"Put My Tears Into Your Bottle"

Psalm 56:8-11 (NKJV)

⁸ You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book? ⁹ When I cry out to You, then my enemies will turn back; this I know, because God is for me.

¹⁰ In God (I will praise His word), in the Lord (I will praise His word),
¹¹ In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

When I read Psalm 56, I get overwhelmed by the love of God to me. How amazing it is to see Him paying such close attention to me that He knows every tear I drop, and sometimes I feel like once He filled up His jars with my tears, He recycles them right back as rain; we`ve been having lots of rain lately……. where I live. I feel like He could never have enough jars to contain all the tears I`ve shed in the past eight years, and especially in the past two years.

What a marvelous promise it is from God that He pushes back my enemies when I cry out to Him, and this is how I know that He is with me. David knew the importance of having trust in the Lord, and so do I. There is no one or nothing that I could entrust myself completely with other than my Lord.

My husband took my life and turned it inside out for public; he took out all my secrets and marred me by his twisted lies, but I have this promise from God that no man can do me any harm when my Lord is for me. He is my comfort, He is my deliverer, He is my strong tower, He is my shelter, He is my provider, He is my peace, He is my protection, He is my banner, He is my healer, He is my salvation; what`s more could I ask for?

My husband always tells our daughter: “Remember, the rule: No crying around daddy”. It makes me sick every time I hear him tell her that. How wrong it is of him to make her heart like stone, motionless, holding all the pain and stress she goes through at her toddler age all to herself. How cruel it is to tell her that. Our heavenly Father is a total opposite of that- He tells us He stores all our tears in His jar and records them in His scrolls because they are so precious and important to Him. He knows what it`s like to be rejected; He knows what it`s like to be unloved when He loves unconditionally; our God knows how to forgive the unforgiving.

As I ponder on the scriptures and work my way through the book of Job before my upcoming hearing, I am encouraged to know that God provides the victory to those who trust in Him, and this is how others find out that He is God- when He stands for His own. I am waiting to see this clear line when the unbelievers and all my husband`s friends who badmouth me for my faith and call me crazy will see this difference in the God`s court.

I will not be afraid of men because they are ashes like me, and only God can serve the justice. David knew that very well, and he reminded us of God`s faithfulness in all of his psalms when we see how God delivered David out of the hand of his enemies; every single enemy that sought his life was defeated. That`s the God I believe in. I trust in my God being a holy warrior, a mighty warrior, and He fights for me just like He fought for David.

²⁶ I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. ²⁷ And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. ²⁸ Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God. (Ezekiel 36:26-28 NIV)

God stands and collects every tear I drop, so He could comfort me and let me know that it`s normal to be human, it`s normal to have a heart of flesh rather than a heart of stone because the heart of flesh can feel and discern; the heart of flesh can be attentive to the Holy Spirit and could be conformed into the Father`s image. For the longest time I kept my tears to myself until I thought I would become a stone pillar: gracious and beautiful yet motionless and heartless, and then God showed me that I could bring my tears to His feet and take comfort in His love. That`s the God I believe in- my loving Father Who always hears me and Who is always there for me.

If you feel like you have no right to cry, I urge you to read David`s psalms and see how much he wept at the feet of the Lord to deliver him out of the hands of his enemies. David was a man, and he didn`t lose his manhood by being authentic and honest with God; he only gained credibility with God because our Father knew David`s heart.

I urge you don`t be like my husband who disallows our daughter to cry but know that every tear you drop, our Father collects it in His precious jar and stores it because He cares this much for you and me. He cares so much that He sent Jesus for each precious life to die on the cross, so we could have this relationship with Him. I am grateful to have such a gracious and merciful Father Who loves me for who I am, and He never gives up on me, but He continues to change me.