Bob Coy`s Testimony

Isn`t it amazing to see how God called some of the toughest people to reach out to in order to turn them upside down and use for His glory. This is yet another encouragement for me to know that God is not through with my family, and His hand will touch the hearts of the untouchables.

One of the things God`s been truly faithful to confirm to me through the scriptures over and over again is that all sufferings and trials have limits. They are not endless. They may seem that way, like they seem to me right now, but God`s word promises that there is a limit to how much He would allow us to suffer.

³¹ For the Lord will not cast off forever. ³² Though He causes grief, Yet He will show compassion According to the multitude of His mercies. ³³ For He does not afflict willingly, Nor grieve the children of men (Lamentations 3:31-33 NKJV).

¹³ For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself, ¹⁴ saying, “Surely blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply you.”^{[d] 15} And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise (Hebrews 6:13-15 NKJV).

Jeremiah states that our God will not cast off forever. My grief, and mourning is only temporary. Abraham had to endure in order to receive God`s promise, but there was a limit as to how long God allowed Abraham to wait for His word to come true. There are limits to trials and suffering, and I am so grateful to that! God`s using them to refine my faith, to rid me of the other clutter in my heart, and to teach me His word. This is the time when He continues to uphold me, to encourage me, and to walk closely with me.  

Listening to the story of Bob Coy who is a pastor of one of the fastest and largest growing churches; this is so powerful to see God`s word in action.

Here is the link to Bob`s testimony:

http://www.washedred.com/content/?contentID=39

God is in control, and if you think that you you have no more strength to keep going, ask Him to strengthen you, and He would be faithful to do that. He`s done that to me so many times that I can truly testify of His faithfulness. He continues to prepare me for whatever He has in store. The more trials I have to endure the more resilient and strong in my faith I become, and this is what I need in order to serve Him with my whole heart.

Reasons For Suffering

1 John 2:15-17 NKJV:

¹⁵ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

¹⁶ For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.

¹⁷ And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

This is the command from the Lord to those who claim to be His children: not to love this world. We must discipline our flesh, so not to fall into the temptation of these lusts that John describes. I have to admit that I am guilty of all three of them, and this is why I clinge to the word of God to refine me and to sanctify me on a daily basis. This is why sufferings and God`s chastening produces the result of confining our flesh into the obedience to His word. Suffering stirs hunger to seek the will of God and despair for His deliverance; it drives us closer to the Lord.

Recently I got so exhausted that I started questioning God to show me the deadline for my suffering. He reminded me of a few important things in return:

- He chastens only those whom He considers to be His children.

- He puts us through the fiery trials and sufferings to refine us and make our flesh obedient to sin no more.

- We are not of this world, so we will have tribulations and sufferings just like Jesus promised us we would.

He chastens only those whom He considers to be His children.

⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.^{[a] 7} Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? ⁸ If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all (Hebrews 12:6-8 NIV).

This is the promise from Him that if I am to be His child, I am to expect to have discipline. He disciplines us through the fiery trials and sufferings which in return produce humbling of the flesh and reduce sin in our lives. It is only those who don`t experience those trials and discipline from the Lord, they are not His children, but they are illegitimate babes. Illegitimate children have no inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

When looking at all the people who wish and attempt to harm me, I realize when reading these verses in Hebrews 12 that the only reason why they get away in doing evil is because they are not the children of God, so He doesn`t chasten them or rebuke them. Instead, He preserves to judge them in His due time.

He puts us through the fiery trials and sufferings to refine us and make our flesh obedient to sin no more.

4 Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.² As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. ³ For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.⁴ They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you.⁵ But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead (1 Peter 4:1-5 NIV).

I heard so many times from my husband and his friends in the past 8 years of my life that I have changed, that I have become a different person. I no longer drink, I became more selecting as to what I watch, and no longer do I have the same friends as I had years ago. All these things are the result of the close walk with the Lord. Living in debauchery, drunkenness, idolatry, reckless and wild living—all these things I forsook for the Lord. Sufferings perfect my flesh to humble and obey the word of God.

Sufferings bring indifference to the earthly lusts and needs. All things I count as loss because my life is for the Lord. What`s the point to live in temporary lusts when this is only for a short lived experience? What`s then? I can confidently say like Ecclesiastes said: “² “Vanity^[a] of vanities,” says the Preacher; “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 1:2 NKJV). It`s all vanity, meaningless waste of life if the life is not lived for the Lord.

We are not of this world, so we will have tribulations and sufferings just like Jesus promised us we would.

³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV)

 

²¹ You were called to this kind of endurance, because Christ suffered on your behalf. He left you an example so that you might follow in his footsteps (1 Peter 2:21 NIV).

Some days the only way I can characterize my life is: lamentations and mourning and woe (Ezekiel 2:10). I weep for the lost hearts; I lament for the broken lives; and I woe for the endless trials.

God chastens us for sanctification purposes, so we would humble sinful flesh and bring ourselves into obedience to be used by Him. Sufferings are a natural result for the followers of Christ for being not of this world. Jesus suffered unjustly, I am suffering unjustly, apostles and endless followers suffered and suffer unjustly because when we walk with the Lord, we become effective servants. With that we represent all the more threat to Satan. Satan is not interested in oppressing the lost souls because they don`t represent risk for him, but it is only those who are truly the children of God, they are the ones who strike the major blows to his plans.

Jesus overcame this world, and only in Him will we find this peace and contentment, so we need to look up to Him. He is always there for us when we suffer because He knows what it`s like to be accused unjustly or to be mocked and laughed at, so be encouraged that in Jesus is our peace.

When I think of the reasons that I suffer and the potential outcome, which is fruitful prayers that will move that mountains for the Lord, I get encouraged because I know that I am on the right path. I know that God continues to guide me with His rod and His staff. What more can I want than to remain in His will?

I encourage you today to look at your life and consider the way you look at your sufferings. Are you mad at the world and try to justify all the injustices done to you, or do you view them as a way for the Lord to refine you and to humble you to die to sinful life? God allows only limited amount of measure for suffering, and this we know for sure from endless amount of examples through the Bible when all the stories we read have an end to the sufferings people experienced. There was always a result and a victory regardless of how much time it took to get there. So hold still, remain in His will, and allow Him to guide you through the necessary portion of discipline to preserve you as His heir in the Kingdom of God. When I am down, I go back to one of my favorite Psalms:

Psalm 23

 

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

 

Weeping Or Whining

Luke 19:41-42 (NKJV):

⁴¹ Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it,

⁴² saying, “If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes.

This is something that God reminded me of today when I was listening the sermon of Jon Courson on Lamentations 3. Jeremiah wept over the destruction of Jerusalem, and Jesus wept over the destruction of Jerusalem. God`s heart is for the people, and this is the sole purpose for going through whatever hardships we have to endure in order to save at least one soul from eternal condemnation and hell. This is God`s desire, so we weep and intercede for the people, and especially for the family if they are unsaved, instead of whining.

God has really changed my heart and matured me over the past few years especially. My life has been very hard, and my trials are not over yet, but like with Jeremiah, when he was persecuted and imprisoned for saying God`s words, God used these hardships to change my heart to weep over people instead of whine over my own problems and injustices. A lot of times, as believers, we tend to think that we are entitled to the green bright street where everything is perfectly orchestrated, but that`s not true. For some of us, we have conquering lives of David and Samuel, and Solomon, and for some of us we have lives of Jeremiah, Isaiah, Zachariah, who all died by the hand of people who refused to listen to the word of God.

It really struck me today when reading the devotional by Bob Hoekstra, the way I was reminded from the scripture in Hebrews of all these people who had to suffer and were afflicted all their lives never to see the results of their weeping and prayers producing vivid results during their life time.

³⁶ Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. ³⁷ They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted,^[f] were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented— ³⁸ of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth. ³⁹ And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, (Hebrews 11:36-39 NKJV).

Bob Hoekstra wrote:

Some had to endure by faith "trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment." Jeremiah exemplifies these. "O LORD…I am in derision daily; everyone mocks me…Therefore the princes were angry with Jeremiah, and they struck him and put him in prison" (Jeremiah 20:7; 37:15). Some "were stoned." Zechariah was killed in this fashion when he gave warnings from the Lord. "So they conspired against him, and…stoned him with stones" (2 Chronicles 24:21). Some "were sawn in two." Tradition tells us that Isaiah died in this vicious manner. Some "were tempted." In the midst of their sufferings, they were further pained by enticements to ungodly responses. Job endured this through bad counsel from his own wife. "Do you still hold to your integrity? Curse God and die!" (Job 2:9). Some "were slain with the sword." King Saul ordered godly priests to be executed this way, because they were loyal to David: " '…kill the priests!' So Doeg the Edomite…killed on that day eighty-five men…." (1 Samuel 22:18). Others "wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented." By faith, these saints had to endure homelessness, poverty, distress, and harassment.

This is a reminder for me not to think that I am entitled to the green street with bright red roses laid out. Jesus wept over Jerusalem because people were so hardhearted and unyielding to His word. He was weeping of the upcoming destruction from the judgment on the city and on the people because they rejected the truth; they rejected the Lord. I am called to weep over my husband and over my unsaved family, so God would continue to battle for their lives. This is our call today: to weep instead of whine.

Jonah was a whiner because when God sent him to Nineveh to urge people to repent, he was thinking about his own distress and anger for Assyrians. He had a right to feel all that anger because they were oppressing Israelites. The part that Jonah omitted in his complaints to the Lord is the fact the Israelites were afflicted for their rejection of the Lord and going into idolatry; severe idolatry forsaking the only and true God of all. When that happens, when we forsake God, He gives us up for a while as a reprove, and Jonah is a great example of that. He was inside of the whale`s belly for 3 days and 3 nights before he repented and was given a second chance to fulfill God`s purpose.

I was like Jonah, a whiner, because for a while I chose to say: “Why?” instead of “Lord, forgive them for they do not know what they do”. I had a choice to make whether to be a weeper for the Lord interceding for His lost people, or to be a whiner and concentrate on my own pain, sorrow and injustices. I choose to be His servant and intercede for His lost sheep. I may not see the result right away or even in my lifetime; like Jeremiah was called to weep and intercede and see the destruction of the unyielding hearts, but I want to do what God calls me to do instead of living a self-concentrated life.

This is truly a miracle for me to see myself come of age so much and mature in my walk with the Lord because now I don`t even react to some of the painful things that I would blow up over before. Now, the only thing that matters to me is to be that vessel for God`s glory to save the lost souls. All the anger and hatred is simply gone from my heart. He gave me a new heart that chooses to love the unlovable instead of wishing them destruction.

I think we all have this choice whether to be the weeper for the Lord and intercede for those who are lost regardless of what they`ve done to us; or to be a whiner, like Jonah was, disobeying the word of the Lord only because he wanted his own justice. Believe it or now, but it is a lot more rewarding and joyful to intercede for those who persecute us, and defile us, and betray us rather than seek their punishment because we realize that by standing in the gap for them before the Lord, we fulfill God`s will, and when we do that, we have nothing to fear or to be ashamed of. This is when we can confidently say that the Lord is my refuge; I will not fear.

I forsook the desires of my heart and all my plans only so I could continue to pray for God`s will. God`s will for my life right now is to intercede for my husband, so he would seek the Lord with his whole heart; to pray for him, so he would submit to Jesus like I did a while ago. Everything else is vanity if in the end his soul would be lost and forever condemned.

I urge you to ask yourself whether you weep or whine in your life; whether you choose the higher calling from God; whether you choose afflictions with no end instead of temporary comfort and joy. Our lives are only so many years on this earth, and after that we will have to face God and to give account for everything we knew, yet we chose to walk our own paths. God makes us accountable for the knowledge He gives us. The media news only prove about the instability of our world today and for the upcoming return of Jesus; however, what people forget about is when Jesus returns for the second time, He will return as a Judge. I want to be able to look Him in the eyes and give full account of everything I could do, that I did it. This would be the greatest reward for me to see Jesus tell me: Well done, my friend!”

I had to make conscious choices to forgive and to reject the anger for those who betrayed me. I had to make a conscience choice to pray for those who persecute me and seek to destroy my life. I had to pray for God to replace the entire wrath that I had in my heart with His love. It was a conscious genuine choice based on the scriptures that God kept showing me over and over again. It wasn`t a one day trick, but it takes me day in and day out dwelling in His Word, praying, fasting, and battling with my thoughts taking them captive into the obedience to Christ.

These are the practical steps. There is no magic to them; they simply take devotion, surrender to the Lord, and patience. I am amazed and blessed to see the fruits of the Holy Spirit that I was so eager to see but so lacking in sacrificing of certain things in order to yield to God and His word.

If you have some hatred in your heart and anger, bitterness and resentment, I urge you to pray. I am not saying that I don`t have pain in my heart because that would be a lie. I am simply saying that I chose to obey God`s word, and it producing harvest of deliverance for me from the nets of bitterness, destruction, and unforgiveness.

Jesus gave us a new commandment:

³⁴ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. ³⁵ By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35 NKJV)

This is not just advice from the Lord, but this is a commandment to love one another and to intercede for one another. This requires genuine weeping because weeping produces sorrow and care for others (2 Corinthians 7:10). This is how others would know that we follow Jesus is when we turn the other cheek when someone strikes us. It could be emotional betrayal, physical, or financial. I was betrayed on all three of these levels, yet I choose not to surrender to Satan and give up praying for my husband because if I did that, I would have obliged Satan exactly with what he was trying to accomplish by attempting to destroy my life.

This brings me to another important aspect of the call to pray and weep for the people: we can either yield to Satan and choose sorrow for ourselves, or we can choose to overcome temporary sorrow with surrender to pray for those who persecute and hurt us. Self-pity is only self-destruction because it limits God`s work in our lives, yet it opens the door for Satan to sow lies into our hearts that we yield to by believing him in that state of mind. This is exactly what happened to me when I chose to be angry and dwell on injustices done to me. I chose self-pity and lies from Satan; I didn`t want to pray for my husband for some time. It didn`t do anything but damage and extended my trials, so I had to repent and choose to weep for the lost heart instead of whining for my own pains.

Jesus said very clearly that if we don`t do what He commands us to do, we are not His friends.

¹⁴ You are My friends if you do whatever I command you (John 15:14 NKJV).

He gave us a new commandment to love one another even when it seems impossible. God can work with the impossible when we desire Him to do that. I chose to forgive, to love, to intercede and constantly pray, to weep instead of whine for the lost hearts, and God was gracious and merciful to give me a second chance.

Jonah was given a second chance when he repented, and this is what so great about our Lord: He is the God of a second chance. If we fall and repent, He will uphold us and show us the steps to continue in His walk.

As I`m writing this, my heart is full of joy for being able to see two of my nephews and my sister whom I haven`t seen in 3 years because of our distance in where we live. Her older son, who is turning three in a couple of days, was a miracle baby and a living testimony of God doing the impossible. He was born at 26 weeks gestation because my sister had a complicated pregnancy with the worst case of preeclampsia. She had to be flown into the hospital in Arizona in order for the doctors to save her life, so they pulled her son at 26 weeks, but due to her complications, he wasn`t gaining weight, so when they pulled him he was only 13,5 inches long and 1.3 pounds in weight. She spent 4 months in the IC hospital with him and we spent days in and out in fasting and praying for his life and health. He is an absolutely gorgeous boy, very clever although he was prematurely born by 3 months, and he is absolutely healthy without any mental retardation or other health complications. When I picked them up at the airport yesterday I saw how Mighty God is for preserving his life and healing him completely of any diagnoses that doctors thought he had in the beginning and projected complications with health.

When God delivers, He delivers for good. When He heals, He heals for good. When I look at my boys, I see how mighty and faithful God is; these boys are growing up to love the Lord and to serve Him. They are kind and funny and very clever. The best break that God could give me at this tough time in my life is to have my close family with me for over a month as a constant reminder of His deliverance and redemption.

I urge you today if you have constant anger, bitterness and hatred in your heart for being justly or unjustly betrayed/abused to make a conscious decision to forgive, to love, and to pray for those who harmed you. God would be faithful to restore you; just like He`s been working with my heart. In the end, we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God, so please don`t think of yourself as anything better than those who betrayed you. Each one of us has some areas where we fall short and could never justify ourselves in the eyes of the Lord, yet Jesus stood in that gap and wept for His people; He wept for the city knowing if the people didn`t repent, they would be destroyed.

If Jesus wept out of sorrow and compassion for the people, wouldn`t we too care about those who are at least close to us, to weep for them and intercede for their hearts to accept Jesus as their Savior and surrender their lives to God completely. 

 

Raul Ries Testimony

I thought this was very powerful testimony to see that God is long patient, and He truly desires for everyone not to perish but to have an everlasting life.

Like Paul states in 1 Timothy 1:16-17 (NKJV):

¹⁵ This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.
¹⁶ However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life.

Paul was a chief sinner, and on his example, God showed His longsuffering and mercy; this is His character and ultimate goal for everyone to get saved. I am just grateful to the Lord for showing me these strong testimonies of people who seemed hopeless to the people, but never hopeless to the Lord.

Here is the link to the video of the Raul Ries Testimony and also a transcribed text for those unable to watch the video itself:

http://www.washedred.com/content/?contentID=48

http://www.somebodylovesyou.org/about/raul-ries/

God is faithful to save those who we pray for. He was faithful to save me, so I know His word is true for those who continue to pray for their loved once including me praying for my husband.

 

Costly Lessons

As I continue to pray for God to guide me and to show me the direction to assure that I am on the right path, He reminded me of a few important and valuable lessons that I`ve learned over the past years through the hardships that I`ve encountered. I am grateful that God is always willing to direct us to the right source when He sees the right motivations and desires in our hearts.

As I`ve been inconsistent in my walk with the Lord throughout my life since the day I got saved, I had to really bud heads and suffer a lot as a consequence of my own stubbornness. It`s good to have perseverance but not stubbornness because perseverance shows determination, and stubbornness shows unyielding attitude. Perseverance could be directed towards God`s plan, but stubbornness most of the time has to do with pride. I had to learn it the hard way.

The main 5 lessons that I`ve learned from my walk with the Lord are:

1. There is no God beside Him

2. There is no place for lukewarmness in believer`s life

3. The greatest sin is pride; it is lethal

4. God is faithful: you will reap what you sow

5. God rewards those who follow Him

Isaiah 44:6 (NKJV):

⁶ “Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel, And his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: ‘I am the First and I am the Last; Besides Me there is no God.

1. There is no God beside Him. I`ve gone astray so many times creating every possible idol I could come up with in the image of people as substitute for my reliance and trust in the Lord. God really had to uproot even the hint of the idea of doing that again.

For as long as I lived, I`ve always tried to find an easy way out: trusting in my aunt to help me to get good grades in school (she passed away when I was one year from graduating in high school; she was only 47 years old); trusting my sister to deal with the problems (at some point after our immigration, we parted our ways for over a year), trusting my husband with everything and relying on him completely (I knew that since he was so good with finances, he always took care of everything, and I never bothered to ask God for anything other than blessings); trusting in myself to drive my ambition to get the career I wanted (I came very close in getting the job I wanted all my life, but the consequences of those sins brought consequences preventing my dream to come true).  

All these idols God uprooted in my life every single time when I steered to trust in people rather than in Him; He took away those people out of my life, so He could direct me towards Him. Some of you might ask: what`s the problem trusting your husband with finances? There is no problem with that if the ultimate reliance and assurance is in the Lord that He would provide, but that wasn`t the case with me. I placed my husband on the pedestal of the most holy man who trotted the place of the earth. I didn`t want to deal with the stress of the daily world, so I trusted he would handle all our issues. That was so wrong! It made me lukewarm and I forsake the Lord.

Revelation 3:15-19 (NKJV):

¹⁵ “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. 

¹⁶ So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot,^[g] I will vomit you out of My mouth. 
¹⁷ Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked— 
¹⁸ I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see. 
¹⁹ As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent.

2. There is no place for lukewarmness in believer`s life. I had to repent so many times, and even today for becoming lukewarm instead of carrying the torch of God`s truth, love, and mercy. This problem plagued me for many times as I backslid in my walk with the Lord. I would get distracted with the riches of this world; get captured by all this miniature idols that I would create: my ambition, my husband, my career, my pride, and slowly but surely these things took me away from the Lord. I became hardhearted and disobedient to the Lord. The outer look had a deceitful mirage of good looks, but the inner shell was rotting away in guilt and horrible loneliness.

Only God can fill the void because He created us that way. The purpose of our creation was to worship Him and nobody else. When we create idols, we become prideful, and we become lukewarm. That`s why God reinforces the scripture of warning us to steer away from being in the mode of indifference. He knows it`s lethal not just to our relationship with the Lord, but to ourselves because it makes us spiritually blind. That in itself causes us to sin because we no longer discern right from wrong and become accustomed to justifying indulgencies. I, like no one else, had a firsthand experience with that.

I would get what I want by any price and justify that by potential “good” it would bring. I played “god” by attempting to “fix” the main issues when they all had to do with submitting to the Lord first. So wrong, so prideful!

James 4:5-6 (NKJV):

⁵ Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? ⁶ But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:“God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”^[c]

Ezekiel 16:49-50 (NIV):

⁴⁹ “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. 
⁵⁰ They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen.

3. The greatest sin is pride; it`s lethal. It prompts us to refuse acknowledging our own sins, which leads us in bypassing the grace of God and the ultimate precious sacrifice of Jesus` blood. Pride makes us harden hearts, and God hates pride. Satan fell from his position as being one of the most important archangels because he wanted to be like God. His pride destroyed him.

God destroyed Sodom because of their prideful hearts and arrogant overfed hearts. Pride makes us indifferent towards other people; we become blind to their pain and uncaring towards their lives. I became like that too at some point. I stopped caring about the problems of others if that was anything other than my family (close and distant family), when God only cares about the human hearts, and so they don`t get destroyed. God yearns to give every possible opportunity for us to repent, so we wouldn`t inherit Satan’s outcome, but pride makes us blind in understanding and accepting that.

Pride makes us bitter, angry, and arrogant. I chose to be prideful and unyielding instead of humbling myself with whatever cost to show God`s love towards the unlovable and forgiveness towards the unforgiving. The root of bitterness was devouring me from inside out (Hebrews 12:15). The root of bitterness defiles not only me but those who surround me.

Once again, I had to repent and reject any idea of pride even if it made me look weak in the eyes of the world. Jesus was meek and lowly, and He told us to learn from Him. I think this is the hardest thing to do: to turn the other cheek when someone strikes you and especially if that someone is the closest person you thought ones was.

My dear friend told me recently that she was hurting by watching me “bleed” emotionally by turning the other cheek over and over again and allowing myself to be hurt. I had to answer the same fact God showed me so graciously through the sermon by Jon Courson: I cannot have compassion and peace beyond the understanding at the same time. What I have now is a consequence of sin that I allowed in my life, that I committed myself. God didn`t bring those consequences, but I did. I only need to hold on to His word, so I could persevere in His truth rather than collapsing once again and backslide into the abyss of pride and seizing control into my own hands instead of allowing the Lord to battle for me.

Regardless of how painful it is right now, and how much I “bleed” emotionally, God`s been faithful to preserve me and to direct my path. I only need to stay the course.

There would always be a temptation to look back, which I face every day, and remember only the “good” things desiring to go right back to that, but that`s a lie and a mirage from Satan. My life was nothing but a deceit walking away from the Lord over the past few years. I`ve returned to the Lord, and I face pressure of temptation to say: “It`s not worth fighting for”, but that`s not true. God`s word showed us that He will not be mocked. He promises us the fruit of our sown seeds; I just need to press on and continue to sow the good seeds.

Galatians 6:7-9 (NKJV):

⁷ Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 

⁸ For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 

4. God is faithful: you will reap what you sow. I can vouch you to confirm how much this is true. I`ve sown the seeds of pride and disobedience to the Lord, the sin of idolatry and rejecting the Lord, and I reaped destruction and complete desolation.

I was taken to the worst desert place I could imagine only so the Lord could speak to me and help me climb out of this bottomless pit of sin.

I am endlessly grateful to the Lord that He didn`t give up on me because He loves us so much. He started reminding me His crucial character traits: love and mercy. I surrendered my life to Him once and for all regardless of the steep price that I`m paying. I know He is faithful to complete the promise of rewarding me with my family “many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life”, but I have to hold on to the truth and abide in Him.

Luke 18:29-30 (NIV):

²⁹ “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 

³⁰ will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

5. God rewards those who follow Him. This is it; the ultimate goal of our creation- following the Lord whenever He leads us and living for Him. Jesus said it in all four gospels to confirm the importance of this message. We were bought by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, and we are not our own. I belong to the Lord.

Some days I feel abandoned by God because I don`t see the shift in my circumstances and feel empty, but that`s just another lie from Satan. I know that God doesn`t sit still while He watches me suffer and weep day in and day out. He engraved my name on the palms of His hands, so He is right here with me; He comforts me and upholds me; He delivers me and sustains me; He guides me and directs me. My God is Almighty, and He provides a way when there is no way.

I may feel empty and hopeless some days, but I know that these are only emotions because the truth says the opposite; God`s word says the opposite. I just have to hold on to the facts of His word and not to the emotions because emotions destroy faith. If I allow myself to paint pretty pictures that don`t come true, it only provokes to destroy my faith. This is not what God wants me to do because I have to walk by faith and not by sight.

I had to repent in being idolatrous, prideful, and lukewarm, in sowing the seeds of destruction, in rejecting the Lord. I had to surrender everything to the feet of Jesus and ask Him to rule my life. I don`t want to be in charge of it anymore myself.

If there is anything that I`d like to emphasize, it would be these fine main lessons for everyone to see and understand the meaning of them. I wish others would learn on my mistakes and learn from them rather than making their own. Please know that I`m paying a price for living in sin for a very long time, but after repenting, God starts to bring it all back in the right place. It takes time, patience and obedience to the Lord. It takes complete surrender, but the result worth the run. I am looking forward to facing God one day and telling me that I made it to the finish line, that I was able to glorify His name.