Assigning Blame; What`s The Point?

Matthew 5:7-12 (NKJV):

⁷ Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

¹² Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

The more I think about my life and the circumstances, the more I realize that it`s futile to try assigning blame to someone or something to justify yourself to be right or to justify your own injustice. I realized that my whole life came to this: “I will follow You, Lord, whenever you go; I am Yours”. I always have these words in my heart from the children`s book that I read to my daughter; it`s called “Hermie” by Max Lucado. Little caterpillar Hermie keeps asking God why did He make an ant so strong, the lady bug so pretty, and a snail with such a cozy house, yet Hermie himself felt like nothing special. God`s answer was kind to Hermie every single time, and He would answer him: “Wait, Hermie, I`m not finished with you yet; I`m giving you heart like Mine”. My whole life came exactly to this point when the Lord would tell me: “Wait, I`m giving you a heart like Mine”. A heart like His is very expensive and comes at a very steep price: sometimes it comes at a price of one`s life, one`s child, one`s family, one`s spouse, but in the end, God rewards those who persevere and hold on to His promise.

My price included my spouse, my daughter, my family, almost my freedom, and my life. I surrendered it all to God, so in return He could give me a heart like His. A heart that cares about people, a heart that`s gentle and kind, a heart that`s loving, a heart that`s forgiving, a heart that sacrifices everything and never doubts. My God had to teach me all these things through the trials that I am going through.

I realized that it would be prideful and disobedient of me to say that I don`t deserve all that I`m going through (although I`ve sad that in the past, right after I discovered betrayal by my husband. I sad that I didn`t deserve that). Jesus didn`t deserve to be crucified for us, Paul didn`t deserve to be decapitated, Peter didn`t deserve to be crucified upside down. It`s childish and foolish to try assigning blame to somebody who caused me pain because majority of my misery stemmed from my husband`s betrayal. But if I didn`t have that, I could never see the other side of the pained heart. I could never understand the heartaches of other people. I could never learn to forgive. I could never learn to die to myself, so God`s love and sacrifice could be manifested through my life. I could never be that light to the world.

I think we spend so much time thinking about all the wrong that was done to us, simply because it helps us to justify a self-pity mode and get depressed. I`m not saying to be compassionate or to empathize with others is wrong, but I`m saying that the motive of assigning blame is really- pride. It comes down to me admitting to myself and to others that I am not any better than anybody else, and I don`t deserve any forgiveness and mercy, yet Jesus didn`t give up on me, but He persevered to save me by using all these messy circumstances. If He did that with me, than how is anybody else any worse or better than me?

It all comes down to realizing that we have to look at our circumstances as a bigger picture: as something of a greater destination assigned by God for each one of us. How could I ever come of age and mature in my faith if I haven`t had these trials? Only God knows the true substance of my heart and what could break all these calluses, so it`s irrelevant and inappropriate of me to question: “Why? Or claim that I don`t “deserve” this.”

I keep going through the Gospel of Matthew 5, and every time I read the characteristics of the truly godly person, I realize that none of these characteristics could be obtained if it wouldn`t be for trials and hardships. What`s the point of me blaming my husband and telling everybody of all these miserable experiences if the purpose of them was appointed by God to change my heart? By my act of complaining and assigning blame for betrayal, I refuse to accept the ultimate purpose of God for my life, which is to Give Me a Heart Like His!

As I approach my final hearing, which is exactly in 2 weeks from today, I realize that whatever happens would be from God. I cannot change what He has in store for me because He knows what`s better for me. I am willing to pay that steep price to see His glory because I know this is the ultimate reason why He preserved my life. I have faced death 4 times besides other hardships, and every single time He delivered me, so I have no other reason to live other than for Him and for my family. I want to see His mighty power manifested in my life to praise His name.

How about you? Do you have somebody whom you haven’t forgiven? This is the toughest thing to acknowledge for me and to say that the betrayal that I survive by my husband has only changed my heart for God and made me surrender and cleave to the Lord all the more. It all comes down for me to seek to see things through God`s eyes; just like He reminded Jeremiah in chapter 15:19-21 (NKJV):

¹⁹Therefore thus says the Lord: “If you return, Then I will bring you back; You shall stand before Me; If you take out the precious from the vile, You shall be as My mouth. Let them return to you, But you must not return to them. ²⁰ And I will make you to this people a fortified bronze wall; And they will fight against you, But they shall not prevail against you; For I am with you to save you And deliver you,” says the Lord.²¹ “I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked, And I will redeem you from the grip of the terrible.”

If only I learn to extract the precious from the vile, than He would speak to me and will find me to use for His glory. This is the toughest thing to accept and to learn for us to do because as human beings we tend to put ourselves ahead of everybody else, and this is exactly the opposite of what God commands us to do. The only way how I could extract the precious out of my vile circumstances is by acknowledging and admitting that it was God`s hand on everything that I go through in order to teach me to love the unlovable, to forgive the unforgiving, to care for those who defile and trample me and my reputation, and to serve to those who don`t “deserve” it in my eyes. God didn’t orchestrate my circumstances Himself, but me and my husband did. As humans, we made mistakes because we locked God in the special “pockets”, and we only allowed Him to come out whenever we needed something from Him. God was more like a Jinni to us rather than a Live Savior. As a result, we did things that were soulish and unwise because God`s word wasn`t part of it. God in return, took all these mistakes and circumstances and is working with them to change our hearts.

Today I can say from the bottom of my heart that if it wouldn`t be for my hardships, I couldn`t have matured in faith and come of age; I couldn`t have admitted all the testimonies that God gives me every day. That`s why I thank my Lord for leading me through these trials and for being my strength!

I would challenge you today to look at your life and to question the reason for your life and for your circumstances. Any success, accomplishment, achievement in life only takes us so far, and after that there is still that abyss of unsatisfaction because our ultimate purpose for creation was to praise and glorify the Lord. Only when we live out our initial and most important purpose in life, do we get full satisfaction with ourselves. That`s why I challenge you to seek out the Lord and to question Him for your goals, so He could direct your paths to where He purposed you to go.