"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still"

Exodus 14: 10-18 (NIV)

¹⁰ As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. ¹¹ They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? ¹² Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”

¹³ Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

¹⁵ Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. ¹⁶ Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. ¹⁷ I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. ¹⁸ The Egyptians will know that I am the LORD when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”

This is an amazing principal that God showed me today. I am in awe as to how amazing and great He is and the way He blesses me and my family. God reminded me once again that this is not my battle, but His battle that I`m going through, and all I need to do is to be “still”, so the Lord could fight for me. One of the main ways to find out of you are following the Lord`s will and His truth is if you bear fruit. As I was looking around my apartment and at all the gift certificates that we received from the church that we don`t even know, we see how God multiplies His blessings upon us and gives us everything that we need in a most miraculous way. we`ve been getting gifts from people whom we don`t know, and God just brings them into our lives through different acquaintances. It is amazing to know that although it`s a tough going, but I am on the right way seeking His will and searching to follow His truth.

What I`m going through right now is a literal Exodus out of “Egypt”—that slavery that I placed myself in the past 8 years of my relationships with my husband. I submitted to that sinful life on my own accord, and I lived in sin in the past 8 years regardless of how many times I tried to get free. I got to the point when I started to find out more and more lies about my husband and the way he chooses to live in sin when I chose to depart from sin and live for God once and for all.

As we see in this scripture: Israelites complained to God that He brought them into the desert and they thought they would just be left there to die, but when God does something, He finishes it to the end and He brings His glory into circumstances. As I go through this "desert" of trials, He continues to provide for me and miraculously apply enough grace and mercy to sustain me through each day.

In the last week and a half, not only did I get a really nice apartment in the area where I wanted to be, but I got free furniture, pots, pans, all the necessary kitchen appliances, dishes, and yesterday hundreds of dollars in gifts certificates from one church that I never even heard of from the area. The mother of my cousin`s classmate told her church`s our situation, and they decided to bless us with hundreds of dollars in groceries, clothes, department stores, etc. It`s been amazing the way God has provided for us through all sorts of people whom we don`t even know. His blessings are just being poured upon us to sustain us in our trials.

Every day I pray to be grateful and praise the Lord for everything that He does, so I don`t act like one of these Israelites, who lacked faith in God to preserve them throughout desert, before He brought them into the Promised Land. I believe what God is doing is leading me out of “Egypt”—this slavery of sin, and He hardens my husband`s heart (that Pharaoh) in order to reveal His glory in the end. My husband continues to harden his heart, and he hardly lets me see our daughter, but I know that God has a reason for everything. He is going to pour out His judgment at the right time and bring out His glory in my circumstances just like He did with Israelites when He parted the Red sea for them and delivered them out of the hand of the Pharaoh.

I keep reminding myself to be still and to trust in the Lord, so He could bring out His deliverance and fight for me. I am very afraid to loose custody, but the Lord is Almighty, and He will protect me and my daughter out of the hand of my enemies and all the evildoing.

I think the following important principals that I keep reminding myself are the following:

-          Satan will also try to entrap and enslave those who trust in the Lord

-          Satan will also attempt to scare those who believe the Lord is the deliverance and a Strong Tower

          It is important not to blasphemy the name of the Lord or to complaint, but to trust He will bring the outcome of the circumstances for the better. He`s done it throughout the Bible examples, and His character testifies to us of His faithfulness in that

-          My job is to be “still” and not to be afraid, and He will deliver me out of the hand of the “Pharaoh” although it seems like an endless desert to me now.

-          God is faithful to grant victory to those who rely upon Him.

I choose to trust in the Lord and to testify of His glory because everywhere I look in my house, I see His hand on me and on my family. It`s a tough going, but God has a reason for the timing, and He will do everything in the right time. It is excruciatingly painful for me to drop off my daughter at my husband`s house every time I get a glimpse of time with her, but I know that God will restore all this missing time with her and He will bond me with her regardless of what satan is trying to do now.

"God Does Not Preserve The Life Of The Wicked"

Job 36: 5-15 (NKJV)

⁵“ Behold, God is mighty, but despises no one; He is mighty in strength of understanding.
⁶ He does not preserve the life of the wicked, But gives justice to the oppressed.
⁷ He does not withdraw His eyes from the righteous; But they are on the throne with kings, For He has seated them forever,  And they are exalted.
⁸ And if they are bound in fetters, Held in the cords of affliction,
⁹ Then He tells them their work and their transgressions— That they have acted defiantly.
¹⁰ He also opens their ear to instruction, And commands that they turn from iniquity.
¹¹ If they obey and serve Him, They shall spend their days in prosperity,  And their years in pleasures.
¹² But if they do not obey, They shall perish by the sword,  And they shall die without knowledge.^[a]
13“But the hypocrites in heart store up wrath; They do not cry for help when He binds them.
¹⁴ They die in youth, And their life ends among the perverted persons.^[b]
15 He delivers the poor in their affliction, And opens their ears in oppression.

As I was reading through the book of Job yet for another time, I saw this scripture, and I started to cry out to God to take away my afflictions and hardships. I already repented in everything that I could think of, and I know that my situation is only making me stronger in Christ. I have no choice but to trust in Him; He is all I got.

Over a month ago, me and my husband we had a fight over him trying to take our small daughter to the church with him; to the place where I have never been before and expressed my concern. After he ignored me and my pleading with him not to take her to that unknown place and dumping her in the back with people whom we don`t know, he took away my keys and was blocking my door imprisoning not to leave the house with our child. This is the second time he was doing that to me except this time, he learnt to hide my keys away, so I would not be able to escape him like I did the last time, and I didn`t have my aunt with me to help me to get my daughter out of the house into the car with us. After a few attempts to escape him through the backdoor of the house and then running back to the front door of the house, I was unsuccessful, and each time I was faced by his body blocking my exit. After I tried to push him out of the way to leave the house with the child, he didn`t let me do that, and instead took away, by then crying baby, starting to walk to the kitchen. Shortly after that he called police arresting me in "assault" when I tried to push him out of the way in my attempt to escape him out of the house. That same day police arrested me and imprisoned me overnight since I had no money to pay for bail I had to stay overnight until my cousins got me out. When I got out, I could not contact my husband, and he played it to his advantage kicking me out of the house and retaining our daughter although he had no custody or a right to the house. As I am facing "criminal" charges for self-defense, I am isolated from my house, from my child, and from my family (since I cannot leave the area until the trial is over).

Throughout this time, God preserved me and encouraged me with His scriptures, but I am desperate for this nightmare to be over. When I read this scripture in Job where God clearly said: "He does not withdraw His eyes from the righteous; But they are on the throne with kings, For He has seated them forever, And they are exalted." (verse 7). God is faithful, and He is going to protect me in what is coming: I have a custody filing upcoming over my daughter in order for me to get her back because my husband would not allow me to see her on a daily basis. In his last email to my cousin he indicated that I would only be able to see her every other weekend although he has no custody over her, and if technically I could take her and not return her to him. I made a decision not to play his dirty games, and instead I pray that God will grant me a full legal right to keep our daughter, if this is His will, but I will not do anything dirty only because I have that option because it will restrict God from fighting for me. God never blesses anything unrighteous or unholy, and I don`t want to be unworthy testimony of His name, so I am waiting pleading to grant me patience every day.  

I pray that whatever I have done in the past, since I have repented in my old ways and am no longer a prodigal, I pray that God protects me in the court, and He will do a miracle against all my husband`s evildoing. He continues to claim that I am "crazy" presenting all sorts of twisted facts from the past, but then as I read the Bible, I see how many times the disciples and prophets have been persecuted for saying "crazy things", and I realize that if Jesus went through this kind of persecution, so would those who truly believe in Him and desire to live for Him.

I made a decision not to compromise with sin anymore and to live my life for the Lord, and immediately after that satan attepts to destroy me in all possible ways: take away my house, my daughter, ruin to the ground my marriage, and cause financial endless debt. I trust in the Lord that He will preserve me in all this mess, and He will show His glory and judgement to all the wickedness that takes place.

God blessed me with a nice apartment (the only place that I was approved to rent by His mercy), and He blessed me with necessary furniture and all the other basics to have at home, so I didn`t have to buy any of that. He is good all the time, and He knows the right time for everything. This scripture in Job is very encouraging of a testimony of the God`s character. He would never side with evildoers, or bless their deeds. he is going to preserve the ways of the righteous and wouldn`t let them fall.

"An Open Door That No One Can Shut"

Revelation 3:8-10 (NIV)

⁸ I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. ⁹ I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. ¹⁰ Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth.

When I read this scripture, I was very encouraged by this God`s word. Whichever door He shuts--it stays shut, and whicever door He opens- stays opened. I was getting frustrated because I couldn`t rent an apartment since my criminal record kept coming up, and the more denials I kept getting, the more hopeless I was becoming. The only reply from God that I kep getting was: "Wait, wait". I couldn`t sit still, and despite His command to wait, I kept trying to get through the door, but it was shut. It wasn`t until yesterday when it became critical for me to get an apartment that God opened that door in the right area for me to get approved for a good place. Our God is Jehova Jireh (Genesis 22:141), and He trully provides a way out when there is no other way just like He did with Abraham when he was going to sacrifice his only son Isaac to God. God stopped him from killing his only son, and instead gave him a lost lamb that Abraham found in the bush to sacrifice in replacement for his son. This story declares God`s character-- God provides a way when we need it, and He does it in the most miraculous way.

Another important principle that He showed me in this scripture is the way He reveals His truth and His trials. It is very depressing for me to know that my husband being a liar and a hypocrat that he is got it all right now: our house, our daughter whom he hardly lets me see, our car, a lot more money, yet God promised that: "I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you." (verse 9) My husband claiming to be a "christian" that "Jew" who is a liar continues to do evil, and God will bring His judgement in my circumstances. He is going to reveal that all I ever wanted was to live for Him and to have a trully christian family serving the Lord.

I also know that when God promises to keep me safe for keeping His word, He will truly do that. Just the way He saved Peter in Acts 12, I know that He is going to save me out of the hand of all evildoers:

¹ It was about this time that King Herod arrested some who belonged to the church, intending to persecute them. ² He had James, the brother of John, put to death with the sword. ³ When he saw that this met with approval among the Jews, he proceeded to seize Peter also. This happened during the Festival of Unleavened Bread. ⁴ After arresting him, he put him in prison, handing him over to be guarded by four squads of four soldiers each. Herod intended to bring him out for public trial after the Passover. ⁵ So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him. ⁶ The night before Herod was to bring him to trial, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries stood guard at the entrance. ⁷ Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up. “Quick, get up!” he said, and the chains fell off Peter’s wrists. ⁸ Then the angel said to him, “Put on your clothes and sandals.” And Peter did so. “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me,” the angel told him. ⁹ Peter followed him out of the prison, but he had no idea that what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision. ¹⁰ They passed the first and second guards and came to the iron gate leading to the city. It opened for them by itself, and they went through it. When they had walked the length of one street, suddenly the angel left him. ¹¹ Then Peter came to himself and said, “Now I know without a doubt that the Lord has sent his angel and rescued me from Herod’s clutches and from everything the Jewish people were hoping would happen.” (Acts 12:1-12 NIV)

God is faithful to those who love Him, and even though He puts us through tirals, but it is only for the purpose of making us stronger in Christ. I know that only God can make any changes to my circumstances and grant me the victory; it could never be attorneys, or people, or money, but it is that door that only God can either open, and it will stay opened, or He will close it, and it will remain closed until He decies so.

I am very encouraged by all the scriptures that I read now because I experience the word of God as live as never before especially when I read about all the hardships that Jesus, deciples, prophets, and others went through. I know that God is faithful, and He is doing a mighty testimony in my life, so that others may see how great is He and Almighty.

Have You "Wearied The Lord"?

Malachi 2: 17 (NKJV)

¹⁷ You have wearied the LORD with your words; yet you say,  “ In what way have we wearied Him?” In that you say,  “ Everyone who does evil  is good in the sight of the LORD,  and He delights in them,”  or, “Where is the God of justice?”

This is one of the scriptures that God showed me today when I was praying, and I had to look at myself and repent. Although I go through the Valley of Death, but I know that God is just, and I need to continue to remind myself of that. I had to repent before God for questioning Him as to why He allowed this kind of injustice in my life: my husband betrayed me on all levels, took away our house, our daughter, financially abandoned me, forced me into continuous endless debt, yet God is in control of all this. I had to repent and to remind myself that God is in control of everything that`s going on, and He will reveal His truth and justice in the right time.

I have no right to question Him or to blame Him for "rewarding" the evildoing of my husband. It seems like my husband won everything on every level, and he continues to get rewarded with all the wishes that his heart desires, but God looks at all this, and He knows that His judgement is coming soon; it will reveal His glory to everyone who doubted His hand on everything.

Another scripture that God showed me was also in Malachi in the earlier verses:

 ¹³ And this is the second thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears,  with weeping and crying;  so He does not regard the offering anymore,  nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.  ¹⁴ Yet you say, “For what reason?”  Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth,  with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.  ¹⁵ But did He not make them one,  having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one?  He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.  ¹⁶“ For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the LORD of hosts.  “ Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”  (Malachi 2:13-16 NKJV)

I know that God will reward me according to my faith and persistance to do what`s true in His eyes. I also know that God will judge between me and my husband for all the trecherous things that he`s been doing and continues to do. I don`t know anyone who could be so violent, cruel, and heartless, yet he continues to go to his church where he finds plenty of support for his actions. Satan had a way to lay and prepare so many circumstances against me that anyone who would have looked in my situation, they would have had no reason not to side with my husband and to believe him. I am grateful for so many people who know the truth and who have been my encouragement and support through this horrible persecution. All I have to endure this for is because I wanted to stand on the truth to serve the Lord and to follow what`s written in His word instead of living as a prodigal daughter in endless buttomless sin.

He encouraged me with this scripture in Matthew where Jesus said:

³⁴ “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. ³⁵ For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; ³⁶ and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’^{[e] 37} He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. ³⁸ And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. ³⁹ He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. (Matthew 10:34-39 NKJV)

I had to give up my family, my household, my daughter, my life, and it`s a very painful thing to do. I neever thought I would have to argue with myself to choose between God and my daughter, but He promised that He would return her to me, and I believe His promise. This is the only prospect that keeps me going-- knowing that God will return me my daughter.

Thank you again for all your prayers; please continue to pray for me that God will reveal His glory and justice and shorten my trials. I miss my daughter to no extent; it is the most excruaciating pain that I ever had to endure-- not being able to see her at days on hand.

"Fire Tests The Quality Of Each Person`s Work"

1 Corinthians 3:11-15 (NIV)

¹¹ For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹² If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, ¹³ their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. ¹⁴ If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. ¹⁵ If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

God showed me this scripture yesterday when I found out that my husband is kicking my aunt and her son out of our house. My aunt has been a babysitter for my daughter, and that was my only way of knowing what is going on with my daughter because my husband refuses to coordinate for me to see her and keeps me away from the house. As he continues to do evil, I know that God will reveal the quality of his work and my work.

All I ever wanted to have was christian family that would serve God, and I tried my best to bring my husband to the Lord. I never cared much about money, or the luxuries of this world, and throughout my life God`s been taking me to the higher and higher level of having faith in impossible. Although my husband started going to one church, he is contradicting with his actions what`s written in the Bible.

The hardest challenge for me right now is to trust in the Lord with all my heart and know that He will try all the work, and He will bring all the truth out. I cannot do evil for evil; I only continue to pray that God would bring my husband to his knees and his repentance will change the cour direction of our relationships. Right now he is playing dirty games by taking away my daghter from me, and it is a very hard challenge for me not to take him to the court for that. I have no money to do that, and I know that it would be wrong to do because I don`t want to testify against him. I believe that God`s judgement is more powerfull and faithful than any judge on this earth could rule. My hope and trust is in the Lord, and I know that although I am going through the toughest circumstances-- being homeless, penniless, facing criminal charges, endless slenderous accusations from my husband, his family and his friends, I know that God is faithful and mighty to change all that.

God is going to reward me only if I stand firm to the end on His truth to follow His word. It takes all the faith that I have and don`t have, but God is showing me the power of prayer right now. He is teaching me to obey His word, His truth, and He is raising my faith for all the glory that I can bring Him.

Please continue to pray for me and for my husband to soften his heart and to repent in everything that he is doing. He is not thinking about well-being of our daughter, and that breaks my heart to pieces over and over again waking up every day and not knowing what is going on with her and when will I see her again.

God Is In Control

As I went to the court today to discuss a mutual protectice order of me against my husband and him against me, I had a few scriptures that God gave me in the past few days as I was seeking His will regarding what to do in the court today.

The first scripture was Isaiah 36 (the whole chapter) where it says in the first few verses:

¹ In the fourteenth year of King Hezekiah’s reign,^[a] King Sennacherib of Assyria came to attack the fortified towns of Judah and conquered them. ² Then the king of Assyria sent his chief of staff^[b] from Lachish with a huge army to confront King Hezekiah in Jerusalem. The Assyrians took up a position beside the aqueduct that feeds water into the upper pool, near the road leading to the field where cloth is washed.^{[c] 3} These are the officials who went out to meet with them: Eliakim son of Hilkiah, the palace administrator; Shebna the court secretary; and Joah son of Asaph, the royal historian (Isaiah 36:1-3, NKJV).

The Assyrian king`s chief of staff was authorized to threaten and to "negotiate" the conditions of the Judea`s captivity. The king Hezekiah heard out the speach and all the conditions, and he ordered to everyone to be quite and not to respond to the speach. Later on, he went to the temple and prayed to God as to what to do, and so God would deliver him out of the hand of Assyrian king (and in the end God did).

²¹ But the people were silent and did not utter a word because Hezekiah had commanded them, “Do not answer him.” (Isaiah 36:21)

The main few points that jumped at me in my situation was:

-I had no right to rely on my attorneys beause they are just as much flesh and ashes as me (God sais in Isaiah 36 not to rely on Egypt, and in my situation attorney was relying on Egypt).

- The next important point for me was to keep my mouth shut and not to testify against my husband regardless of how much I wanted to say the truth. I had to do the opposite-- to drop all the charges against him, and I had to let God defend me and deal with my husband.

- In the end, Assyrian king when he returned home, he was killed by his own sons, and in my situation, I expect that my husband`s reputation and pride would be dismounted by his own kean, his own friends, his job, etc., but it would not be by me.

As I came to the court, and I told my attorney that I would drop the charges for the protective order, my husband wanted to go for a hearing and claim the house, custody of our daughter, car, etc. After numerous negotiations tempting me to comply to move back to the house under the mutual protective order "not to abuse each other", I declined it as I knew that I had to drop the charges altogether, and if I agreed to the conditions of the negotioans, than I would have had to keep my protective order against my husband. In addition, I knew that it was only a trick that my husband was playing against me, so he could provoke me with the first possible opportunity and get me arrested again.  

All I kept on saying was that I was dropping the charges against my husband regardless of what he did and whether he continued to file the charges against me. After a few more attempts to negotiate and scare me with the possible outcome of losing my daughter`s custody for a long period of time, I stayed faithful to God and I kept my faith in what He showed me to do. He honored that in return, and my husband dropped the protective order charges in return.

In chapter 36:8-10 of Isaiah, the chief of staff for Assyrian king tried to mock and tempt with the similar negotiations that I had to deal with today:

⁸ “I’ll tell you what! Strike a bargain with my master, the king of Assyria. I will give you 2,000 horses if you can find that many men to ride on them! ⁹ With your tiny army, how can you think of challenging even the weakest contingent of my master’s troops, even with the help of Egypt’s chariots and charioteers? ¹⁰ What’s more, do you think we have invaded your land without the Lord’s direction? The Lord himself told us, ‘Attack this land and destroy it!’”

Instead, I chose to stick to what God showed me to do, and that was to drop the charges against my husband and let God deal with Him. All the charges that my husband keeps on pressing against me, God would help me fense off, but I have to stay blameless as much as I can and regardless of how much my husband continues to drive me into the ground.

Another scripture that God showed me prior to today`s court hearing was in 1 Peter 3:13-18

¹³ Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? ¹⁴ But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats^[b]; do not be frightened.”^{[c] 15} But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, ¹⁶ keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. ¹⁷ For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. ¹⁸ For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit. (NIV)

As long as I continue to do what`s good and what is right in the eyes of the Lord, God is in complete control of everything that is going on regardless of whether I feel that way or not. I just have to keep on reminding myself that God is in Control.

I am yet to hear about what is going on with my psychological evaluation because this is something that I want to do in order to prove my husband wrong and to stop his slendering my reputation and argument over physical custody of our daughter. I am yet to face the criminal court and to fight for my freedome, but I know that God is in control, and all I have to do is to continue to seek Him and to seek His word and His truth.

For all of you who prayed for me, thank you! Prayers always work, and god is good!!!

Prayer Request

If you wonder why I haven`t written in so long, that is because I`ve been fighting for my daughter all this time. My husband stripped me off the house, our 21 months old daughter, and drained me financially. I am homeless, without any hope to see my baby ever again, and I am broke beyond any comprehension.

All in all, I keep asking God--Why? I was trying to protect my daughter from the possible harm, but instead I ended up in jail by my own husband. It`s been over two weeks, and to this day I still can`t comprehend that he could do something like that to me. I have never met anyone this cruel in my life. Everyone who tried to reaosn with him and plead, had no chance, and he continues to press charges against me for something that was self-defense when he trapped me inside of the house with the child.

I keep asking God for guidance and scriptures to sustain me, and one of the main scriptures that He gave me a few months back that He continues to reiterate is in Nahum:

 ¹³ For now I will break off his yoke from you,and burst your bonds apart.” (Nahum 1:13 NKJV)

I am literally facing criminal court (just like my husband does), and he refuses to drop the charges against me. At this point I feel like Joseph who is going to be thrown in prison for something that I wasn`t guily of doing while my husband would continue to trot blamelessly for all the evil he continues to commit.

I know I have to trust in the Lord because He is my only hope, and my husband right now holds all the cards; although he continues to reiterate that everything is up to me. I don`t know what will happen next Monday on 11/28/11 when the final hearing will decide whether to grant me my house, my daughter, or whether it would be my husband who`s gonna get everything.

I have no more money left for attorney`s services to appeal into the higher court, and only God`s mercy can save me at this moment. I hope that one day when my daughter grows up, she will know that I fought for her and did everything I could to get her back and to raise her in God`s word.

Please pray for me, so God grants me the custody of my daughter, and His truth would come out as a victory. I have no means to rent an apartment, and I don`t know how much longer the hospitality of my distant acquantance would last longer. I still have my job and my supervisor`s understanding, so at least I have that.

Reality Of Being Forgiven

As I am working through the Gospel of Luke and John now, I came to read one of my favorite passages in Luke 15:11-32, the proverb of a prodigal son. This story tells us so much about our Father`s character, and what He is willing to do only if we make that first step to turn to Him.

It is said in verses 11-24 (NIV):

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

It`s important to note that it didn`t take long for the younger son to gather all the inheritance and to be on a way out. Some of us are like that: we come to God, get saved, accept all His grace and goodness, and love, and then once we got all the inheritance, we are on a way out to keep on living however we want. It doesn`t take us long to “squander” all this inheritance and become needy once again because without God there is no fullness in life.

My life was empty when I tried to live a self-pleasing life. Self-indulgence only works to a certain extent, but with that the degree of loneliness and emptiness never disappears. I think it`s important for us to recognize the reality of God`s love for us to know that He always stays faithful to us, waiting for us to come back to Him, so He could make that feast in one`s honor. That`s the nature of God—He longs for relationship with his children.
Another important thing to note here is that the younger son “came to his senses” when he decided to come back to his Father. When we live in sin, we lose our senses, just like it says in Psalm 81:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 5:5 (please refer to the article on Sobriety Check-Point) that one is given to the desires of heart`s lusts. Sin makes us deaf to convictions of the Holy Spirit, and the further astray one goes, the deafer one becomes to hear God`s voice to repent. That`s why we see that the younger son had to “come to his senses”; he was so lost without God in his life, not having anything left for him to live for, and those circumstances drove him back to his Father. I think the scriptures both in Psalm 81:12 and in 1 Corinthians 5:5 point to exactly that cycle: unless one is given up to his heart`s lust, one would not be able to see that emptiness, futility, and “come to his senses”. Sometimes it`s the only way to get one saved, is to live one alone until that sinful nature brings out that despair of hopelessness, emptiness, and regret. I went through that cycle, and I observe how someone else goes through it now also.
Once the younger son came to his sense, he realized that he didn`t deserve anything, and that is the ultimate point of repentance and regret. I think it`s impossible to truly repent without that brokenness; otherwise, it`s not genuine. God always looks at one`s heart and searches for that contrite spirit, that humbleness, and if it`s not there, than there is no genuineness in repentance (verse 21). This is what Isaiah and David wrote:

¹ This is what the LORD says: “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. Where is the house you will build for me? Where will my resting place be? ² Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the LORD. “These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word. (Isaiah 66:1-2 NIV)

¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is^[a] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise (Psalm 51:17 NIV)

¹⁵ For this is what the high and exalted One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. (Isaiah 57:15 NIV)

That brokenness and desire to know Him is what drives us to repent. I hated that emptiness and sense of wasted life when I lived in sin. I prayed that these scriptures would become alive in my life because it`s the only way to please our Lord—to have that meekness, contrite spirit, to tremble at His word.

Our Father will accept anyone who is willing to come to Him, and He will forgive. It is interesting how Jesus mentions that “this son of mine was dead and is alive again” (verse 24) because when we sin, we are dead in our trespasses, and the punishment for that is hell. When we repent, we rise up from the “dead” with Jesus, we become alive again; we become inheritors of the Heavenly Kingdom. The truth is so overpowering to even think that someone unworthy like me, who was “dead in my sins”, became alive again through His forgiveness and mercy, through acceptance of Jesus blood shed on the cross for me. Jesus blood washes away all of our sins if only we come to Him with our “senses”. The repentance has to be genuine, with contrite spirit and brokenness because it`s the only place where we can understand the reality of our worthless sinful nature and the need for Jesus` sacrifice.

Our Father would make a feast in your honor if only you would hearken to Him and come to your senses. If you fill like you lost track in your life and you need to come back because you squandered all that inheritance from Father: His love, forgiveness, mercy, grace, then I urge you to pray to Him and repent just like this younger son did. God`s love is forever, and He stays faithful to us even when we don`t.

Wait Upon The Lord

Habakkuk 2:1-2 (NLT)

¹ I will climb up to my watchtower
      and stand at my guardpost.
   There I will wait to see what the Lord says
      and how He^[a] will answer my complaint.

 ² Then the Lord said to me,

   “Write my answer plainly on tablets,
      so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.

These two verses contain a few very important concepts that God pointed out to us. First of all, when we need His answer, we have to stand at the guard and wait for His answer. Second of all, when we stand patiently and seek Him with our whole heart, He always answers. Finally, when God says something, He says it clear, so there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding that could be claimed on our part as an excuse to disobey His word.

I think I can relate to the verse one and boldly say that I missed that mark by too many occasions when I prayed to God to answer some critical matters, but I failed to stand on the watch and listen to what He really gets to say. Instead, I took the liberty to answer my own questions and solve the problem on my own. I think we do that too often when we pray and ask for God`s intervention in a specific situation, and then we go about and make decisions on our own without waiting patiently to what God does and says. He convicted my heart awhile back on this issue when I would come to Him and I would pour out my heart and pray zealously regarding specific circumstance, and then I would go to sleep or go about doing what I think is appropriate (most of the time turns out to be inappropriate in His eyes though) instead of waiting patiently for His answer.

Habakkuk was writing regarding the events that took place in Judah (most likely regarding the Babylonian`s conquest of the area), but we don`t really have an exact time period to pinpoint. There is also very little that is known about Habakkuk himself, and I like that about him. I personally like to be anonymous, so I don`t get a chance to claim all the glory; instead I give it all to God. What we see here in the scripture, is Habakkuk desperately trying to seek the answer regarding all the unrighteous behavior that takes place and the judgment that`s coming on Judah as a result of it. He is “climbing to his watchtower” (that`s hard labor just to get to the place where he could seek the Lord). I`ve been too many times in situation where I can`t get to my secret place where I could get alone with God and ask Him all these questions that I have; a place where I could focus and bring my thoughts together to be honest with God especially during the days when things get too hard to bear.

Once he climbed to the watchtower, he “stood at his guardpost” waiting patiently upon the Lord to answer. This is a crucial part to realize for me that I have to wait patiently for God to answer when I ask Him of something because He said it in His word through Jeremiah that He would be there for those who seek Him:

²⁵ The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
      To the soul who seeks Him. (Lamentations 3:25, NKJV)

The Lord is definitely good to those who seek Him, He rewards each one of us based on our heart`s attitude. We show Him that we believe that he is capable to handle whatever impossible circumstances there may be when we seek Him diligently with all heart.

God also said in Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV)

⁶ But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

God rewards those who show their faith and stick by it; we please Him when we have faith especially in impossible situation like mine. It took me awhile to get to the place where I have nothing but a complete trust in God with my whole heart. It`s not easy in my situation when I face the same issues, the same problems that seem endless, but God knows what time would work best to change my circumstances, and so I wait at the “guardpost” upon the Lord, and I know that His reward would be great.

Habakkuk confirmed God`s truth that He is faithful, and He replies to those who diligently wait upon Him to get the answer. In the verse two God answered and, He made sure He answered clearly. There was no miscommunication as to what God required of Habakkuk to get across for others to read. God made sure He told Habakkuk to write down the message in plain words for all kinds of people to be able to read and understand it. It doesn`t matter how much of an uneducated person one can be, when God speaks, He makes it so blatantly clear, that we can`t have excuses to disobey. I like how God always makes sure He gets His message to me one way or another. He`s using, scriptures, people, events, circumstances to get across to me whatever He needs. He doesn`t grow weary with my deafness or hardness of heart.

I think it`s important to keep these concepts in mind when we come to seek God and ask for His intervention, that we go to the secret place allowing us to be with Him without interruptions, that we wait to the end to Hear His answer, and that we realize that when God speaks, His message is clear. It is satan who tries to make things convoluted and unclear to confuse our thinking, but God`s message is always clear and never, ever contradicts His word. If you`re not sure about something that God tells you to do, go to His word and check against it to make sure it is the same truth because God would never contradict His own Word.

 

Sobriety Check Point

Hebrews 10:26-31 (NKJV)

²⁶ For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,

²⁷ but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries.

²⁸ Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimonyof two or three witnesses.

²⁹ Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace?

³⁰ For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”^[e] says the Lord.^[f] And again, “The LORD will judge His people.”<sup>[g]

31</sup> It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Wow, this is quite a sobering truth!

When I read the two passages in Hebrews dealing with the problem of a believer living in sin, I felt like all I ever did for Jesus in return for His sacrifice on the cross was send him a “Thank You” card. I accepted His priceless sacrifice, His love, His mercy, His grace, and all I gave Him back in return was” “Thank you!”, now I am saved but I`d like to keep on living however I want; I have really “trampled the Son of God underfoot” with my lifestyle.  

I have to be honest with you that for someone like me who`s been an expert in backsliding throughout my life, this passage comes as something of a harsh sobriety check point. I keep asking myself: “Did I truly get myself to the point of a complete surrender to God allowing me to appreciate Jesus` sacrifice at its fullest?”

Frankly, I didn`t even remember this scripture until I came around it in my devotions a few days ago, and I had to do some digging to understand the full picture of the context. This is one of the topics that`s been of an interest to me for a while especially since I`ve been a backslider more than once in my life, and I wanted to find some answers to what Jesus said in the passage of Matthew 7:21-23. I wanted to find out how is it that a saved person can still go to hell as Jesus clearly states it here:

²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you.  Away from me, you evildoers!’ (Matthew 7:21-23 NIV)

I knew of the scriptures in Romans (a whole book on righteousness and meaning of God), letters to Corinthians (where Paul reproves the carnal way of living for those who are already saved), and meaning of chastening by God in Hebrews, but this passage was always a big question mark for me. I think what it really comes down to is this: you can full others around you, but you can`t fool God. He knows what`s in one`s heart and whether one is close to Him, seeking Him and longing to live in Father`s will. If one just put up a show by going to the church, small groups, "praying" 15 min. here and there, God knows about that. He knows what`s in my heart and what`s in your heart, so examine it. Use these scriptures as sobriety check points.

Another scripture in Hebrews that I found interesting regarding this same question of whether one already saved could lose that privilege is here:

⁴ It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, ⁵ who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age ⁶ and who have fallen^[c] away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting Him to public disgrace. ⁷ Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. ⁸ But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned (Hebrews 6:4-8 NIV).

When I read these two passages in Hebrews it kind of made sense to me regarding what Jesus said in Matthew. I think there are many people who would call themselves “Christians”, yet they don`t comply with God`s standards of living according to His word. There are those of us who like to live their lives according to their will and not according to the “will of the Father”. It is clear that Jesus said that it is not enough just to be a servant at the church, to be a pastor, a worship leader, a Sunday school teacher, a helper, etc., but unless one`s life is completely consecrated to Father`s will (subject to Father`s will, completely given up to do what He wants), it is a lifestyle for a true believer. Paul in the epistle to Ephesians writes a manual in the chapters 4-6 of what a life of a true believer should look like. The lifestyle that he describes there is only possible with Jesus being in the center of one`s heart.

I think it`s not that grace of God doesn`t work, but the consequences of our own actions when one`s life is not subjected to Father`s will after getting saved, that is what gets us in trouble. It is impossible to submit one`s heart to Jesus and continue to live for oneself. This is where Bible makes that blatant distinction and emphasis through the scriptures that if one is truly believes Jesus is God, Who died on the cross for one`s sins, and believes Jesus is Savior in one`s heart (Romans 10:9), than those truths would produce the change in one`s heart and true repentance leading to the changes the way one lives. Moreover, that repentance would hunger to live for God and not for oneself.

I like how Pastor Chuck Smith said in his commentaries regarding to whom we really serve in our hearts:

Now I've either made a god like me, or God is making me like Him. You're in one of the two. You're either on the path down or the path up. Every man has a god. Don't believe a man who says, "I'm an atheist," because a god is only a title, and it is the title of what is the master passion of that person's life. What's the guiding principle of his life? Watch him for a while and you can see. Maybe the guiding passion of his life is pleasure and his whole life is lived for pleasure. Molech is his god. Maybe his whole life is lived for power and he's trying to control things, money, possessions and all. And Mammon is his god. Maybe he's trying to develop his intellect and the expansion of his consciousness and his understanding and all and he's made this the chief goal of life. Then Baal is his god. Every man has a god. Some of them are rather worthless gods, but gods indeed. And how good it is to worship and serve the true and the living God. Not one that I've created in my own mind. Not a concept that I have created. But to take the revelation of God of Himself to us and to worship the true and the living God.

I think this explains the cause of backsliding and possibility of losing salvation: if we don`t really serve God in our hearts (which shows through our actions in everyday life), then these different idols take over and bring on the sinful actions. If for some reason, I reject the conviction of the Holy Spirit and choose to live in sin, I become deaf to His convictions because one`s heart gets hardened. It happened to me, it happened to a close person of mine, and I know of others as well who go through the same cycle. I think this hardness of heart prevents one from accepting the standards of Father`s will and living by them because it contradicts with the way one wants to live, and this particular actions lead one further and further astray. The further one goes and continues to live in sin, the further the lies of satan continue to bombard one`s mind and heart with the lie that there is no God. That is the most dangerous path that there is, yet it is the path that some choose after being saved. I think ones one gets to this point, this is where God just kind of let`s go of the person and “gives one up to the desires of one`s own heart`s lusts” (Psalm 81:11-12; 1 Corinthians 5:3-5).

I have to be honest that when I was “untouchable” (you can refer back to the earlier posting on “Untouchables”), I rebelled against God and got to the point of my anger with Him that I was telling Him: “Where are you, if You are so mighty and good, then where is Your hand in my life? Why did you allow all this horror to happen to me? If You are really The God, then where are you?” I was on the dangerous path, but deep in my heart I still had a fear of the Lord, and He knew it. That`s why He was able to bring me back to Him through the series of the afflictions and circumstances. I have to be honest with you that looking back, in a way I am grateful for them because I am closer to Him like never before, and I understand certain things better now as never before. I think that if there is even a hint of desire in one`s heart to turn one`s way and change the course of one`s life back to God, He would use the circumstances, certain people, scripture, events, etc., to fire up those diming coals. The reason for that is because only God knows the deepest parts of our hearts, and He knows that if He touches the “untouchables” through certain afflictions and trials, the brokenness would bring one back to repentance. In that case, the re-dedication would take place and the life of a Christian could be revived like never before bringing endless blessings and closeness to God. This is exactly what happened to me. I was falling deeper and deeper down further away from God, living in sin, but He knew that deep in my heart, if I was placed in circumstances beyond my own fixing, I would hearken back to Him and would crawl back in brokenness and humbleness and true repentance.

If one`s heart is so hardened through living in sin that one is unwilling to repent and turn one`s ways to God, He “gives one up to their own heart`s lusts”. Sometimes, it is the only way to make one see and understand the emptiness of having it all the way one wants; in order to see that vanity of life without God. God loves every single person that He created, and He waits very patiently for one to hearken to Him; however, when one continues to blatantly defile Jesus` sacrifice, His judgment takes place.

I think when it says that “we crucify the Son of God all over again even after knowing the truth” is if we don`t live up to the word of God—will of the Father. It is challenging for a true believer to live up to God`s standards. For those who know His truth, had Holy Spirit in their hearts, yet continued to live in sin, He gives them up to their own heart`s lusts and judges accordingly.

I also believe that to God there is no such thing as unpardonable sin, but it`s the attitude of one`s heart that matters. If you think like you committed the worse sin in the world, yet you desire to repent, all you need to do is come to God because He is waiting for you. He wants you back, just like He wanted me back. Don`t be one of those who hardened one`s heart to the point of not returning back at all because I`ve met people like that; those who are not interested in returning to God; they want to live for the desires and lusts of their heart. Those are the “Christians” who are described in these scriptures in both passages in Hebrews and Matthew. Luke 15 is all about God`s patience, and mercy and love for us, and He does all He can to chasten us to come back, so don`t resist it if you are in the situation of afflictions. Treat it either as a reason of chastening to return to God or as a reason for trials that would make you into a stronger believer.

I love how David said in his Psalm 139:23 (NKJV)

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;

If you think that you fall into the category of “untouchables”/backslider or if you are not saved at all, and if you know that you live a carnal selfish life, I urge you to surrender to Father`s will once and for all because God is longsuffering, and longpatient with us, but He would not allow for His only Son to be crucified over, and over, and over again. If you know the truth, let it set you free—hearken to Him and turn your ways to seek Him like never before with your whole heart. It is a said picture to see someone being “given up to one`s heart`s lusts” because it brings ultimate destruction. In that destruction, it doesn`t always bring one back to God because we all have a free choice to live by. Make the right choice, the one that leads to His forgiveness and ultimate change in life.

  

Father, I thank you for Your goodness, Your love, Your patience, for Jesus` sacrifice on the cross, and I pray that you touch the “untouchables” before it`s too late, and you bring them back to You. Lord, touch the hearts of those who know the truth, yet they continue to live in sin because they hardened their hearts to hear Holy Spirit convicting them. Please, Lord, give them another chance in life, just like you did it with me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.