"Would Not God Search This Out?"

Psalm 44:20-26 (NKJV)

²⁰If we had forgotten the name of our God, or stretched out our hands to a foreign god,
²¹ Would not God search this out? For He knows the secrets of the heart.
²² Yet for Your sake we are killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

²³Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord?Arise! Do not cast us off forever.
²⁴ Why do You hide Your face,and forget our affliction and our oppression?
²⁵ For our soul is bowed down to the dust; our body clings to the ground.
²⁶ Arise for our help,and redeem us for Your mercies’ sake.

There is nothing better than reading Psalms when feeling so depressed and oppressed, and that`s what I do as frequently as I can especially when I am as frustrated as I am now. David has been through many battles, and he had to cry out to God endless amount of time, as I do now. This is exactly the prayer that I have for God today: I feel oppressed and forsaken; I feel hopeless and cast down knowing that only God can show His mercy and deliver me from all this.

I like the way David always comes to God with reminders of His glory in the previous protection of His people. David has a dual meaning for that: to give praise to the Lord and to remind Him that it was Him who delivered His people out of the hands of the enemy. That reminder is a way of interceding for the circumstances, and I pray that way too.

I feel like even if anything small I do wrong, I would be squashed and held accountable for, but my husband would keep getting away with all the evil he does. Although this would contradict God`s character, this is how I feel right now- forsaken and distressed. How much more can I take people calling me “crazy” for trusting in God and believing God is true to His word? I`m looking through all these accounts in the Bible of how much Job endured (1 year of horror), disciples going through persecution, David being on a run for many years from Saul, etc., and I don`t see the end to my sufferings. I only pray not to lose heart, so I could continue to praise the Lord even if I don`t understand the delay of my victory.

I may refuse to understand why He only gave me success in one of the three requested things in court, but He knows why, and He had a reason for that. So I have to trust that He knows better than me what needs to be done. The problem is that I can`t endure another separation with my daughter; especially knowing that there is no hope for a change until the final hearing which who knows when will take place. I am left yet again to submit to God and wait because I have no other choice.

⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

I have no right of accusing God for not standing up for me because He does protect me; I am just frustrated because I am weary to wait anymore for what I want. This is where I have to humble my heart before God and say that it`s not my will to be done, but Thine will be done on earth like in heaven. It`s important that I don`t lose heart, but I have to wait to the end to harvest.

I surrender to You, Lord, all my doubts, fears, and frustration, and I plead for forgiveness. Please, Lord, sustain me on the right path. I thank you, God, even for a small victory and a breakthrough that you granted me in my favor to rule on child support, and I trust You with that, so you could continue what you started. This is not my battle, but Your battle. I pray this, in Jesus Name. Amen.