Jeremiah 9: 24 (NKJV)
24 But let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me, That I am the LORD, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.For in these I delight,” says the LORD.
I know it`s been awhile since I wrote last post, and a lot of things took place during this month. My husband filed for emergency custody hearing, regular custody, requested child support payment from me as a complementary to custody request (although right now we have a split custody for our interim order), and reiterated that he would like to continue to live separate for now (until indefinite period of time), but with that asking me whether I would be willing to get back together. I had to hire a really good domestic attorney, and God had a miracle with that also. My attorney requested three times less money then initially discussed, so that was a huge break for me during all this stress.
God`s hand was on me during the emergency custody hearing, and I was able to negotiate equal time with my daughter, so now me and my husband have split/joint custody as an interim court order when before that he was the one alienating our daughter from me (hence having de facto custody).
The reason why I`m using this verse, which is something that God showed me yesterday, is because during all my trials that I go through, I realized one big factor: I am afraid to use God as my shield and resource when discussing my help. In my mind I thought that I shouldn`t bring God into equation when discussing my possible outcome because I don`t know what God`s will is in terms of the court outcome for custody, use and possession of my house, etc. I realized that my only Help comes from the Lord, and if I don`t boast that He is my help and assurance in all this, then I leave room to doubt: as to who would be the one fighting for me. Although I did hire a superb lawyer, top notch, but it would not be her who would deliver the win for me, but only God has it in His hands, and I must continue to remind that to myself. I had to pray for this courage to be able to say these words: that God is my strength, that I choose to glorify Him and to live for Him.
It`s so much easier to say that on the email to my husband or to my friend then in a written statement as a statement for the court. I feel like my tongue cleaves to my throat when I have to state that one of the major reasons of fighting not only my husband`s betrayal with pornography, strip clubs, financial, emotional, physical abandonment, etc., but the core issue is us pulling in different directions under the "yoke" because I choose to live for the Lord, and he chooses to live for himself. Although he claims to be a christian, but he doesn`t profess that with his actions, and hence, I am left to pray for him that Lord would use our circumstances to bring him to this place of brokenness to have a contrite heart in order to repent.
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV):
24 But let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me, That I am the LORD, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.For in these I delight,” says the LORD.
I know it`s been awhile since I wrote last post, and a lot of things took place during this month. My husband filed for emergency custody hearing, regular custody, requested child support payment from me as a complementary to custody request (although right now we have a split custody for our interim order), and reiterated that he would like to continue to live separate for now (until indefinite period of time), but with that asking me whether I would be willing to get back together. I had to hire a really good domestic attorney, and God had a miracle with that also. My attorney requested three times less money then initially discussed, so that was a huge break for me during all this stress.
God`s hand was on me during the emergency custody hearing, and I was able to negotiate equal time with my daughter, so now me and my husband have split/joint custody as an interim court order when before that he was the one alienating our daughter from me (hence having de facto custody).
The reason why I`m using this verse, which is something that God showed me yesterday, is because during all my trials that I go through, I realized one big factor: I am afraid to use God as my shield and resource when discussing my help. In my mind I thought that I shouldn`t bring God into equation when discussing my possible outcome because I don`t know what God`s will is in terms of the court outcome for custody, use and possession of my house, etc. I realized that my only Help comes from the Lord, and if I don`t boast that He is my help and assurance in all this, then I leave room to doubt: as to who would be the one fighting for me. Although I did hire a superb lawyer, top notch, but it would not be her who would deliver the win for me, but only God has it in His hands, and I must continue to remind that to myself. I had to pray for this courage to be able to say these words: that God is my strength, that I choose to glorify Him and to live for Him.
It`s so much easier to say that on the email to my husband or to my friend then in a written statement as a statement for the court. I feel like my tongue cleaves to my throat when I have to state that one of the major reasons of fighting not only my husband`s betrayal with pornography, strip clubs, financial, emotional, physical abandonment, etc., but the core issue is us pulling in different directions under the "yoke" because I choose to live for the Lord, and he chooses to live for himself. Although he claims to be a christian, but he doesn`t profess that with his actions, and hence, I am left to pray for him that Lord would use our circumstances to bring him to this place of brokenness to have a contrite heart in order to repent.
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV):
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
I know that I led myself to believe that since me and my husband been going to the christian pre-marital counseling, and he started going to the church with me, he change somewhat, but he never truly committed his life to God, and I voluntarily chose not to see/believe that.
Now that I have daughter who is being pulled between us, all I can find myself to pray for is for our marriage to be reconciled for her sake, so she could have a normal family where God is in the center. I never thought that going through this horrible betrayal and endless amounts of trials, I would be able to bring my heart to intercede for my husband to soften his heart and to hearken to the Lord.
I know that I duped myself when I "unequally yoked" with my husband in marriage where God was not in the center, and I know that a lot of my current issues stem from that, but with that I know that although I made these mistakes, God is using them for the better. I know that even if all these problems all it took to bring my husband to the Lord once and for all, that would mean that my life is not lived in vain and going through these trials is not in vain. Just like God, when he saw the prodigal son ran towards him and started to hug and cry rejoicing, I know God would be happy when He sees my husband repenting and reconciling with his family.
This scripture is one of the personal verses that God shared with me when all the problems started to heap up in the past few months in Ezekiel 3:8 (NKJV)
8 Behold, I have made your face strong against their faces, and your forehead strong against their foreheads.
Malachi 2:15-16 (NKJV)
15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16“ For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts.
I believe that so long as I am faithful to His word and will honor it, He will be faithful to fulfil His part and do a miracle to reconcile my marriage; rebuild it from scratch. Again, to attorneys I look foolish based on the layout of facts to my favor to divorce my husband and get all sorts of financial help from him, but I choose to live for the Lord and be obedient to His word, and so I`d rather look foolish in the eyes of the world rather then loose favor in the eyes of the Lord. Because I know for a fact that so long as I follow His word and continue to obey it, He would continue to protect me!
I was encouraged by Oswald Chambers who said:
As servants of God, we must learn to make room for Him-to give God “elbow room.” We plan and figure and predict that this or that will happen, but we forget to make room for God to come in as He chooses. Would we be surprised if God came into our meeting or into our preaching in a way we had never expected Him to come? Do not look for God to come in a particular way, but do look for Him. The way to make room for Him is to expect Him to come, but not in a certain way. No matter how well we may know God, the great lesson to learn is that He may break in at any minute. We tend to overlook this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way.
I kept telling myself that I would have to wait for the court hearing or after I filed for a legal separation or pendante lite hearing for God to show His strength, but that`s not really the case. He will move at the right time in a surprising unpredictable way, and I just need to keep that in mind. I continue to pray for my husband, and I know that God is faithful to bring him down to his knees and soften his heart.
Right now I am just waiting for the counter-complaint filing and for the next scheduled hearing (custody scheduled conference) where the next steps of the process would be outlined. It`s a very tough going, and I am hurt to no end taking this kind of abandonment from my husband, but I know that if it`s something that God would use to bring him to Him once and for all, than it`s all worth it.
Please continue to pray for me and know that if you are in situation where you consider marrying an unbeliever, DON`T because you would be duped. No one is able to equally be yoked when living for a different purpose in life because you would continue to pull in different directions and you would feel constant void just like it happened to me.
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