1 Kings 19:1-9 (NIV)
1 Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword.
2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”
3 Elijah was afraid[a] and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there,
4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”
5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.”
6 He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”
8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.
9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.
Whoever thinks that we, as Christians or ministers, have to be maid of iron.... When I read this story of Elijah, I see myself face to face asking God just to take my life because I am tired of all these people who are wishing me harm, who hate me, who are seeking to destroy me further including my husband. It is exhausting to fight this battle on a daily and hourly basis and continue to serve the Lord with whole heart. Sometimes, like Elijah, I just want to sit under the Broom Bush and seek death.
I think it`s amazing to see these principles that God encouraged me with through this scripture:
- Regardless of the degree/importance in ministry, we are humans and we are all made of flesh and bones; we are susceptible to weaken, to collapse, and to seek support. It is important to note that regardless of how depressed Elijah was, he still went to God and poured his heart out to Him letting God know how he really felt-- that he wanted to die, that he was hopeless although he just witnessed the most amazing miracle by God. It is important to realize that it`s not a crime to come to the Lord with negative thoughts or wrong thoughts because this is what a true relationship between friends is all about- when we are able to say everything we want and feel, and we know that we are not going to be judged. We are not saying those things to spite God or to mock Him, but to seek His help. This is exactly what Elijah did- he brought to God his heart`s concerns and fears, and God responded to him and strengthened him appropriately.
This is something that I learnt to do in the process of my trials, when I realised I could come to the Lord at any time with anything I feel because I know that He understands me and is capable to lead me into the right path if only I seek and choose to follow that. It brings the utmost closeness with the Lord like I never knew before despite all the pain and fears, and disappointments that I feel.
- Even after a strong service, Elijah collapsed although he experienced God`s mighty hand at it`s full blast after He devoured Elijah`s sacrifice and helped Elijah kill all those false priests (1 Kings 18:18-46). We tend to concentrate on our feelings and weaknesses rather than on God`s calling especially in circumstances when we`re persecuted the most.
I feel that weakness on a daily basis when I don`t have strength to go on anymore, and I just want to give up, but God`s hand always provides that support. It is so easy for us to think about ourselves rather than concentrate on the big picture and look into the future. I am just plainly scared to think about the future because it`s so unpredictable and unknown that I don`t want any false illusions, yet I know that all things work together for good to those who love God (Romans 8:28), and this is the promise that I stand on when I get this hopeless and feel like sleeping under the "Broom Bush".
- As humans we tend to fear, and we let fear drive us into the wrong direction from God`s plan. Elijah was seeking death under the Broom Bush because of that fear he had to Jezebel although God`s plan was completely different for him.
I face this fear of courts` decisions on a daily basis: what if I would lose custody, what if my record would not get expunged, what if I would loose my job, what if more bad things would happen to me, what if....
- When we collapse, God`s hand scoops us up and provides the necessary nourishment to get us going again just like with Elijah when he fell asleep under the Broom Bush hoping he would die, but instead God provided him with food and water, so he could replenish his strength to continue with God`s ministry.
This part just knocks me off my feet- to see this much of God`s love for us that regardless of how hurt, lonely, hopeless, depressed we are, God`s hand is always there to scoop us up and to pull us back together to continue with His work. He promised that He would never provide more trials than what we can endure, so this is just another promise that I stand on when I get too exhausted knowing that He provided me with that much resilience to sustain all these circumstances. What I hardhead I am! You may be laughing, but as I look at my life and everything that I went/go through, I know that if it wouldn`t be for God`s hand sustaining me, I was like Elijah seeking a Broom Bush many, many times.
- Yielding to the Lord or to continue by ourselves: Elijah had that choice whether to reject that nourishment from the Lord and to continue to wallow in self-pity and fear, or to chose to obey God, eat, replenish his strength, and follow through with the next directions God provided Elijah to do, and he selected the later.
Today is the Friday when my husband is supposed to pick up my daughter for his week with her, and this is the hardest day for me to let her go knowing that I wouldn`t see her for 7 days. This is the day when I have to tell myself that God is in control, and He is not going to put me through more than what I can endure. I have to choose whether to wallow in all my hurt, self-pity and be depressed, or to choose to continue to serve the Lord , to intercede, to to do my work, to wait upon the Lord.
God created us with free will, and He is never going to impose something against our own will. Elijah chose to eat, drink, to reinvest in his strength, so he could continue to minister the Lord regardless of how hard his time period as a prophet was. I have a choice to replenish myself with the word of God on a daily basis to make sure I sustain myself to keep me going, so I could see the victory in the end. I know God is faithful, and He is true, and He is going to bring all circumstances together for good.
It is normal for us to feel like Elijah felt when he asked for death, falling asleep under the Broom Bush (which is a toxic plant). This is just another example of the fact that God doesn`t use robots in His ministry, but He is using us- human beings, who tend to mess up, who tend to give up, who tend to be selfish rather than looking at God`s plan. I just need to remind myself that I need to make the right decision in the end to obey the Lord and to continue to follow Him regardless of how miserable my feelings are when I bring them to His feet; I know that He would only use my honesty to reveal the areas in my heart that need further work and changing.
This is where I pray like David was praying in Psalm 139:23 (NIV)
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
1 Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword.
2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”
3 Elijah was afraid[a] and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there,
4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”
5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.”
6 He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”
8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.
9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.
Whoever thinks that we, as Christians or ministers, have to be maid of iron.... When I read this story of Elijah, I see myself face to face asking God just to take my life because I am tired of all these people who are wishing me harm, who hate me, who are seeking to destroy me further including my husband. It is exhausting to fight this battle on a daily and hourly basis and continue to serve the Lord with whole heart. Sometimes, like Elijah, I just want to sit under the Broom Bush and seek death.
I think it`s amazing to see these principles that God encouraged me with through this scripture:
- Regardless of the degree/importance in ministry, we are humans and we are all made of flesh and bones; we are susceptible to weaken, to collapse, and to seek support. It is important to note that regardless of how depressed Elijah was, he still went to God and poured his heart out to Him letting God know how he really felt-- that he wanted to die, that he was hopeless although he just witnessed the most amazing miracle by God. It is important to realize that it`s not a crime to come to the Lord with negative thoughts or wrong thoughts because this is what a true relationship between friends is all about- when we are able to say everything we want and feel, and we know that we are not going to be judged. We are not saying those things to spite God or to mock Him, but to seek His help. This is exactly what Elijah did- he brought to God his heart`s concerns and fears, and God responded to him and strengthened him appropriately.
This is something that I learnt to do in the process of my trials, when I realised I could come to the Lord at any time with anything I feel because I know that He understands me and is capable to lead me into the right path if only I seek and choose to follow that. It brings the utmost closeness with the Lord like I never knew before despite all the pain and fears, and disappointments that I feel.
- Even after a strong service, Elijah collapsed although he experienced God`s mighty hand at it`s full blast after He devoured Elijah`s sacrifice and helped Elijah kill all those false priests (1 Kings 18:18-46). We tend to concentrate on our feelings and weaknesses rather than on God`s calling especially in circumstances when we`re persecuted the most.
I feel that weakness on a daily basis when I don`t have strength to go on anymore, and I just want to give up, but God`s hand always provides that support. It is so easy for us to think about ourselves rather than concentrate on the big picture and look into the future. I am just plainly scared to think about the future because it`s so unpredictable and unknown that I don`t want any false illusions, yet I know that all things work together for good to those who love God (Romans 8:28), and this is the promise that I stand on when I get this hopeless and feel like sleeping under the "Broom Bush".
- As humans we tend to fear, and we let fear drive us into the wrong direction from God`s plan. Elijah was seeking death under the Broom Bush because of that fear he had to Jezebel although God`s plan was completely different for him.
I face this fear of courts` decisions on a daily basis: what if I would lose custody, what if my record would not get expunged, what if I would loose my job, what if more bad things would happen to me, what if....
- When we collapse, God`s hand scoops us up and provides the necessary nourishment to get us going again just like with Elijah when he fell asleep under the Broom Bush hoping he would die, but instead God provided him with food and water, so he could replenish his strength to continue with God`s ministry.
This part just knocks me off my feet- to see this much of God`s love for us that regardless of how hurt, lonely, hopeless, depressed we are, God`s hand is always there to scoop us up and to pull us back together to continue with His work. He promised that He would never provide more trials than what we can endure, so this is just another promise that I stand on when I get too exhausted knowing that He provided me with that much resilience to sustain all these circumstances. What I hardhead I am! You may be laughing, but as I look at my life and everything that I went/go through, I know that if it wouldn`t be for God`s hand sustaining me, I was like Elijah seeking a Broom Bush many, many times.
- Yielding to the Lord or to continue by ourselves: Elijah had that choice whether to reject that nourishment from the Lord and to continue to wallow in self-pity and fear, or to chose to obey God, eat, replenish his strength, and follow through with the next directions God provided Elijah to do, and he selected the later.
Today is the Friday when my husband is supposed to pick up my daughter for his week with her, and this is the hardest day for me to let her go knowing that I wouldn`t see her for 7 days. This is the day when I have to tell myself that God is in control, and He is not going to put me through more than what I can endure. I have to choose whether to wallow in all my hurt, self-pity and be depressed, or to choose to continue to serve the Lord , to intercede, to to do my work, to wait upon the Lord.
God created us with free will, and He is never going to impose something against our own will. Elijah chose to eat, drink, to reinvest in his strength, so he could continue to minister the Lord regardless of how hard his time period as a prophet was. I have a choice to replenish myself with the word of God on a daily basis to make sure I sustain myself to keep me going, so I could see the victory in the end. I know God is faithful, and He is true, and He is going to bring all circumstances together for good.
It is normal for us to feel like Elijah felt when he asked for death, falling asleep under the Broom Bush (which is a toxic plant). This is just another example of the fact that God doesn`t use robots in His ministry, but He is using us- human beings, who tend to mess up, who tend to give up, who tend to be selfish rather than looking at God`s plan. I just need to remind myself that I need to make the right decision in the end to obey the Lord and to continue to follow Him regardless of how miserable my feelings are when I bring them to His feet; I know that He would only use my honesty to reveal the areas in my heart that need further work and changing.
This is where I pray like David was praying in Psalm 139:23 (NIV)
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
No comments:
Post a Comment