How Much Is Enough?

Job 2:9-10 (NIV)

⁹ His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!”

¹⁰ He replied, “You are talking like a foolish^[b] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

 Can we only take good from God and not trouble? I keep reminding myself of this scripture as I started reading the book of Job again. Job was a righteous man who was obedient to God in everything he ever did, and Satan decided to test him, so God allowed Satan to take away everything from Job except for his own life (Job 1-2). Satan took away all Job`s wealth as he was a very prosperous man, took away his ten children, and took away his health by striking him with the worst form of leprosy. Throughout these problems that happened one right after another, Job stayed faithful to God.

My pastor always asks me this question: How much is enough? Every time I know the answer and I recite it off the top of my head: “It`s never enough until God finishes what He started”. Every time I know the answer in the deep of my heart, but it doesn`t makes it any easier to endure these horrible trials.

Wasn`t it enough for Stephen to be stoned; wasn’t it enough for Paul to be tortured and then decapitated; wasn`t it enough for Peter to be crucified upside down; wasn`t it enough for Mark to be dragged by the horses through the streets until he was dead; wasn`t it enough for James to be beheaded; wasn`t it enough for Thomas to be speared; wasn`t it enough for Bartholomew to be whipped to death? The list goes on and on as the first day Christians suffered martyrdom for the name of Jesus and as Jesus did Himself on the cross.

How much is enough to endure I kept asking myself as I was weeping on the floor begging God to show mercy and to expedite His victory after my husband picked up my daughter for another week. In addition to that I kept getting bombarded with doubts from the mediator where we went for the court appointed session to discuss custody and family assets, and later from my own attorney who stated that since my current custody order has been in place for a few months it is a very slim chance I stand for the upcoming temporary hearing to change my current custody order to get full custody of my daughter.

This was a very hard blow to take, and I knew that Satan is right here tries to undermine the work of God and my dependence on His word. But given my endless waiting period, I just collapsed after hearing that regardless of how much God shows me the adverse outcome. I can`t bear thinking about another court date without any specific change in my favor because last month it started to get harder and harder to bear this exhausting separation with my daughter especially seeing her crying and not wanting to go with my husband.

What made it worse was when my husband gave me the box of his discovery documents to pass on to my attorney instead of delivering them to her himself, and as I started to read his answers, I got sick to my stomach seeing all the slanderous lies  he listed there. He discussed our problems with every single member of his family, almost every single friend of his, and almost all of them are non-believers.

I started to pray really hard and searching for the scriptures in the back of my head to remind me of how much God is just, and how much He is faithful regardless of how impossible the situation is. The truth is, if to view my circumstances from the world`s perspective, there is no reason as to why my husband shouldn`t get a shared custody. I am facing a “Golliath” battle, or just like the king Hezekiah who was weak and unable to resist the Assyrian king, but in all those instances God preserved the hand of the righteous regardless of how impossible the situations seemed.

How much is enough for me to take of these horrible, horrible trials? Job lost it all, and he didn`t care if he lost his life because he knew that everything belongs to God. God blessed him in the end for his patience and persistence staying faithful and obedient to God`s character. Right after Paul watched the stoning of Stephen, on the way to Damascus Jesus blinded Paul and got him saved. It wasn`t until that sacrifice that Stephen endured to make every attempt possible to save a single soul, that Paul got saved.

Big sacrifices produce big fruits. I laid down a big sacrifice, and I`m praying for God to finish what He started. I want to be able to testify of His glory and faithfulness on this blog, among my church and among my friends to show that it`s never enough until it`s finished.

Every single costly sacrifice that`s been paid by each apostle, or martyr in the name of Jesus paid back by spreading the gospel around the world. Was it worth it? Yes, it was worth it because now, I, as a sinner have this opportunity to know God face to face. If it wasn`t for their lives, and would they have said: “It`s enough”, I wouldn`t have had this opportunity today to share God`s mercy, His grace, and His faithfulness.

So I choose to remind myself not to look at what I see now, but to look at God`s character instead reminding myself that He is faithful, He is true, He is going to finish what He started for His own glory.

I like the way Max Lucado wrote in his book called God's story, your story : when His becomes yours, where he said that although we can weigh on the scale our afflictions, God`s glory on the other side of the weight scale would always outweigh our trials, and I choose to believe that.

I ask the Lord to grant me His patience, His wisdom, His love for unlovable, His mercy, His grace, His self-control, so I could stay to the end and testify that it`s not enough until He finished what He started.

The crucial scripture that I rely on when I pray for the upcoming hearing is in Isaiah 54:14-17 (NKJV):

¹⁴ In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. ¹⁵ Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me. Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake. ¹⁶ “Behold, I have created the blacksmith who blows the coals in the fire, who brings forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the spoiler to destroy. ¹⁷ No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,” says the Lord.

I believe that every weapon that`s being created against me to testify in court and created with the purpose to oppress me and to destroy me, would be defeated by God`s mighty hand. This is His promise to His children, to His servants (literally means “slaves” in translation).

I will do what Jesus did, David, king Hezekiah, queen Esther, and others: I will spread all my concerns, fears, and afflictions before the Lord, and I will pray and fast, so He could show His result.

Please continue to pray for me, so God sustains me and my daughter in these horrible trials and expedites His victory.