a willing heart to stand in a gap for those lost souls. I had to repent of those thoughts and start praying that nothing bad would happen to my husband or his friends. Few days later my husband contacted me letting me know that he returned earlier than what was initially planned for and he wanted to see our daughter. I let him visit her and see her while she continued to stay with me during that month.

God is faithful to answer our prayers when they are within His will. Don`t pray for things that contradict His word just like James warns us in his chapter 4:2-3 (NIV):

…You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

I had to reason with my heart and mind what I was praying for and how I was praying for to get back on track with my vision. When praying and reasoning regarding my circumstances, I told myself that I am still a married woman, and whatever God joined together, let no man separate (Mark 10:9). I also had to reason that since I`m still married to my husband, I have a duty to pray for him and for our family regardless of circumstances. Than I had to reason that since God is almighty, and His will is to save every living soul, it is my responsibility to continue praying for my husband and expect God`s miracle since He promised that if one person gets saved, the entire household would get saved (Acts 16:31). I reasoned that since God showed me the ministry, I cannot do that without my husband being saved, and God would not contradict His word in regards to me divorcing my husband in order to pursue the ministry that He showed me we would do, so He will have to touch my husband`s heart first, if He wants my family to serve Him in the ministry that He showed me.

Do you see how important it is to know the scripture and being able to withstand Satan with the scripture? Remember when Satan came to tempt Jesus in the desert at the end of His 40 day fasting, Jesus was using scriptures, and He replied to Satan with the scriptures because word of God is the ultimate authority in the spiritual realm (Matthew 4:1-11). God`s scripture must be our daily bread, so we could resist the temptations, so we could withstand the fiery arrows from Satan. Without God`s word, we become susceptible to failures and backsliding.

Right after I listened to David Wilkerson`s sermon, I decided to watch a movie based on his book called “The Sword and The Switchblade” about his calling to go to the worst gangs of New York in late 50-s and preach the gospel to them. God used David to get Nicky Cruz saved who is now serving the Lord. Back in those days Nicky was a president and then a vice-president of one of the worst gangs of New York called Mau Mau. In his book called Run, Baby, Run, Nicky describes all the horrific things he’s done and the kind of violence that was experienced in those days in New York. God used this one man- David Wilkerson, to stand in the gap for the “lost youth”that society called them cast outs- “animals”. The only way to survive they knew was by killing, robbing, and fighting for their turf (their territories). God used one man to reach out to many souls to get them saved.

After I watched the movie, God reminded me to go right back to standing in the gap for my husband, and although he deserves God`s wrath, like any of us do, God is seeking someone to stand in the gap to pray. Jesus reminded me that if He was capable to save one of the worst leaders of the cold bloodied murderers, He is more than capable to save my husband.

Here is the link to the David Wilkerson`s book called The Sword and the Switchblade and a link to the movie:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Cross-Switchblade-David-Wilkerson/dp/0515090255

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJpYE8nVLHQ

http://nickycruz.org/

One of the main reasons why Israelites kept murmuring and disobeying the Lord was their lack of vision. Their trust was in Moses (because they could see him), and not in God. When Moses went on the mountain to get the law written out, they grew tired of waiting for him and decided to make a golden calf. Why? Because they wanted something visual to remind them of what they are doing in the desert and where they are headed. They didn`t know God personally face to face like Moses did, and that was their problem.

When we don`t know God personally face to face, we lose the vision of what He called each one of us to do. My vision is to get my husband saved, to get my family reconciled, and to serve the Lord with my family. My vision is to glorify Him in everything I do. I can only stick to that vision by dwelling in His word and prayer abundantly. Not 5 minutes per day/week/ month, etc., but abundantly and daily. The day I slow down, I start experiencing fiery arrows of temptations from Satan who whispers on my ear to put a halt to my wacky illusions of my family ever getting back together or having my husband repented and broken down for the Lord. I know God`s scripture says the opposite, and I have to dwell in His word to keep on pressing to fulfill what He started.

Two days ago was my husband`s birthday, and at first, I was very tempted not to get anything for him since we live separate, but on the day of his birthday, God filled my heart with compassion after listening to David Wilkerson`s sermon, and I sent him an e-card with scriptures and encouragement that I am praying for him. I was also tempted to get him Sorel shoes with the model called “Mad Desert” since he is walking a “mad desert” without God (trotting dead-end circles of carnal self-fulfilled pleasure living), but I decided to buy him a really nice suit instead. I haven`t heard back from him other than simple thanks for the e-card that I sent him, and I don`t know what he would think of my present, but I give it up to God. I choose to sow the seeds of goodness, kindness, and love, so they could produce fruit in its due season.

I`d like to conclude with the encouragement of the power of prayer and the testimony that took place couple of days ago. God reminded me once again the power of prayer, but He also reminded me that people around us are watching us very closely when they know we are believers. My colleague at work knows my circumstances, and she is a close friend of mine. When her mother got sick while visiting home in Mexico, she came to my office and asked me to pray for her. I started praying for a miracle of a successful surgery regardless of the unsanitary conditions in the hospital where she was and regardless of the fact that the doctors weren`t the best as well as equipment. God made her, and only He knew what was wrong with her and needed healing. The surgery took place on the 4-th of September, and not only did it go well, but the surgery resulted in elimination of the core cause of her constant sickness. She is 76 years old, and she is recovering. God is good. She didn`t get this sick while she was in America and had access to all sorts of good hospitals and equipment, but she got sick while she was visiting at home in Mexico, so all the glory could be to God. This is how God operates- He will never share His glory with anybody even if it means bringing worse conditions as a temporary inconvenience.

This was also a reminder that people are watching me knowing my faith in God. My colleague could go asking for help or prayer from somebody else, but she came to me on a day of trials, knowing my strong faith in the Lord. Have no doubt in your mind that people are watching you if you claim yourself to be a believer. Your faith would always get tested at some point in your life if that haven`t happened yet, so you need to dwell in the word of God to be prepared to minister to people and to be that light that He calls us to be in this world.

If you haven`t prayed for a while or you lost vision of God`s plan for your life, I urge you to get back on track with your prayer life and seek the Lord first. He will guide you just like He`s been directing me every time I asked Him to. God doesn`t bring mysteries to our lives, but He brings order, clarity, and action. When God needs resources, He is searching for people to stand in the gap for those who need it, and I want to be that resources for Him. How about you?