Finding Balance

Luke 22:66-71 (NIV)


⁶⁶ At daybreak the council of the elders of the people, both the chief priests and the teachers of the law, met together, and Jesus was led before them. ⁶⁷ “If you are the Messiah,” they said, “tell us.”
Jesus answered, “If I tell you, you will not believe me, ⁶⁸ and if I asked you, you would not answer. ⁶⁹ But from now on, the Son of Man will be seated at the right hand of the mighty God.” ⁷⁰ They all asked, “Are you then the Son of God?” He replied, “You say that I am.” ⁷¹ Then they said, “Why do we need any more testimony? We have heard it from his own lips.”

John 18:33-38 (NIV)

³³ Pilate then went back inside the palace, summoned Jesus and asked him, “Are you the king of the Jews?” ³⁴ “Is that your own idea,” Jesus asked, “or did others talk to you about me?” ³⁵ “Am I a Jew?” Pilate replied. “Your own people and chief priests handed you over to me. What is it you have done?” ³⁶ Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.” ³⁷ “You are a king, then!” said Pilate. Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” ³⁸ “What is truth?” retorted Pilate. With this he went out again to the Jews gathered there and said, “I find no basis for a charge against him.

Matthew 27:11-14 (NIV)

¹¹ Meanwhile Jesus stood before the governor, and the governor asked him, “Are you the king of the Jews?” “You have said so,” Jesus replied. ¹² When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. ¹³ Then Pilate asked him, “Don’t you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?” ¹⁴ But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor.

Mark 15:1-5 (NIV)

Very early in the morning, the chief priests, with the elders, the teachers of the law and the whole Sanhedrin, made their plans. So they bound Jesus, led him away and handed him over to Pilate. ² “Are you the king of the Jews?” asked Pilate. “You have said so,” Jesus replied. ³ The chief priests accused him of many things. ⁴ So again Pilate asked him, “Aren’t you going to answer? See how many things they are accusing you of.” ⁵ But Jesus still made no reply, and Pilate was amazed.

I find it amazing to see the example of Jesus being so humble and lowly throughout His ministry, yet always affirming the truth in the right manner and style. Jesus had that balance and knew how to reprove, yet to be humble and lowly.

I thought it was important to post all four accounts of Jesus` trial depicted in each one of the Gospels to see that consistency in His behavior. Although all four authors of the gospels had their own style in writing and side of the story, the Bible doesn`t contradict the character of God; we still see that lowliness and firmness in God`s character.

This is something I struggle with a great deal- finding balance when expressing reprove or the truth. It makes it especially tough for me to do that when dealing with my marital issues. I have this constant battle in my head where one part of me wants to shred my husband to pieces and annihilate him with words for all the evil he`s done, and the other part of me seeks to be like Jesus and show humbleness and lowliness, so not to boast and try to prove me right or to show my side of the story. Obviously it`s the flesh and the spirit that battle, which is something that we, as Christians, face every day, and every single time we have a choice to make which side to take: flesh or the Spirit.

Last Sunday me and my husband started a 3 months counseling schedule with the pastor from the neutral Calvary church in our area that I mentioned would start in May. It`s a fairly far drive for both of us from where we live now, and since I had my daughter with me this week, I didn`t want to waste any time with her on doing this counseling. So finally I came to peace with myself that I committed to trust the Lord and to use this time to start the process of reconciliation, and I drove off for the service. I didn`t expect to feel so much pride and animosity for my husband when we started going through few scriptures as a  ground rules (the scriptures are as following: Romans 12:3; Philippians 2:1-4; 2 Corinthians 10:1-5; Philippians 4:8-9).

When I saw those scriptures, everything dropped in me because I knew that God was speaking directly to my heart- to stop concentrating on myself and to commit to allow God to do His work, which I am preventing Him from doing by my own rebellion. Every one of those scriptures that I opened I rebelled inside and tried to raise my concerns to justify my actions; inside though I knew that I had no right to argue, but I should have been like Jesus, our Lord, who suffered the worst injustice for each one of us, so I had to bite my tongue and become humble and lowly. Things didn`t help that I didn`t get a chance to open up my Bible the day before, so I wasn`t spiritually prepared to fight that battle with my flesh, and I lost. I walked out that session defeated once again by my flesh and by my desire to prove me right. Stop it! I was screaming inside; when would I learn to put God ahead of my desires, and stop hindering His plan?

I knew all too well that by concentrating on my own misery and trying to prove my case, I am hindering the work of God, and I don`t allow Him room to move. Was I not convicted of that not so long ago, yet I forgot all about that. God had to remind me that Jesus was quiet and He didn`t say anything when He was accused unjustly because He knew better than that that God will lead His truth out; however, it would be at the right time and at the right place.

I had to take a step back and make myself think about this scripture in Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV)

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I had nothing pure, noble, right, lovely, or admirable in me when arguing trying to prove my point. Even if I`m right, and even if what I meant to say was true, the way I got it across was arrogant and prideful because I was rebelling inside out when going through these scriptures. I couldn`t even look at my husband during the session especially when I saw him having Internet on his cell phone assuming the worst immediately in my head that he was probably indulging himself in all sorts of dirty things to gratify himself. I was not justified to think that because those are the types of lies Satan loves to sow in one`s head to produce rebellion against God`s word and against God`s will.

Was it not so long ago that I committed to do whatever it took to bring my husband back to the Lord, than why on earth when finally he volunteered to set up the counseling on my terms I act so capriciously? I know God had to shake me up and send me straight to His word to show me Jesus` example of behavior even during the times when He was justified to defend Himself at trial. Jesus knows how hard it is to deal with flesh especially when something so severe and damaged occurs as in my circumstances, but He also knows that our Father is bigger than that, and it`s far more rewarding to do His will rather than seeking our own.

I could wallow in self-pity, and I would be justified by the world to divorce my husband for everything he`s done, but I also know that if I chose to obey the Lord and allow Him room to do what`s necessary, in the end it would be more rewarding.

That`s why I have to make a pact with myself to bite my tongue and to keep quite just like Jesus did, just like kind Hezekiah did (Isaiah 36-37) because God would preserve the truth and reward those who are lowly. I`ve seen it happen before in my life, and I know that it always works. I just need to remember that balance to be lowly and humble, yet stand up for His truth. We see that Jesus wasn`t afraid to say the truth, but the way He said it sent Pilate back in his chambers in wonder because he couldn`t find any fault in Jesus. That`s how I need to be: although I stand for the truth and should speak it, I need to say it in such a manner that those who listen would be in wonder that things I`m accused of are unsubstantiated by the facts.

If you think that you recognize similar problems like I have, please know that God is able to give us strength and wisdom if only we seek Him first. It is crucial to dwell in His word and to fill one`s heart with His scriptures because during the battles with flesh, we need to know how to counter attack our enemy (Satan), and the scripture is one of the main weapons that we have.

Please continue to pray for me, so God gives me strength to allow Him to finish what He started in me, in my husband, in my family. Our kingdom is not of this world, just like Jesus said it, so why bother worrying what others would think of me looking so foolish by making myself lowly and humble instead of attempting to avenge myself.

Colossians 3:1-4 (NIV)

3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

I want to dwell on things that are above rather than on earthly things which only demolish any hope and faith. I know that God can and will do the impossible.